Wargaming ASKEW: The Art of Cheating
It starts out simple enough, you’re young and want to win. Besides winning is everything. You really cannot help yourself. It is just too easy. Really there is no shame unless you get caught. Heck, even if you do get caught the chances of someone speaking up are even less. So you keep on doing it. The older you get, the more of the game it becomes. Ask yourself the question, “not what cheating can do for you – ask what can you do for cheating” Cheating is an art and as such only those that are truly gifted and without scruples should apply.
It takes a special someone who dedicates themselves to a life of cheating. Only when you watch a professional cheater in action do you see the true master. So how does someone become a professional cheater? Besides having a total lack of honor, dignity, or empathy for your fellow wargamer.
First, start by training on someone younger or new to the game. This is the quickest and easiest way to hone your skill. Before you get to training, make sure to use a hard list, preferable one you read on some win at all cost website. A cheesy army is a good cover; many players look past cheating and focus on the cheesy armies instead.
Once you get a game begin by questioning your opponents every move, this is important because it puts your opponent on edge right away. After your opponent is on the defensive, start by breaking rules of etiquette. Like picking up your hits first. Rolling fast is your friend.
Follow this by whining about how lucky your opponent is. At this point you should be able to size up your opponent, if they are passive do not hesitate to flash some temper when anything does not go your way. Nothing rises tension like anger and this only leads to your opponent making more mistakes. Once your opponent is fully flustered then the art of cheating can begin.
Cheating is more than just rolling dice and making up the results. Imagine yourself as a conductor and your measuring tape is your baton. When measuring distances make sure the tape is high enough off the ground and at an angle that your opponent cannot see easily. It is at this point you can move your models a few inches farther than the rules allow. Once you have moved the first model, simply place the next models any place around the first model. Always keep your measuring tape at a good length where you can pre-judge ranges for your units as well.
Master the nudge by knocking models over, then moving them to illegal better positions. If your opponent sees you knock a model, apologize at the same time you reposition the model. Another thing to remember in many tournaments stalling is a valid cheat. Once you feel you have taken command of the game- slow down. At the same time always rush your opponent. It is important to remember when cheating to have random rules memory selection. From rolling two dice when you should be rolling three, claiming cocked dice on a flat surface, to picking up the wrong killed model, anything and everything is on table.
A true cheater needs to know how to deal with confrontation. When you are called out, the first rule is to feign ignorance. Remember playing the victim is a time-honored tradition for the cheater. If that does not work throw a tantrum and fill yourself with fake righteous indignation. If you have already laid the ground work for being unstable, the tantrum is a good way to get your opponent to back down or quit.
Still the best cheaters only resort to the tantrum in the rarest of occasions. The key is having enough cheats that even if your opponent catches you once, he will not notice the other cheats in your bag of tricks. These basic principles are a good start on your journey to becoming a professional cheater.
What are your worst cheating stories? What ways can our community change bad behavior and stop the scourge of cheating? Have you ever cheated and why did you stop?
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