Wargamer Achievements To Unlock

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Pimpcron wants to see how much of a gamer you are.

Hey guys! It’s the Pimpcron! I thought it would be cool if we tabletop wargamers had achievements to unlock like in video games! Please let me know what your score is in the comments!

Squatted

SQUATTED

1 point for you’ve ever been completely tabled before the end of the game.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve been tabled in the first half of the game.

 

Power Fisting

POWERFISTING

1 point if you’ve ever completely tabled someone by the end of the game.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever tabled someone in the first half of the game.

 

Questing Knights

QUESTING KNIGHTS

1 point if you’ve ever traveled more than an hour to play a wargame.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever traveled more than two hours to play.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve traveled to another continent to play.

Take a Bath

TAKE A BATH

1 point if you’ve ever stripped a model in a chemical bath.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever stripped a pure lead miniature.

 

Rainbow Warrior

RAINBOW WARRIOR

1 point if you have painted a model with more than 4 colors.

1 point if you have a fully painted and based army of 2000 points or more.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you make your own washes.

Married To The Hobby

MARRIED TO THE HOBBY

1 point if you’ve actively been in this hobby for 5 years or more.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve been at this for 10 years or more.

Bonus: Another extra point if you’ve been at this for 15 years or more.

Keyboard Warrior

KEYBOARD WARRIOR

1 point if you comment on wargaming sites at least once per week.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you comment more than 3 separate times per week.

Bad Touch

BAD TOUCH

1 point if you have ever had a losing streak on more than 5 games in a row.

1 point if you have ever rolled 5 or more dice and had them all roll 1’s.

Nid Syndrome

NID SYNDROME

1 point if you’ve complained online about how weak your codex is.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you still love your army and play it anyway.

 

Drowning In New Models

DROWNING IN MODELS

1 point if you have unopened boxes of models sitting around

1 point if you have a dedicated hobby room in your home.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have more than 10 unopened boxes laying around.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have a permanent gaming table in your home.

Sisters Soapbox

SISTERS SYNDROME

1 point if you have a Sister’s of Battle Squad, or army that you play regularly.

1 point if you have complained online about how SoB get no love.

Flayed Ones

FLAYED ONES

1 point if you’ve accidentally made yourself bleed while hobbying.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever gotten stitches from a hobby injury.

 

There Can be Only One

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

1 point if you’ve attended a tournament.

Bonus: 1 extra point  for each tournament you’ve won.

Legendary Creature

LEGENDARY CREATURE

1 point if you’ve ever gamed with or against a female human.

Bonus: 2 extra points if you are a female wargamer.

You are a majestic creature, like a unicorn, or a Big Foot.

Indocrtination

INDOCTRINATION

1 point if you have ran a demo for a wargame.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have gotten a child into the hobby.

Lore master

LORE MASTER

1 point if you have read Black Library novels.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have read more than five Black Library novels.

Fluff Bunny

FLUFF BUNNY

1 point if you have finished a real narrative campaign

that had more than 3 missions.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve finished several narrative campaigns.

Power Gamer

POWER GAMER

1 point if you have ever looked up and used lists from the Internet.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have changed armies to stay current with the Meta.

Special Snowflake

SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE

1 point if you have made a custom chapter for your army.

1 point if you have a detailed backstory for your army.

Oldhammerer

OLDHAMMER-ER

1 point if you still play older editions of a game.

1 point if you attend events or a club that actively plays older editions.

(yes, 9th Age counts for this, because it is the “old” version of Warhammer)

The PlayaTHE PLAYA

1 point if you play more than one army.

1 point if you play more than one wargame.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you play more 5 or more different armies.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you actively play 3 or more different wargames.

SCORING

There is a total possible points of 50. (unless you’ve won more than one tournament)

Grot on Ecstasy: 0-7

Drunk Fire Warrior: 8-15

Space Marine Captain on Cocaine: 16-23

Greater Daemon on Bath Salts: 24-31

WraithKnight on ‘Roids and Red Bull: 32-50+

So what did you score? I really want to know! let me know in the comments.

I scored a 28, making me a Greater Daemon. Let’s see how we stack up!

 

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  • CMAngelos

    This is amusing.. I almost want to print these out to give out at the FLGS.

  • batthemadbat

    24… I’m a nerd and I know it.

  • Andrew Stent

    21 points not too bad

  • Gleep

    also 24 here…

  • Grafton Is Dust

    I’m a unicorn…?

    • Grafton is Dust, I don’t think I’m qualified to determine whether you fit into that category or not. Only you can categorize your fiddley bits into either unicorn/big foot status or non-unicron/bigfoot status. 😀

    • But seriously, I’ve played for many years, and in many different states, and only ever played with one woman once. I’ve met two other that claim to play but I never saw them play. So it really is uncommon, sadly. I think mixed genders make everything better, usually.

  • batthemadbat

    btw… do I get bonus points for growing a neckbeard?

  • Insert_nickname_here

    34. I need to re-evaluate my priorities.

    • petrow84

      That makes two of us…

  • shiwan

    Cocaine captain.

  • jcdent

    Only 14! And two of those because I ran a demo game of Infinity for my girlfriend.

    Used to travel about an hour in Japan to play Kill Team…

    Like the dig at 9th Age!

  • pad_uk

    WraithKnight (35)! Winning! 🙂 Wait – that IS a good thing right??

  • Ned Limpohpoh

    …34… I think I have a problem….

  • pad_uk

    BTW: Fun article as always Pimpcron! Love your work. 😀

    • Thanks for reading pad_uk. I appreciate the kind words.

  • Jordan Holt

    41 WraithKnight on ‘Roids and Red Bull m/

    The ‘roll ones’ made me laugh a lot 😀

    This was a lot of fun. Can we get patches made and put them on a sash like Boy Scouts?

    • nuggy

      The ‘roll ones’ have happened to me too many times then I care to remember -.-

      I second your request to patches!

  • Davis Centis

    33 points. Been at this a long time!

  • Jacob Karlsson

    Only 23, which I consider low for 17 years in the hobby.

    I have played more than one wargame in the past though, and it looks like I will play more than one in the future. Right now it’s only one though. So maybe it should be a 24.

  • vlad78

    39. i never realized.

  • Jared van Kell

    36 points. Wraith knight on roids and red bull. I need to re-evaluate my life and start getting out a bit more.

  • 26!

  • benn grimm

    Very awesome 🙂 I think I like ‘powerfisting’ best…)

  • WooHoo! Pass! I’ma 28! ….oh..wait. aaaaaaaaaw…..

  • MPSwift

    23, captain on coke it is!

  • petrow84

    What’s for getting tabled in turn 1, within 15 minutes, after you spent 20 minutes with deployment?

  • euansmith

    I got 20 on the nose; though I do have over 13,000pts in Comments.

    Doesn’t everyone create their own Space Marine Chapter with some fluff. My Ion Pyrites feel left out.

    Thanks for another chuckle, Pimpcron.

    • Xodis

      All of my Space Marines are going to be primary chapters and Deathwatch……the hard part is getting them out of their boxes lol

    • CatachanCommissar

      I have 35. I feel like a real life ugly bridge troll now. How did I ever get girls…

    • I can’t get into an army unless I make up fluff and unique chapters for them. The few armies I don’t own are because they didn’t strike my imagination. Thanks for reading euansmith! And yes, you should be sitting at about 13,000 due to internet comments. lol

  • Lord of Deeds

    24. Especially proud of Flayed one w/ bonus achievement.

    Blue star for you Pimpcron for a great article.

    • euansmith

      I seem to average one minor stabbing per project. Fortunately nothing serious yet.

    • GulMek

      Considering the amount of times I’ve opened myself up like a new Ork product, I’m really surprised I haven’t had to get any stitches for them. Then I open one nerd gun and need 3 stitches *facepalm*

    • Much appreciated Lord of Deeds!

  • chip6793

    18….I think I can live with that….

    BEST ARTICLE EVER!!! it’s nice to be able to read something that isn’t dissing anything and honestly aimed at fun.

    Incidentally, I agree with one of the previous posts about getting the Boy Scout badges made up!!! 🙂 That would be too funny!!!!

  • TheSlann

    32, well that escalated quickly…

  • AnomanderRake

    34. A bit excessive, I know.

    So when the 9th Age people get official models released as a separate wargame does it get taken off the ‘play old editions of Warhammer’ section?

    • Yeah I guess so. By then they will have really branched out.

  • Damistar

    I only got a 28, I lost points for not being a tournament power gamer.

  • Bulvi Nightbane

    53 points. What is after Wraithknight? Kaldor Draigo on warp dust.

    • petrow84

      Maybe “Calgar-pimpslapping-Avatar”

    • A bunch of nasty Forgeworld stuff all Voltron-ed together on PCP.

  • CthulhuDawg

    35. The playa, married to the hobby and drowning in models got me some extra points. I’m at 16 years played, 18 armies across 4 games, 6 games if you count K47/Bolt Action and Warmahordes as separate games. I’ve also already set aside enough for two boxes of Rune Wars…I think I need help.

  • Nogle

    I’m sitting somewhere around 45. When you’ve been playing in tournaments for twenty years, it’s hard to have an exact count on wins.

  • Ross Allan

    In the highest category.

  • loyle

    27 got my special unicorn at home to play with me!

  • Xodis

    Im going to need these in a printable PDF styled format so embroidered patches can be made….lets Pokemon badge this stuff!!!!

  • Xodis

    28, not sure if I should be happy or sad lol

  • Benandorf

    Ended up with a 29… I’m not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed.

  • Drew_Da_Destroya

    22. That’s pretty solid, since I’ve taken both the “Gotten Tabled” and “Tabled Someone” bonus points.

  • BenTheMan

    31 – Really Great Greater Deamon on Salts. ^^

  • polyquaternium7

    22 – I thought it would be a lot higher :p started since 2nd edition

  • Gaoramon

    29 for me. I’ve been doing this for way longer than I thought…

  • Walter Vining

    23

  • Sigmarine

    26 – can’t believe I’ve been wargaming for over 15 years, All started with a copy of Warhammer Quest.

  • Gorgosaurusrex

    I got 34, not counting the tournaments I’ve won. So I’m probably at 55 total… I played in a LOT of Rogue Trader tournaments back in 4th and 5th edition.

  • Jeremy Larson

    31…Should I make the extra effort to bump it up?

  • Divergent_Reality

    18, I am a Space Marine Captain on Cocaine. Indoctrination is easy when you worked at a game store. If I got a point for every started box I sold I would have a much higher score.

  • Spacefrisian

    32 points, but i hate red bull energy drinks.

  • Andrew Thomas

    18.

  • Just_Me77

    21, I really thought mine would be higher…

  • nuggy

    40… Im ok with this.

  • 21 Space marine captain on cocaine lol

  • Matt Mo

    24 here. I quite enjoyed that. Thank you Pimpcron

  • Jerin Price

    25 points… and I didn’t get the in the hobby for 5 years one if that tells you anything lol

  • Deez

    I got bad touch on my first game in years just three days ago. Took a heck of a shot from a group of Scimitar Jetbikes with a Volkite Culverin. After many wounds and a terrible armor save roll (all ones), six of my ten man tac squad lay KIA.

  • Bran D

    22 points! Cocaines a hell of a drug!

  • Ryan Davis

    27… So proud I love the concept of a greater deamon on bath salts!!

  • Mr.Gold

    23 – SM Captain

  • John Robert Hurley

    29 – Greater Daemon on Bath Salts

  • 26. Eh, it’s allright. xD

  • Prospero

    27, not bad. Love the achievements.

  • FatherMapple

    Man… I got 31. I’ve only been involved since 2009. I read some of the comments and laughed at them, at first. Now I have this building sense of dread in my gut.

  • Ty Hayden

    33… I wish I still had access to a card printer, it would be fun to make these and add them to my Con Lanyard.

  • Sebastian Marrero

    I also scored a 28, missing in a few categories like playing over 10 years, winning more than one tournament, net listing, and old hammer, but I came to realize how deep I’ve gone in.

  • JP

    18, but honestly, the Legendary Creature one should probably be worth 50 points by itself.

  • A.P.

    27, this does make me both sad and proud oddly

  • Morgrim

    20, and am apparently a unicorn. I find comments about women being so rare weird, since they’re a solid (if fluctuating) 5-20% of the places I play. It really shows that different areas have different wargaming cultures.

    • Great to hear! I’ve played for 8 years and only ever played 1 woman. Many different states and gaming stores, only 1 gal. So yes, unfortunately you are the Great White Unicorn.

  • doughouseman

    Something north of 55 (I don’t have tournament counts). But more than 50 years of gaming will do that to you.

  • Grand_Master_Raziel

    I got a 23. I think I deserve a bonus point for Indoctrination, because I have gotten female human beings into the hobby.

  • Tothe

    What? No achievement for destroying an AV14 vehicle with a Grot? Every game needs an impossible achievement to troll completionists.