40K Humor: FAQ of Our Dreams

faq_red

The final FAQs for the Warhammer 40,000 codices are out. Here’s the funny version of what GW probably thought.

Prepare your comments about how your favourite army or army play style has been completely invalidated before you even read it to save time! For more reviews, analyses and battle reports, check out the Tactics Corner.

A Humor article written by Michael Corr

These army review articles are intended as tongue in cheek looks at the current game of 40k. No digs at any particular players or playstyles are intended, it’s all just a bit of fun.

Astra Militarum

AMENDMENT

Various – Psykers

Any model with the Psyker or Brotherhood of Psykers special rule may generate powers from the Daemonology discipline in addition to the others listed in their Army List Entries. The Regimental Commissar will shoot the psyker in the head if he fails a Perils of the Warp roll in case he risks turning into a Daemon, but has no problem with the psyker summoning hordes of the things to the battlefield.

Q: Should the Hydra have the Interceptor special rule?

A: No. Just because it is a tank designed to intercept enemy flyers doesn’t mean it should be able to intercept enemy flyers.

Q: Can you add Ministorum Priests, Primaris Psykers and Enginseers to Formations?

A: No. How many times do we have to say that if it is not in the formation, it doesn’t get to go in the formation?!?

Q: Can you clear up Ordnance and Heavy vehicles? Leman Russ owners have been wondering about this for some time.

A: Yes, the Leman Russ is as bad as you think. Why are you taking vehicles anyway, haven’t you heard of Grav?

Also, we just gave you that formation with 300+ guardsmen, what more do you want?

Blood Angels

Q: The Vanguard Veteran Squads in Codex: Blood Angels and Codex: Space Marines both have the Heroic Intervention special rule, but the rule differs. Antor Delassio – the Blood Angels Deathwatch Space Marine listed in White Dwarf – again has the Heroic Intervention rule, but uses the Codex: Space Marines version. Has that rule been changed to include the re-rolling of charge dice in all books?

A: No, the rule remains as worded in Codex: Blood Angels. Those of you expecting consistency obviously haven’t been playing this game that long.

Chaos Daemons

Q: Can a Daemon’s invulnerable save be improved to better than 2+ (through the effect of psychic powers and other abilities which improve invulnerable saves)?

A: Yes, you can make completely unkillable units. Your opponent will have a great game and will love you for it!

Q: Nurglings have defensive grenades through the Daemon of Nurgle special rule, but you can only use grenades instead of another shooting weapon. As Nurglings have no shooting weapons, does this mean that they cannot throw their grenades?

A: No. One base of Nurglings in a unit can throw a defensive grenade in their Shooting phase (though it’s best not to think too hard about precisely what it is they’re throwing). Poo. They are throwing Poo.

 

Craftworlds

ERRATA

Page 124 – Warp Spiders, Special Rules, Flickerjump Change the first sentence to read:

‘Once per turn, when a unit comprised entirely of models with this special rule is chosen as the target of a shooting attack, it can immediately make a Warp Jump (pg 154), moving 2D6″ instead of 6+2D6″, so long as it is not Falling Back or charging. For some reason, Eldar opponents were not enjoying unlimited Flickerjumps in a single turn. Weird.’

Q: Can the Autarch’s The Path of Command special rule be used if the Autarch is in Reserve?

A: Yes. Normally these sorts of abilities require the model to be on the table, but Eldar are just better than you. So there.

Dark Angels

Q: Can I have a Company Master on a bike?

A: Yes. His name is Sammael. He has rules and everything.

Q: Can Cypher be fielded with a Dark Angels Detachment?

A: The Dark Angels have spent the last 10,000 years desperately hunting for Cypher to stop him from his nefarious purpose and to prevent the downfall of their Chapter. They will gladly sacrifice ally and enemy alike to try and capture Cypher and the Fallen. But sure, they will fight together no problem. With such a complete disregard for the background of the race, you just want to put him in your Deathstar, don’t you?

Q: In the Ravenwing Strike Force, if I take a Flyer, does the whole Detachment have to start in Reserves, or can I start with all my Bikers on the board and leave the Flyers in Reserve?

A: If your Ravenwing Strike Force includes a Flyer, e.g. a Nephilim Jetfighter (which must be set up in Reserve), the whole Strike Force must be set up in Reserve, as described in the Strike as One rule. We know this is disappointing, as the Ravenwing Flyers are super awesome and we know you take them in every game.

Q: With the Deathwing Strike Force, how do you avoid automatically losing on turn 1, as you can’t Deep Strike until turn 2?

A: You can’t. If you are planning to take an entire army of Terminators, then we are just saving you from yourself.

Dark Eldar

Seriously? People still play Dark Eldar?!? Haven’t you read the codex? You do know that Raiders can’t take Wraithguard any more, don’t you?

Deathwatch

Q: Can a Veteran be equipped with both a Deathwatch shotgun and a boltgun? This seems possible since they can take items from both the Ranged Weapons and Special Weapons list.

A: No. This isn’t Warhammer 40,000: Doom edition, you can’t run around armed with a Bolter, Shotgun, Missile Launcher, Bolt Pistol and Chainsword on a single model!

Genestealer Cults

Q: As a Space Marine player, the new Genestealer Cults “Cult Ambush” special rule was forcing me to employ actual tactics, as well as forcing me to consider taking Flamers, rather than just defaulting to Grav guns. What are you going to do about this?

A: Servo Skulls now stop the Cult Ambush rule. We are very sorry for the interruption to service and will endeavour to stop it occurring again. As a special bonus, Grav Cannons now wound all Genestealer Cults units on a 2+. However, this only applies to the brand new Centurion kit. Oh, and you have to buy three.

Q: As a Genestealer Cults player, my shiny new and very expensive army (seriously?!? $8 per model!) is now rendered pretty useless in competitive games. How about some love for me?

A: While you were initially a very popular release, you are still significantly outsold by Space Marines. Sorry, we need to look after number 1 here.

Imperial Knights

Q: Weapons on Walkers are listed as being fixed forward, and the rules for Super-heavy Walkers say that they follow the shooting rules for Walkers. Does this mean that all weapons on an Imperial Knight are limited to the 45° front arc, even including their arms which can physically move much more than 45°, and their carapace weapon which can physically rotate 360°?

A: Imperial Knights have a firing arc of 4.6° on either side of the arm. Don’t worry, you’ll be casting Phase Form on it every turn anyway, so it won’t make any difference.

Orks

In order to save time, use this handy guide: If the question would result in a bonus to the Ork army, the answer is no. If the question would be detrimental to the Ork army, the answer is yes.

Space Marines

Q: Since the wording of the Graviton rule completely bypasses glancing and penetrating hits, which are when vehicle saves are taken, can a vehicle use any saves against Graviton weapons?

A: A vehicle hit by a weapon with the Graviton rule can take any invulnerable or cover saves that it has. Nice try, but Grav weapons are already powerful enough!

Q: Do Graviton weapons ignore cover when shooting at vehicles?

A: No. But you’ll have the Hunter’s Eye anyway.

Q: Can Black Templars use Crusader Squads instead of Tactical Squads in Formations?

A: No. Why would you possibly be taking Black Templars?!? Have you not read the White Scars Chapter Tactics?

Q: Certain models may replace one weapon with one Chapter Relic. Can a model then replace a second weapon (or that relic) with another Chapter Relic, and so on?

A: For the 300th time! A single model may only be armed with one Chapter Relic.

Q: Are Drop Pod doors ignored for game purposes once deployed?

A: Yes. Surprisingly, some people were upset at the prospect of a Drop Pod dominating a 12” circle on the battlefield. It’s not that big a deal. I mean, who takes more than 1 or 2 Drop Pods in an army anyway?

Q: Are passengers allowed to disembark from a Zooming Stormraven?

A: Yes, using the Skies of Fury rule. You know, using the specific rule in their specific datasheets that is specifically designed for this situation and is specified in said rule.

Q: Can a unit that disembarks from a Stormraven using the Skies of Fury rule charge on the turn they disembark, if it isn’t the turn they came from Reserves?

A: No. The Skies of Fury rule states that ‘Models that disembark using the Skies of Fury special rule cannot charge on the turn they do so’. Do you even read the rules before you ask these questions?

Tyranids

Apparently, Tyranids are still a thing. We honestly thought that the army had been discontinued. Anyway, we assume that everything is fine with them and that they don’t have any FAQs, need an updated codex or anything like that.

 

~So there we have it. The main rulebook FAQs and Codex FAQs have now all been answered. As such, everything should be perfect with 40k and you shouldn’t need to bother us for another 10 years or so. We will use that time to come up with new names for all your armies that you will absolutely hate and never use anyway.

 

 

  • Waiting patiently on 8th edition and hoping that most of the rules bloat gets destroyed and that the grotesque imbalances are evened out a little bit better.

    Barring that, I’ve played one game of 40k in a year and will likely just keep my stuff boxed up until I can find a different system to use my models.

    • orionburn

      You didn’t even read the article did you?

      • ZeeLobby

        I mean it was sarcastic but hit on many valid issues with the game. Think Auticus is just reflecting on that.

        • orionburn

          For God’s sake man we suffer enough around here! Embrace the humor!!! lol

          • ZeeLobby

            I didn’t say it wasn’t funny :D. But for some people the game just makes humor hard. Our local store makes a lot of jokes at the expense of GW products. Just think people are looking for something to be proud of rather than a source of humor.

            In the end it’s just a game with plastic soldiers, but it’s also a financial investment and an escape from the daily routine. It’s important for some.

      • Sure I did.

    • Kinsman

      Hopefully all the humor in the article is GWs way of telling us that 40k is borked and they’re working on fixing it.

      ie. that Dark Eldar FAQ, lol.

      • Alpharius

        It’s not by GW

    • DJ860

      For the love of God.

      I made it one comment down before the vitriol started, on a post that is light-hearted humour.

  • orionburn

    Bravo to Mr. Corr. One of funniest articles I’ve read in a good while.

  • DrLove42

    You missed the obvious one.

    Yes, your squads have to take turns to use the squad grenade in combat. These thing dont grow on trees you know!

  • petrow84

    “We know this is disappointing, as the Ravenwing Flyers are super awesome and we know you take them in every game.”

    The Dark Talon actually is. And if Smurfs could find a way to bring in their shiny new fliers in dozens onto the battlefield in turn 1, I’d kinda expect the same from the 1st legion too, if they happen to find a new STC hidden in the Rock for every edition.

    • orionburn

      “Q: Can I have a Company Master on a bike?

      A: Yes. His name is Sammael. He has rules and everything.”

      Have to admit that’s a pretty good dig…lol

      • petrow84

        True dat. As for the terminator army… their help is too late already.

        • Muninwing

          i’d still play them anyway.

          this just requires a Vindicare to survive round one to make it work…

          • petrow84

            I’ve got a good 2500 pts of them… Good old 6th ed, with the turn 1 deep strike…

  • Byor

    The tyranid, ork, dark eldar and genestealer cult thing is sad, but true.

    And I am playing tyrandis, genestealer cults and dark eldar, so I am so screwed…

  • Koonitz

    This is important and I feel should be focused on again. Good thing GW listens to the Imperium folks.

    —-
    Q: As a Space Marine player, the new Genestealer Cults “Cult Ambush” special rule was forcing me to employ actual tactics, as well as forcing me to consider taking Flamers, rather than just defaulting to Grav guns. What are you going to do about this?

    A: Servo Skulls now stop the Cult Ambush rule. We are very sorry for the interruption to service and will endeavour to stop it occurring again. As a special bonus, Grav Cannons now wound all Genestealer Cults units on a 2+. However, this only applies to the brand new Centurion kit. Oh, and you have to buy three.
    —-

    Also, could I get a clarification. Does that mean I need to buy three Centurions? Or 3 Centurion model boxes (ie: 9 total Centurions). The obvious answer is 3 boxes, but that’s detrimental to Imperium players and, as such, it should be 3 models (ie: One minimum squad).

    Inquiring minds need to know!

    • I’m sure this will be covered in the next FAQ in 10 years time.

  • Rainthezangoose

    When Nids, Dark Eldar and Orks are your three favourite armies and 7th edition has just removed any desire to play 40k.

  • Raven Jax

    This is absolutely hilarious. Would love to see your comments on Tau, Neuron, and some of the other SM chapters.

    • Thanks Raven Jax. This is actually the 8th or 9th of the series that I have done. There are ones for Codex: Deathstar, Codex: Gladius and Codex: Scatbike amongst others. I’ve collected the links to the articles at https://standwargaming.blogspot.co.uk/p/frontline-gaming-articles.html (scroll to the bottom of the page, under the humour section).

      • Raven Jax

        Sweet, I’ll read them now.

  • Xodis

    Wow….no CSM mention? Was it just too sad to joke about? lmao

    • Kyle

      I mean its not ALL bad. They did give us a bunch of formations that make our stuff kinda usable. Still no good assault transport for an army that really likes to assault though because reasons… Though the World Eaters formation potentially fielding Berzerkers with like a thirty inch threat range for a first turn charge is pretty funny assuming you roll lucky enough to make it happen.

      • Xodis

        Oh there are lots of fun stuff, I just laugh at the actual CSM codex and then laugh at all the supplements that have to try hard to fix it.

    • Stealthbadger

      This was humour. Something unknown to CSM players.

      • Xodis

        Thats total BS, we laugh every time we open the CSM codex.

        • Nightwalker

          For me the Chaos codex and onions have one thing in common…

          … I cry every time I open them

  • Brilliant.

  • Braden_Campbell

    Battle Sisters didn’t even rate an entry. 🙁

    • Kyle

      Who?

      • Chris

        He meant “Sisters Of Silence” of 40k ^^

  • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

    A bit late on the Raider/Wraithguard quip, and I answered the Deathwatch question on the GW FB about 6 hours ago.

  • benn grimm

    Lol, love it, they say a joke is the truth wrapped in a smile, never has that cliche rung truer, specially the Ork/DE/GC entries. Top stuff, look forward to more from this guy.

    • Glad you enjoyed it. There are whole bunch more of these kinds of articles over at Frontline Gaming.

  • Sparowl

    The Ork one is spot on. It’s how I felt about the Ork FAQ.

    Oh, and the last Ork Codex.

    One day the Green Tide will return…of course, they’ll only be good once “orks” are considered “space marines”.

  • Chris Boyle

    Great article. Funny & sad at the same time. I think I’ll just learn chess and use my miniatures for the pieces.

  • Crevab

    Lulz good sir

  • Nate Grey

    What makes this article perfect is how Chaos Space Marines are forgotten hahahaha

  • Earl Tower

    The Dark Eldar one just had me rolling in the floor laughing.

  • dave long island

    Funny article! Time was the funniest 40k joke was the price tag on the minis. Well done!

  • Dumbcow1

    Q: Can Black Templars use Crusader Squads instead of Tactical Squads in Formations?

    A: No. Why would you possibly be taking Black Templars?!? Have you not read the White Scars Chapter Tactics?

    dont remind me T.T

    • petrow84

      Q: Should High Marshal Helbrecht also have the Orbital Bombardment special rule?

      A: No. Stop with that nonsense, that a fleet-based chapter’s master should receive anything remotely connected to orbital support.

  • FreshBumCheeks

    The art in this article is great

  • Daniel R Weber

    The Ork entry was depressingly perfect.