Everything That Is Wrong With 40k


A Pimpcron article from another 40K dimension. How are things different on “the other side”?
Hey ladies and gents! I, the Pimpcron, have more than a couple friends in the Cryptek catacombs. I went to college with a bunch of them and cheated from their work. Point is, one of them was messing with some arcane technology and opened up a portal to another dimension where things are a bit different than ours. I snagged this article from my other dimensional self before the portal closed.

Hmmm, there’s a whole other Imperium in there…

 

——————————Begin Stolen Article——————————

Howdy my friends! Your ever-loving blue-eyed Pimpcron is here with an ever-so gentle nudge at our favorite benevolent wargaming overlords. But come on, I’m not wrong on this stuff; someone has to say it.

GW’s Prices Are Getting Out of Hand

I was at the Dollar General store the other day to pick up a Tactical Squad of marines when I turned the corner and what I saw shocked me. As I looked past the Pork Rinds, and beyond the knock-off Power ranger toys, I saw that they have raised the price, AGAIN! $15 for a squad of 10 freakin’ Marines???! They are going to price themselves right out of business with this crap. Just last week it was $12 and five years ago it was $10. I’m not made of money; and I will NOT be willing to pay more than this for a box if they raise it again. $1.50 per model?! I was fuming.

Sticker Shock

A Call To Arms: We Need Men

This may be a delicate subject, but I speak only the truth. We need more men playing 40k and wargaming in general. Anybody could tell you that this is a female-dominated industry and that they are the target audience. For instance we only have one, (ONE!), army that is exclusively male and otherwise we aren’t represented at all on the table top. When I first started playing my Brothers of Battle, I almost didn’t want to because when I went to my gaming group I felt cliche. It felt wierd to be the only guy player to begin with, who just had to play the only male army.

 

And don’t get me started on my BoB, who are still all metal and haven’t even gotten a serious codex in years. It’s like that army is just a token for head-gal Janice Johnson to say, “Yeah, we have a male army.” while not really even supporting it. I feel like if we got more men into the hobby, we would be supported more and maybe we could start getting some new models of men that aren’t overly sexualized. I mean, EVERY model needs to be shirtless with a G-string or cod piece?
And the proportions are all off. They are huge muscle men which of course makes me feel a bit inadequate. Ah well. Sex sells and women are buying the models.

Gamer Girls: Have Some Manners

I have women ask me all the time why it is that I am the only dude in our gaming group. I have to explain to them that they can make it pretty awkward for men to join. For instance, I’m just a normal looking guy, I’m not a crazy gorgeous man or anything. But a good portion of the girls who see me at the gaming store are instantly smitten and either get really socially awkward or hit on me.

It has put some stress on my marriage, because the wife isn’t that happy with hanging out with a bunch of women who have all of the attention put on the only guy in the room. I know that’s a deterrent for many men. Geeky women just don’t know how to handle a man walking in. When you walk into the game store as a man, everyone stops talking and stares. I always feel like there might be some food on my face or something. And couple that with the women who think they’re better than men and the situation isn’t that fun for a guy.

GW Needs To Stop Listening To Everyone

It was terrible.

Games Workshop has always listened to their customers and has always been willing to do whatever they can to make a buck. But their recent actions in the last few years is getting ridiculous. The running joke is that all it takes is 10 people to want a certain army for GW to crank it out. In the last few years we’ve seen the addition of a Squats codex, Hrud codex, a codex for all the major Guardswoman factions, an Arbites codex, a codex of just Primarchs, Codex: Kroot, Codex Malal, and a couple more I can’t remember.

The real problem is that they are completely flooding their own market with their merchandise and out pacing the purchasing power of their customers. The new Malal Daemon Prince is $35 while other Princes are $20! With prices like that they can’t keep cranking so many miniatures before they hurt their own sales.

~So would you want to live in this dimension or no?

Pimpcron signature 3

2017 Shorehammer Button for BoLS
  • Laurence J Sinclair

    ” Janice Johnson to say, “Yeah, we have a female army.” “

    • Yeah this is a typo right? Otherwise pretty funny article.

      • No, not a typo. Jervis is a woman in that dimension. Same with Martha Ward, Regina Priestly.

        • Drew_Da_Destroya

          It’s the “Yeah, we have a female army” part that’s the typo, since you were discussing the Brothers of Battle at the time.

          • Oops. Fixed.

          • Alternate ‘verse me is often drunk, while I don’t drink at all.

        • Hedwerx

          Tina Kirby was a b*tch.

    • euansmith

      Janice Johnson is such a Squats fangirl! She’s the reason they have nine ‘dexs for their “different” Forge Foundings; each one more OP than the last. 🙁

  • very amusing 🙂

  • James Hall

    I appreciated the references to Malal.

  • Seienchin

    Embarrasingly I didnt get the joke at first although I was suspicious about the 15 dollar marines… GWs pricing really is outrageous. For me a far bigger problem than not giving us a good variety of new armybooks.

  • orionburn

    Any love for the Nids on the other side? Or are they a benevolent race that goes around rebuilding ravaged worlds and planting flowers?

    • Nids joined the Tau because they both believe in the Greater Good. But the Nids gotta keep Tau in check because Tau just go around eating everything.

      • Darkcat

        Its a cook book!

  • Emprah

    The GW prices in is actually a valid complaint you know! Sarcasm doesn’t work with that!

    • Roughneck

      Actually right now it’s not a valid complaint as the pound has weakened yet again due to the Brexit.

      • NagaBaboon

        It’s a valid complaint if you live in Britain….

        • Roughneck

          The prices have been consistant for the past 2 plus years. And how far back do you want to go? In second ed a rhino was £10 but no where near as detailed and advanced a kit, now it’s about £19 from most independents. You pay for what you get.
          It’s not really valid for the uk either as miniature materials are bought from outside the uk as it doesn’t produce them all and that means they cost more.

          • NagaBaboon

            That means it is a valid arguement? If the Pound is low then at least in theory it will be cheaper to buy this stuff in other countries, if material costs are high then it’ll get more expensive in the UK? I think we are making the same arguement but we saw the original comment as meaning something different?

          • Roughneck

            Not at all if the pound is weak it means it’s more expensive for them to import materials to cover the cost of making the miniatures.
            Whenever a currency gets weak the prices of goods go up, that common practice and common sense.
            We all know GW makes its money from independents and selling to other countries, but that’s what all business do.
            For example Reece’s peanut butter is like $7 for a jar in the uk where it’s not that much in the US. Lucky charms are $30 a box in some stores in the uk, I doubt Americans pay that much.
            So yet again don’t look at it as a hobbyist but a business man.
            Prices go up that’s life, they have for everything.
            You want better kits like we keep getting than you pay more for all the time, equipment and advances put into them.
            You get what you pay for the best models on the market.

          • NagaBaboon

            Yeah I know, we’re definitely not having the same arguement dude. Did you mean to reply to Roughneck?

          • (GW exchange rates in parenthesis)

            Triumvirate of the Primarch Price £55

            Pound to Dollar 1.22, Triumvirate of the Primarch Price $90 (1.64) 34% markup

            Pound to Euro 1.15, Triumvirate of the Primarch Price €70 (1.27) 10% markup

            Pound to Canadian Dollar 1.64, Triumvirate of the Primarch Price C$110 (2.00) 18% markup

            Pound to Australian Dollar 1.61, Triumvirate of the Primarch Price A$150(2.73) 70% markup

            Pound to Yen 139.28, Triumvirate of the Primarch Price ‎¥‎12700 (230.91) 66% markup

            So you are trying to convince me that shipping to the US costs twice as much as shipping to Canada. Seriously? They don’t just charge extra to cover shipping costs. The pound being weak just makes every sale in another country more profitable. Lots of businesses prefer a weaker home currency because it increase profits from exports. That’s why the Chinese have been accused of pushing the Yuan down for years. GW is just trying to maximize profits. That’s what a business does, they extract the maximum that a customer is willing to pay. Consumers in turn chase the lowest prices. Why try to make the business sound noble for doing what they exist to do?

          • Roughneck

            I see you forgot about taxes and import duty and export duty again. Currency conversion doesn’t just cut it, then there is how ridiculous the US economy is when based on monetary value. Why you pay more than any other country for almost anything but fuel.
            Your taxes are high and so is the overheads compared to Canada and most other countries I can stream off.
            Actually the pound being weak always forces prices up look at dark elves for example they came out when the recession hit the UK and were the most expensive army to date.
            You forget the UK is an island and everything exported has to go via ship or plane which costs a lot. Unlike America where it goes via road.
            Compare an Apple to an Apple not a Pear.
            You have no idea about exporting from the UK and keep going on about 1 part of the equation. When there’s multiple other factors.
            As I said before if you don’t like the prices move to the UK but oh wait then you will see what it’s really like to pay a lot for things but brits get on with it and don’t moan. I’d love you to pay $6 a litre for petrol like they do.

          • I just by used or not at all. I can think of a great many countries I would live in before England, thank you very much. Lately you all seem so angry all the time. I’ll take a flat in Prague though. Lovely city, lovely people, a reasonable exchange rate on GW products, and quality, cheap beer to boot.
            You can try all you want, but you won’t get me to see GW as anything other than just another business.

          • Roughneck

            Not at all.
            I’m not even a Brit.
            You aren’t pointing that out at all, your using one dimension of a multiple dimension problem GW faces when shipping outside of its country of origin.
            When you do that you spread false information to people going they are money grabbing because currency conversion means you still pay more but don’t take into account overheads.

          • Money grabbing is what businesses do. It’s called being profitable. The Pound dropped and the Dollar cost of GW products stayed the same. There is nothing false about that information. Doing business internationally is complicated and there are plenty of other costs besides the exchange. However, GW has kept their rates fixed while the Pound tanked. It’s a common accounting practice. You seem somewhat knowledgeable about doing business internationally, but your insistence that GW’s foreign prices aren’t set to be favorable to their bottom line is baffling. If you’re right then someone needs to be fired, and their boss needs to be fired too.

          • Stealthbadger

            I think you forget. If the comment section on this board ran GW it would be a not for profit. Because capitalism is bad…

            In the real world it turns out company designed to make money finds way to maximise the way it makes money. How shocking.

          • Painjunky

            70% mark up for aussies is why i never EVER pay full price.

            I do everything i can to make sure GW gets as little money from me as possible.

            Thank god for the internet and recasters!

          • Me

            “Lucky charms are $30 a box…”

            Seriously??

          • Roughneck

            Yeah in some stores like selfridges in the uk they are up to £14 a box and more in smaller shops. For Fanta grape it’s roughly $5 a can

        • Nicholas May

          Actually, their prices in the US are not really based on the conversion rate either. After currency conversion a Rhino still costs $10 more on the GW site.

          • Roughneck

            There is this thing called shipping costs to America that mean you will always pay more. Want to pay less move to the uk where it doesn’t cost a fraction of what it does for GW to ship products to America.
            You can’t complain about prices being higher due to your geographical location meaning it costs more to get items to you and your stores.

          • Me

            Actually we can complain about it. Trust me, we can complain about anything. If you watch the news, you will see that we are pretty #@$! good at complaining about anything and everything.

            As to the shipping costs, they could manufacture in North America (doesn’t have to be US). I know they won’t, but I think it would end up improving profits.

          • Roughneck

            They won’t manufacture anywhere outside of the uk due to what happened when they moved it to China in years gone and all the recasters appeared.
            Same as why most manufactures make products in their home country due to this occurring.
            It also means the quality is higher as it’s keep under a watchful gaze.

      • Ghaniman

        Tac Squad $75 NZD in New Zealand, £25 in the UK.
        $75 NZD to pound in a currency converter, £42.64.
        There ain’t no way that shipping container loads of GW product to my tiny section of the world would increase a single items cost by 40%.

        • Roughneck

          Then you’ve got the rent and rates of the stores etc, and the wages of the staff.
          As I said if your not happy about the prices move to the uk.
          You’d be surprised how expensive it is to ship to NZ and AUS from the uk. I can tel you from experices it’s expensive

          • Ghaniman

            Lol, the stores… priceless. I think there’s like 4 or 5 max. So that’s what, 5 staff.

            I’m not suggesting there is a cost in shipping, there is. But to the extent that a 40% per item mark up, I don’t think so. They don’t air mail them to us.

          • orionburn

            Plus that adds up even further when your currency isn’t as strong as another country’s. And you have to factor in import taxes. If NZ has a 15% import tax then you’re adding that to every item. I saw talk that GB & NZ are considering a free trade deal once Brexit goes through, so that may help (in time) lower pricing if you can get rid of taxes. You can’t run a price through a currency converter and expect things to just be equal. There’s just too much that goes into it.

          • Aezeal

            Import taxes the Aussies and Nzers should know about better than us.. if that is the case it’s hardly Gw’s fault.

          • Roughneck

            The problem is people are thinking with their hearts on this not their heads.
            Half the problem with the hobby in general is this.
            Can tell half the people who comment on this have never owned or managed a business as the reason for the higher prices is pretty obvious if you have

          • Aezeal

            UK got stores too.. prices in there not higher so irrelevant argument. It can only be shipping and maybe a slight % for currency conversion and that just doesn’t seem to cover it.

          • Roughneck

            Yeah and how much does it cost to ship in the uk?
            They don’t have to pay import and export taxes here for shipping within the country.
            Think about things before commenting as running a currency conversion is one factor of many that contributes for the prices being higher.

    • I was making the point that no matter what the price is, we’d complain about it. There’s probably a dimension where a Tac squad costs $500 and they just look at us whining and shake their head.

      • Roughneck

        People complain about everything true enough but it might help if you try to rational why the price increase to educate people rather than just complain. As it perpetuates the rumour that it’s all GWs fault and they are money hungry when it’s not the case.

        • I agree with you. An article like that would just be seen as fanboy-ism though. In many people’s eyes, GW is evil no matter what they do. I mean, they are evil, but not pure evil.

          • Roughneck

            Your articles are generally great I’ll be honest but it’s not fanboy-ism when your exposing how businesses work.
            Just looking at the comments you’ve received on this shows that people are thinking with the hearts but your head thought articles are great and I wouldn’t compromise to appease people as that’s the who point of writing articles to be true to you and your beliefs

          • Thanks! And you’re right. I might put the topic on my list for a future article. Many people don’t know how business works and are quick to complain.

          • Roughneck

            Exactly and it’s a shame as it paints GW in a bad light but overheads are overheads.
            People need to realise first and foremost GW is a business and will always be cheaper in its base geographical location.
            I’d love rhinos to be £10 again but won’t happen and I wouldn’t want that awful kit to come back compared to the new one.
            Keep up the good work otherwise.

  • John Traupman

    LOL, enjoyable Friday read. Thanks for the humor Pimpcron!

  • Honest Kairos

    I just woke up in another Dimension. Thanks Pimpcron….Now I’m going to have to explain why women get equal pay, how there was once a destroyer of hope named Matt Ward, and how there, long ago and far away, was a place in which Forge World models weren’t available in stores – only through this thing called the internet, and no, in that land, we could not pay for mini’s with good deeds and a handshake.

    • Haha. It’s all topsy-turvey man.

  • Zethnar

    Don’t you mean “Guardswomen” and “Matriarchs”?

    Edit: I guess Primarchs still works, but it doesn’t FEEL right.

    • euansmith

      It would be a fun wrinkle for the Emperor to awaken and say, “Hmmm, the boys didn’t work out too well. Maybe it is time to try girls. Unlock the GYNOSPHERE!

    • Arianod

      “Primarch” has nothing to do with “Patriarch”, and we can assume the other dimension has Primark stores too.

      • euansmith

        Cool, I’m quite surprise to just find out the “Primarch” seems too be an actual GW IP Word; something like a “First Leader”, but not actually actually Ancient Greek as I’ve always assumed.

        • Hedwerx

          A riff on Primacy? Maybe. I dunno. Just guessin’

          Seeing as it comes from the Latin Primas?

        • Hedwerx

          Rick Priestley is a member of a group I’m on. I could PM him, and see if I can bother him into telling me where it came from.

          • euansmith

            THE Rick Priestley!?

          • Hedwerx

            Well, they’ve got his face and name, so I guess so.

          • Stealthbadger

            Just his face and name? Grimdark.

  • Dennis J. Pechavar

    I do want a Malal figure.

    • TheMawr

      Malala Deamon princess

      Sounds like exotic disney gone wrong

  • Keith Wilson

    things that make ya go hmmm ….

  • thereturnofsuppuppers

    1 point. Its generally not super power muscles that are attractive, its lithe and toned that gets the engines going.

    http://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e38ecfc26dc07d5959392545dd9a165dc5772626e4c2c6d739f1e2534d026266.jpg

    wouldn’t mind some 40k chaps with swimmers bodies.

    • euansmith

      Eldar? 😉

      • thereturnofsuppuppers

        Hmm, they’re ok. Bit weak and feeble.

        • euansmith

          Lithe, willowy, supple, svelte?

          • thereturnofsuppuppers
          • Hedwerx

            Thing is there isn’t much, if any, artwork of topless Eldar males. I’d have to assume they’ve got roughly the same physique as a WE Wardancer (the Aspect Warriors at least)

            One thing I have noticed from a male perspective, DE females seem to have a better hip to waist ratio than Craftworlders (must be all those souls they consume, gives them a bit more junk in the trunk)

    • The same could be said for not every guy liking huge breasts, but here we are. Most female miniatures are like that.

      • thereturnofsuppuppers

        It is generally accepted that many many men enjoy large breasts.

        It is a general misconception (from guys who haven’t really spoken about this sort of things with women) that women prefer large super muscly guys, and while some certainly do.

        It is the lither, more athletic bods that do it for us, than the spacemarine/he man like bodies.

        Could I ask if you’ve got a significant other and have you spoken about the type of bodies on men she likes?

        • No, you may not ask. I’m offended now. 😛 Yes, I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. I will ask her directly when she gets home. Good point. But for the brevity of the article, it’s easier to say muscle men than try to explain the crazy-complex stuff women are into. 😀 You make a good point though.
          And for the record, most men I know love ALL breasts no matter what size. I’m not trying to be vulgar here, but they all have their appeal. I think the quadruple-D loving guys is the definite minority.

          • thereturnofsuppuppers

            I think if all most of the guys were like the sexy swimmer in warhammer, guys might feel a bit more uncomfortable.

            (not saying that the women are as sexualised as that in warhammer, rather that is media wide thing that wares people down)

        • On another note, why did you change your handle on Disqus? It seems silly to ask, but I recognize most of you by your handle, so I was wondering why you changed it.

          • euansmith

            We are now living in the part II of the “Suppuppers Trilogy”. Look out for the forthcoming final chapter, “Last Suppuppers”.

          • I can’t wait for the third installment! 😀

          • thereturnofsuppuppers

            got banned (other reply not showing up)

          • Okay, asked the wife and she agrees with you. I humbly accept defeat.

          • How on earth did you get banned? That’s sounds like it’s got a story behind it.

          • thereturnofsuppuppers

            Been banned quite a bit.

            Not quite sure why.

            Reasons I believe might be Discuss’ auto ban feature.

            Mentioning websites that are more relevant than BoLS, specifically linking to articles.

            Using words that are banned repeatedly. (not swearing, abuse, or slurs) things like Click b 8

          • euansmith

            “… but I recognize most of you by your handle…”

            How do you recognise the rest of us? Webcam hacking? 😉

          • Hedwerx

            I recognise you from the fact you’re normally eating bolognese around this time of day.
            I mean, by your username…

          • LOL! Even if I knew how, I don’t think I’d like what I saw. 😀

          • euansmith

            Hey, if I knew you were watching, I’d put some clothes on.

  • joetwocrows

    Hey, PimpMeister! Did any of your college buddies step into a timeline where boys and girls played as equals? That’s a rant I’d like to read!

    • Hmmmm. Might make a good article. 😀

  • Chris Hateley

    Everything wrong with 40k: the fans.

    And in case there’s any confusion, I’m referring to this dimension.

  • Joka

    Well there are theories that those two missing primarchesses are in fact male… but we will never knew. GW has advanced the story so fast those last 30 years and now it came to an abrupt stop.