March Madness – D&D Edition

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All your favorite monsters are gearing up for a head-to-head showdown. Who will make it from the sweet sixteen to the final four?

That’s right guys. March Madness is upon everyone. And Wizards is kicking it off, D&D style. They’ve announced their latest Creature Contest, Monsters & Bracke. They’ve gathered teams of monsters from around the country and they’re coming together for the championship playoffs, competing for a spot in the Championship Event–a Four-For-All that is happening at a future Livestream event where members of the D&D team will be taking the reins of your top teams and pitting them against one another in a bloody battle to the finish, where only one monster can reign supreme with all the honors, accolades, and sponsorship deals you could expect.

You Can Vote Here

But before you do, why not take a look at the contenders that have fought hard this season and made their way to the Sweet Sixteen.

Let’s run through it bracket by bracket:

Miami Mimics vs the New Jersey Flumphs

Despite getting called for goal-tending (easy to do if you’re disguised as the net), their games have been shutouts. Despite being relatively low-scoring, the Miami Mimics’ have a new offensive strategy that may shape up into a slot in the Final Four. When asked for comment, Coach Trunks said “we’re really focused on ‘being the ball’ this season.” Then he ate our roving reporter. Should prove to be an exciting season!

Provng that anything’s possible this year, the New Jersey Flumphs are bouncing back from a three-year slumph. Their overall performance has improved by leaps and bounds this season, with their telepathic shroud really making a noticeable impact on their fadeaway jump shots. They’ve been able to eke out a spot in the playoffs, and are riding a wave of positive energy all the way to the top.

Humboldt County Myconids vs the Minnesota Mind Flayers

Still reeling from a last-minute loss against longtime rivals, the Lake Geneva Bugbears, the Humboldt County Myconids have a lot to play for this season. It’s anyone’s guess how they’ll manage without their starting power forward–expected to make a full recovery in time for next year’s starting season–but they have had a solid year, and one hopes, will cement their reputation as masters of the sporet.

The Minnesota MInd Flayers had a great season this year. Stunning performance from their new star forward, Hrual Szaali, an up and comer in his division, with a record 32 turnovers owing to his considerable psionic power. He is a mental powerhouse to be watched out for—and if that wasn’t enough, Flaghragth Zha’jji has something to prove after being shut out of last year’s semifinals by the Washington Literal Wizards–a pity when they made that last-minute save.

Lake Geneva Bugbears vs the Seattle Trolls

The Bugbears have a stranglehold on their division this season. They haven’t been this strong since their Championship Three-Peat back in ’89. Their playbook is a closely guarded secret, full of surprises. Their last three games have been unorthodox–their match against rivals (and fellow playoffsters) the Humboldt County Myconids, they were all but absent for the first half, only to surprise everyone (especially Myconid Power Forward Shiitake) with their crushing fourth-quarter strategy.

If we’re talking about the Seattle Trolls then we are talking about Traulblurgh Horgleblort III, who has shown what it means to be a star. Sure you’ve got the big personalities like Burlg and Kraggath the Surveyor, and you’ve got capable players like Smokey Robinson, but Tarulblurgh Horgleblort III has that certain something makes a match fun to watch. Soldiering on with record attendance, despite suffering three injuries, Horgleblort has a way of bouncing back from just about anything. It’s just inspiring to watch the way he plays.

Louisiana Lich vs the Durham Driders

Dominating this season, just as they dominate all who would dare oppose them, the Lousiana Lich have been showing that they have what it takes to bind all who stand in their way to a single unbreakable will! With little more than grave dust, a phylactery, and an unstoppable dedication to fundamentals, the Lich have utterly slain everyone they’ve been up against, leaving them the only other undefeated team to make it to the playoffs this year. They had a few close calls this season though, with two of their games going to sudden death.

The season’s fan favorite, for certain. Their team’s off-court antics have won them unbridled adulation, with their viral videos quickly reaching the most-shared appearance on the web. No one is more web-savvy than the Driders. And they’ve managed to translate this goodwill into a killer defensive strategy. They lead the Sword Coast Conference in defensive turnovers, and have won our own personal hearts with their farewell Vine, a six second homage to “Nothin’ But Net.”

New York Gnolls vs the Utah Umber Hulks

No team has been hungrier for a championship shot than the New York Gnolls. They’ve been on a rampage all season. Their defensive game is strong, but once they get going, their offense really shines. Demons on and off the field, their post-game celebrations have gotten a little rowdy, but given the season they’ve been having, with two upset victories and a legendary half-court score, it’s hard to blame them for running a little wild.

The Utah Umber Hulks have had a lot of confusion to their lineup this year. Chitar and Skitti announcing their retirement, Finisingmore getting called out for traveling (and to be fair, the rules were unclear concerning mandibles)–there was a lot of doubt as to whether or not they’d get their act together enough to make a sweet sixteen showing. But they dug out a few game-winning three-pointers and have been steadily on the rise. Whatever they have going on come playoff time, it’s going to be an interesting game.

Baltimore Beholders vs the Alaska Cubes

If there’s one team to keep your eye on this year, it’s the Baltimore Beholders, because their meteoric rise to stardom has been nothing short of magic. Angling to prove that their successful win last year was anything but an aberration, the Beholders have been dreaming of victory all season, and it appears to be paying off for them. They’re undefeated so far this year–but there are rumors that the team is troubled, lots of powerful egos behind the scenes–and I suppose that’s to be expected when you have an all-star lineup like theirs: Kraggath the Surveyor, Gaulrakgh, vision of Desolation, and Fialnath ‘Stalksy’ Smits had that little dustup before the mid-season opener. But for now that tension off the court has equalled unmatchable power on it.

The Alaska Cubes have had a pretty exciting season, with performance taking a hit in the  midseason as their Coach traded away Or-Blorp following a disastrous mid-season meltdown. But the new team has really gelled under the guidance of coach Glorp. Since then they’ve really been cleaning up the competition.

Los Angeles Land Sharks vs the Houston Hell Hounds

The Los Angeles Land Sharks are a BoLS favorite. What more can be said, they have a strong offense with some of the most amazing air-time we’ve seen since the Atlanta Air Elementals picked up Michael Jordan for a season. Burlg made a great showing as a center, but really they owe a lot to Coach McQueen who has helped them pull off the kind of game-winning plays that have kept them in the finals the last three years running. They’re hungry, to be sure, but are they hungry enough for the championship gold?

The Houston Hell Hounds have been a real underdog story. Their first time at the playoffs in nearly sixteen years, the Hell Hounds have been on fire this season. An early upset against the St. Louis Solars helped them pick up momentum, and they’ve been punching well above their weight class this season, defeating fan favorites the Oakland Ogres and the Tampa Bay Tyrannosaurs. Their patented triple-headed offense is killer, which just goes to prove it’s anyone’s game this season.

Portland Owlbears vs the Bay Area Blink Dogs

The Portland Owlbears faced some fierce competition in their division this year. But they managed to claw an early lead out ahead of the Cincinnati Carrion Crawlers and the Kansas City Kenku. Their point guard, Smokey “Hoots” Robinson has been a bulwark this season, redefining what it means to go hard in the paint, managing to score a season high of 107, with 37% of those points earned during the final five minutes of his games. When the going gets tough, the Robinson can bear it.

The Bay Area Blink Dogs were off to a ruff start this season with two of their starters being sidelined with injuries sustained during a technical foul in game two—and no surprise there it was against hated rivals the Detroit Displacer Beasts, but they have rallied behind Rohvar Stelle, and developed a new strategy that might carry them through to victory.

All iin all it’s been an amazing season from these incredible athletes. Each one is just an absolute beast, aberration, monstrosity, or undead of a player, but in the end, only one team will come out on top. Who will it be? There’s only one way to find out.

Monsters and Brackets Voting Now until 3/27

Who do you think will pull out the victory?

  • I do have to wonder if the author made the Seattle Troll joke on purpose, or if it’s coincidental…

  • Shawn

    Why didn’t they mention the Boston Leprechuans?

  • Dan Brugman

    Where are the Phoenix Phoenixs