Hard Truths About 40k You Don’t Want To Hear

Pimpcron is back at the podium and preaching grimdark fans.

***TRIGGER WARNING***

+++Readers with sensitive emotional composition should turn away now. Things are gonna get ugly.+++

Hello (soon to be ex-) friends! Buckle up, things are going to be uncomfortable.

Sisters of Battle Suck

I know you just Macaulay Culkin-ed and probably can’t catch your breath. I’ll wait. Okay, let me get something straight first, I love the idea of SoB and would be the first to jump on a plastic Sisters army. But they suck. They cost the same as a Space Marine, but have Guardsmen stats and really don’t have a role in the 40k tabletop game. And they’re stuck in a weird situation because it is extremely hard to make them unique at this point.

You can’t make them tougher, or they’d be marines. You can’t make them weaker armor or they’d be Guard. The only thing you could do with them to make them unique would be give them special abilities like a list of choices that can each be used once per game … but then they’d be Skitarii. Or you could give them army-wide rules based around buffs that characters give them … but then they’d be Cult Mechanicus.

The truth is, GW has already painted the Sisters into a corner rules-wise with no real identity and have admitted that they don’t know what to do with them. Of course, you could always give them cool new models and with neat rules to give them a different feel, but the core of their rules at the moment are pretty weak. It will take some serious rules-trickery to get them out of the friend zone with this wargame.

Most of You Are Wasting Paint And Time

I know all of us are proud of our painting and many people seem to brag about spending seven hours on model, but honestly it’s probably a waste of your time and money. Unless you are aspiring to be a Golden Demon award-winner, your seven different layers of color, two washes, and four different brushes you use achieve the same outcome as a base color, wash, and highlight. If you enjoy painting for painting’s sake then do what makes you happy, but so many people I’ve seen agonize over their painting, spend hours and upon hours per model and then get frustrated that 95% of their army is unpainted. In most cases, a nice quick paint job with clean lines, a wash and a single highlight looks just as good as Mr. McThousandCoats.

 

Hordes Always Have An Advantage

As far as game mechanics go, the more times you get to roll for something, the more likely you will pass. Point for point, units that get to roll more dice for shooting, attacks, or saves have a serious advantage over “better” units. While a unit such as Grots have armor save and leadership issues, those can be mitigated by use of cover, or an Independent Character joining them. But you can get 40 Grots for 1 Carnifex, points-wise and that means ten times the ablative wounds with almost no draw backs if you counter their leadership and armor issues. I mean, 30 Grots going to ground in a Ruin on an objective is something that is hard to remove.

And what about buffs from Psychic powers? Throw Feel No Pain on a Carnifex, and ya get one 5+ FNP. Throw it on a unit of Gaunts and the effect is multiplied 20 x times over. Or what about Fearless? 20 Cultists is a heck of a lot sturdier with a fearless Chaos Lord attached; and guess how just gained 20 ablative wounds from shooting?

As many little circumstances as you may try to pull up, nothing is perfect and obviously swarms aren’t the end-all be-all. But they will always have an advantage over smaller, more expensive units if you can mitigate their issues. Remember kids: more dice = more chances to win.

Squats Were A Terrible Idea

Uh-oh. A couple people passed out, but it’s true and you know it. It’s not the idea of Squats that’s bad, their idea of Squats was bad. They were just basically obese Guardsmen. This is another army they have admitted they didn’t know what to do with, so they got canned. They were trying to be cute and funny with these roly-poly little goofballs, but that isn’t very fitting with the whole Grimdark atmosphere. They could have went a million different directions with these guys, from enhanced by cybernetics, to an army of crazy armored vehicles and walkers. But no, they went with a whole army of Danny DeVitos with lasguns and attitudes that seem far too jolly given their appearance.

Research shows that 10% of you have done this already if you’ve made it this far into the article.

You Don’t Actually Know The Rules To This Game

You might think you know how to play, but there’s at least a dozen key mistakes in any person’s knowledge base about this game. You’re not as well-versed in this game as you think, and all it takes is playing someone new to find out.

I’ve been playing 40k for almost a decade at this point, and we still have to consult the rulebook at least once per club meeting. It’s like the blind leading the blind here. I have played 40k with innumerable amounts of other players from all over the country and I’ve never met anyone who actually knew all of the rules. I mean, most of us have a functioning set of rules we know, while we just fudge the rest of it.

I’m often too lazy/don’t care enough to look up some strange rule for a specific situation and just say “do what you want, but it applied to both of us this game”. In a casual game with a friend, I’d rather be throwing dice than with my nose buried in a book, so as long as it makes sense, and we both get to do it I don’t care how we play.

~Did I miss any Hard Truths about 40K?

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  • Sam Nolton

    Does anyone actually find Pimpcron’s stuff funny?

    • Andrew

      Occasionally, but not really no. It’s forced, and this article in particular just seems like flamebait and very mean spirited.

      Mostly I only still come here for a few of the regulars in the comment section, though occasionally a piece of hobby news I hadn’t heard about pops up.

      • LeroyJenkinss

        Yes he’s hilarious. The best on bols.

        • Jonathan B.

          Which isn’t saying much.

          • ZeeLobby

            Haha… Yeah…

        • Mr.psyker

          I agree. I like pimpcron

    • pad_uk

      Yes.

    • Bakvrad

      Here! Me! Always!
      But I guess it’s because he is probably my father, so a Gene thing?
      Or maybe I just have the same sense of humor, born from years (actually decades already) of wargaming and experience of bold stupidity of people around me. I mean everybody has the right to be stupid once in a while. Some use their right to often 😀
      So: yeah I look forward to fridays

    • LeroyJenkinss

      He has great points and just makes them funny. Sometimes he misses but who doesn’t occasionally. I liked this one. He doesn’t just OMG NEW THING! BUY BUY BUY IT!!!!!!!! I appreciate him.

      • Thanks Leeeeerrrrooooooyyyy Jenkins!

    • I do. He’s my favorite guy on here.

      • euansmith

        Shill!

        • orionburn

          He’s just getting paid to say that.

          • marxlives

            Fakenews! Fakenews!

        • Jonathan B.

          Well, the average necron is a mindless automaton, so…

        • [gasp!] How did he figure it out?

    • stinkoman

      not particularly, but his points on painting are spot on (and i enjoy the painting aspect). I have painted so many armies, just getting basic clean colors on with a wash gets your army on the table in a fraction of the time while still looking good. OTOH, i have a friend who painstakingly paints comp level on all his squads. yes they look better, but it doesnt add to the game much and actually detracts from it when 95% of his army is still primer.

      • amaximus167

        If I got back into the game aspect, rather than just hobby time, I would pick one army that I could paint quickly, but still be happy with the outcome. Then, I would work on the models that I need painstaking detail on to be happy. Then I can play while doing the long game hobby projects.

    • Geronimo32509

      Usually.

    • ZeeLobby

      Some are OK. Some are thinly disguised contempt for those in the hobby he doesn’t like. He’s hit or Miss but at least he’s different then the majority of “we have the rules but let’s split them over 8 articles” articles.

    • amaximus167

      Not me! I do find his banter in the comments to be fun though.

    • Xodis

      Yes

    • dreamwarder

      Yes. And all of the above is true. Suck it.

  • rtheom

    In all fairness, 99.99999% of humans, no matter what they do, won’t be remembered more than 200 years, and even then, most of us are probably lucky to make it past 2 generations before they start forgetting you even existed. :p

    • Strategery.

      oh sh!t, better fly some planes into a building!

      • That went South real quick. lol

      • Damistar

        But do you know any of their names? Nope, just Osama Bin Laden was their boss.

      • LeroyJenkinss

        Too soon bra

      • rtheom

        Ya know, I bet if you asked Americans who did that, a majority would say “ISIS” right now.

  • Iconoc1ast
  • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

    I don’t think Sisters are stuck in dev hell, it’s just that, outside of the Munitorum Priest, they haven’t found a good way to model faith in 40k.That’s where I’d start.

    • Drpx

      Nobody gave them spammable ap2 and D weapons and invisibility therefore they suck.

      • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

        You mean access to Grav and long-range, multi-shot/AoE, high strength/low AP shooting, because the D and Invisibility are achievable through Allies, plus Geomancy/Santic give workarounds for their range problems.

  • cudgel

    Just play your Sisters of Battle as marines, QED. If someone complains put glue on their dice while they aren’t looking.

  • spla5hmummy

    All very true except maybe for the sisters thing. I’ve never played with or against them but I always figured having an entire unit with flamers would be pretty hard core. Considering you can take them with guard or space marines these days I’d be taking some units of them in drop pods (assuming they get that option) and going to a barbecue.

    • Christian Zajac

      They only have two units which can spam flamers; Dominions and Repentias. While outfitting a unit of Dominions with flamers is useless due to their act of faith (which gives Ignore Cover), Heavy Flamer Rets, on the other hand, can be terrifying, since their AoF gives Rending.

      • Majere613

        You mean Retributors- repentia are the ones with Eviscerators. Dominions work better with meltas due to the ignore cover AoF, sure, but the flamer ones Outflanking in an Immolator with t/l Heavy Flamers can wreak utter havok on blobs.

        Assuming that they don’t get lost and turn up on the wrong board edge.

        • euansmith

          “Assuming that they don’t get lost and turn up on the wrong board edge”

          33% of the time, that happens all the time.

  • Strategery.

    > Sisters of Battle Suck

    if they were just costed appropriately, and those one-use acts of faith were able to be used every turn of a game, that would go a lonnnnnng way

    > Most of You Are Wasting Paint And Time

    a lot of people are trying to impress their gaming group with their paint jobs. surely even you gave engaged in the pregame ritual of people in a gaming group showing each other newly painted models. its basic mammalian tribal hierarchy BS

    > 30 Grots going to ground in a Ruin on an objective is something that is hard to remove.

    is ignores cover already gone from your meta PC brah?

    maybe the title of this article should be “hard truths about my narrow perception of the 40k gaming community”

    • Christian Zajac

      “maybe the title of this article should be ‘hard truths about my narrow perception of the 40k gaming community'”

      That should be the name of every BoLS opinion article.

    • I was just making a point about Hoards in general. What about gaunts in Synpase? or green tide?

      • Majere613

        What about them? Even with FNP and Synapse, Gaunts die to Eradicators just as quick. Put 100 fearless, FNP Gaunts with ObSec on an objective and someone can still Tank Shock a Redeemer onto it to pinch it and then burninate the little blighters into the bargain. Wyverns cost so few points it’s criminal and annihilate most hordes in a couple of salvos, not to mention things like Manticores. Or you can drop two pie-plates on them from a Knight, shoot them up with the Gatling, then flame them, charge and Stomp them into the floor in a turn or so. Or jump ten Witchseeker Sisters of Silence out of a Rhino, instantly delete any buffs, and hit them with ten Flamers.

        Or you could see what happens when a horde takes on equivalent pointage of [expletive deleted] Scatbikes.

        I’m not saying hordes suck, but dominant? Hardly.

        • Trentat

          Precisely. There’s a reason you don’t see Gaunts, Green Tide, Guard blobs on top tables.

          But you do see Riptide Wings, Scatbikes, Centstars, and GC’s & SH Walkers.

          No horde can withstand the withering fire or Stomps of current meta.

          The only reason you see Plague Zombie hordes is because they’re bubble wrap for Quad Guns and artillery.

          • Iconoc1ast

            kept on seeing ‘Scatbikes’….

            did not know what they were so i had to google it because the imagination was not giving good feedback….

      • Scott Staten

        SoB Retributors with heavy flamers?

        🙂

      • Guido Hockmann

        What about hordes?

  • Christian Zajac

    Fixing SoB is not difficult. Play up the religious aspects more. Take inspiration from Chaos Space Marines, with icons and blessings and such, but for the Emperor instead of Chaos. You could even add Living Saints in place of Daemon Princes.

    Also, give them better anti-psyker capabilities. Not SoS tier, but something better than universal Adamantium Will.

    Finally, give them unique flame, melta, and bolt weapons that no one else has, along with stuff like blessed ammunition.

    • orionburn

      I don’t think it’s that difficult to fix them either. Given the trend of packing enough bits into a single box of models to build two distinct units GW doesn’t have to pour a ton of time/money into them. Compare them to another limited army like Skitarii. Two main boxes of troops which yields 4 different units all with distinct weapons. Granted SoB have more characters and such but overall you wouldn’t take up that much shelf space. I don’t think anyone expects them to have the resources or range compared to Space Marines, but honestly when GW is putting out separate Razorback and Dreadnought boxes for Deathwatch it kind of makes it hard to say they can’t do the same for SoB.

    • Majere613

      I must admit I don’t know where Pimple is coming from with that entry- SoB are 2ppm cheaper than Marines and shoot stuff with bolters just as well, better on their Faith turn. The one unique weapon they do have, the Exorcist, is a very solid piece of kit and could really have used the (falsely) rumoured Formation where you got to roll the D6 shots for several and use the highest. They also used to have flaming Heavy Bolter ammo for the Immolator which was removed because.. reasons?

      A few simple ‘fixes’- make Immolators Fast or add Torrent to the flamers, bring the Repressor or something similar into the main Codex (that front AV13 on a transport is very handy), make Acts of Faith re-usable and reverse the stupid War Hymns nerf so you can use the highest Ld in the squad again rather than having to follow Celestine around.

      Oh, and a final, slightly silly, tip- if you want to play the new Castellans detachment from Fall of Cadia with pure Sisters, take a Ministorum Priest as an Astra Militarum model to satisfy the requirement for two Factions. (Or do the reverse to play all AM but seriously, who needs to?)

    • Heinz Fiction

      Also: in a game with half a dozen different flavours of Space Marines, SoB would be a nice change if just for the looks!

  • Jared Swenson

    here’s another hard truth: pimpcron is not funny or relevant

  • edendil

    Very interesting article. But, I have to question some of the points made:

    1) Regarding SOB’s – does each army absolutely have to play in a distinctly different way? Sure, that’d be nice, but maybe its enough if they just look cool and have a different aesthetic?

    2) Orks are a horde army, and I thought the consensus was that they are not very competitive?

    3) SQUATS FOREVER! I FREAKIN’ LUV SQUATS!

    • Iconoc1ast
    • In a normal game, green tide is almost impossible to kill if done right. The reason why they don’t work too well in tournaments is due to restrictions on your lists for said tourny.

      • Charon

        The reason why they do not do well in tournaments is that 1) hordes are not hard to kill anymore, 2) movement got more and more important 3) you run out of time moving your pices as game time is limited.
        Green tide actually was a contender for top tables om earlier times of 7th but that changed a lot due to multiple new ways to deal with horde even as smallish elite force.
        Hell even summoning can pin green tide forever in place.
        I would agree if it was just “cost efficient dice will always have an advantage”, but horde is just no longer a threat.
        Even one of the armies that actually employs a big blob of units (zombies in a renegade army) only does so to protect their artillery pieces. They are not even supposed to roll dice… they are just there so better and smaller units can roll dice.

  • Tigirus

    I liked the sisters when they still had faith points, it gave them a mechanic that was uniquely them (or at least until the psychic phase happened) rather than just a lame one use ld test. It’s hard to say where they go now but there’s a lot of shared territory between imperial factions anyway so I don’t think it’s an issue if they keep their role of “shittier marines/buffed guardsmen”. An interesting idea that I had was to have them gain a pool of faith points based on casualties/turn length somewhat like blood tide or power from pain to show their faith through martyrdom and the like. While it isn’t really a unique mechanic it gives them a bit more to do in a game than just spam melta. That said this is all assuming that they actually get some new units/ kits to fill them out.

    For the painting thing I actually find it insulting that you said that, of course if you use that logic everything is pointless it’s like saying what’s the point of buying a sports car when a rusty old beater gets you from point a to point b as well. People put many hours into a model because they want to put hours into it. Some times I paint a model quick to have it painted sometimes I try to do something fancy for the heck of it and to see if I can do a new technique and if I do something fancy you better be damn sure I’m going to show it off.

    • You may have missed the line where I said if you like to paint for painting’s sake then go have fun. But I know dozens of people who spend all this time on one model just to frustrate themselves because they are going too slow, which leads to hobby depression (a real thing).

      • orionburn

        I do agree on the depression thing. Generally I don’t put near as much effort into troops that I do my armor. For that I break out the airbrush and try to do my best. Those are always the centerpieces on the table anyway. There are times when I have to tell myself a) I’m never going to be a competition painter and b) it’s more fun when my model is on the table in a game rather than sitting in my painting queue unfinished.

      • Those people just need to power through to the next wash, it always looks good after that.

  • Charon

    The part about hord is wrong here as you ignore the not so obvious drawbacks. MSU is still king in this game.
    30 grots or 6×5 grots which are easier to move around, can grab multiple objectives and laugh at that overkill of 20 scattlas wounds which would have killed 20 models in a big blob.
    Also it is easier to find the precise amount of firepower needed to kill a unit if you can fire 6×5 shots and swith target if you would overkill a unit instead of shooting 30 guns and wasting half of your wounds.
    The horde bonus is pretty minor as there are an awful lot of weapons which can reliably deal with it, especialy when your mobility also sucks (hordes do not ride).
    You are correct about the buffs but buffing hore also means you invest a lot of your points in a single high point cost model (the buff bot) which in turn eats up your point budget for more bodies.

    • Knight_of_Infinite_Resignation

      What actually wins, I’ve found, is a horde of MSU, which is now possible due to FOC changes. Spam as many of the cheapest (hopefully fearless) units you can and see if your opponent can kill them all (clue: he can’t). 4×10 zombies is better than 1×40, by far, its still kind of a horde army.

      • Charon

        correct. Bigb blobs are not going anywhere.

      • stinkoman

        there’s a bat rep floating out there on youtube with 20×5 units of furies and 8×5 units of flesh hounds getting tabled by 20 Grey knights. legit. a horde of suck is still suck.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHFGiQ_iPHs

        • Knight_of_Infinite_Resignation

          The way to win with these lists is not to fight, but to contest objectives and hide. 5 units of 20 furies is ok, 20 units of 5 furies is better!

    • Valegorn

      That’s not true, actually its pretty situational. You can still lose with hordes.

      But it’s mathematically a fact that the more dice you roll, the more statistically accurate your outcomes will be. MSU are less reliable to roll the statistical average, therefore are kind of a loose cannon. They can do some serious work for you, or they can really fall flat.

      Every game of horde armies I run always perform consistently how they should (because of the amount of dice I’m rolling)

      You’re also forgetting the points difference. A horde of cheap guys will usually cost the same as a single MSU, and the horde will perform better, statistically. There is nothing more satisfying than a bunch of cheap horde units killing a smaller elite unit, especially when that unit costs more than the combined cost of the horde units.

      It’s all about the math, and math is something you can’t really argue against.

      • Charon

        care to give the difference between 30 shots from 30 models and 30 shots from 6×5 models? They will average out as the number is the same.
        It does not matte if you roll al 30 at once or if you roll them one by one.

        There is no points difference in MSU. MSU does not mean small, expensive elite units but only multiple small units.

        • Valegorn

          Easy, because with horde armies chances are 30 models are WAY cheaper than 6×5 of MSU. It comes down to points. MSU’s usually need some basic things in order to make them work, and the biggest one is they need to be comprised of mid to high quality troops (which cost more points than horde armies).

          So for the points of your MSU I’d be able to get twice as many (and more in some cases) cheaper guys who overall perform better on a statistics curve. So you may have 30 guys, but I’ll have 60+ guys for the same amount of points. And as everyone who’s taken statistics knows, the more dice you roll, the more you’ll reliably roll the statistics.

          With MSU’s yes you many over the course of the game perform averagely, but its going to take a lot of rolls to get there. And let me as you something, have you ever had an MSU perform poorly? Sure it may perform amazingly at times, but chances are your MSU is going to get smaller and smaller so it might not average out. With horde armies you hit the averages pretty consistently, and if you can get consistent results from the dice, then it’s a lot easier to achieve victory.

          • Charon

            You still confuse terms. MSU does not mean expensive.
            You can either run 20 Kabalite warriors (horde, big blob) or you can run 4×5 Kabalite warriors (MSU) that does not change point costs.
            Another example would be tyranids where it would come down to 4×10 gaunts vs 1×40 Gaunts. There is NO difference in price. You cant say “horde is better because it is cheaper” point difference depends on the army and sepup. Not on how big units are.

          • Valegorn

            Sure, The point of horde armies is that I can take more guys then you can for the same amount of points. And because I have more guys (dice rolls), they will perform statistically more reliable which makes it easier to achieve victory.

            Sure if we both were running marines and I had 3 units of 10 vs your 6 units of 5 then the extra mobility and safeguarding against too many casualties will help, but that’s not what we’re talking about, we’re talking about a crap ton of dirt cheap models vs the same amount of mid-high point models, but has fewer models.

          • Charon

            That is exactly what we are talking about.
            As the point with dirt cheap horde armies is basically completely invalidated by the exteme underperformance of cheap horde armies/options like imperial infantry, Orks or Swarmy Nids.

          • Valegorn

            except the math is on the side of more dice rolls. If you have more expensive guys that roll fewer dice then you’re going to perform statistically more randomly. With horde armies I get far fewer games where it feels like the dice were against me, and that’s because I’m rolling twice or three times as many dice. So therefore it becomes a lot easier to map out the steps to victory.

            Pimp and I are not saying horde armies are OP, we’re saying in a situation where more dice are being rolled vs fewer dice, the math favors the one rolling more dice. Its still very situational, my 30 hormagaunts will never glance that landraider, and horde armies have their own challenges to overcome as well.

          • Charon

            There is no more dice if both are equally costed….
            also horde does not equal more dice.
            From your 40 orcs, half will be out of range for everything anyways.
            You want cost efficient dice, dice that matter… and that is not horde.
            Scatterbikes or venoms for example generate a lot of high quality dice without beeing “horde”

          • Valegorn

            You just proved my point dude,

            you said,
            “Scatterbikes or venoms for example generate a lot of high quality dice”

            I completely agree, because the key word you used was “A LOT”.

            BUT……..a full unit of scatterbikes still statistically underperform a horde units that min-mix # of shots.

            LETS DO SOME MATH!

            A full unit of scatterbikes, but otherwise bare bones is 270pts.

            264pts = 33 gants w/ Devourers
            270pts = 54 guardman w/FRFSRF

            Lets say we’re shooting at power armor (a pretty standard issue opponent), here are results presented as statistically as average kills per volley.

            Scatter bikes @ 40shots = 7.407 kills
            Gants w/Dev @ 99shots = 8.250 kills
            Guard w/order @ 162 shots = 9.0 kills

            Ok, so now lets factor in how often you’ll get these results? Without going into the statistical curve and all that, lets just say the more dice you roll, the more statistically average your results will be. You roll a die 3 times and you’ll get some pretty lop sided results (each number on a die has a 16.666 chance of happening) You roll the same die 100 times and you’ll start to see that.

            SO, going back to Pimp’s point, and mine. The more dice you roll, the more statistically reliable your shots will be.

            And I haven’t even gotten to the point of the massive amount of wounds each of those blobs have. If you showed up to the fight expecting to kill marines, well, you’re not going to kill the horde of guys fast enough.

          • Charon

            can you point out where Ekldar and Dark eldar are classified as horde armies? You twist and turn at every single moment.
            Nobody disputes that a lot of dice is a good thing. We are arguing that HORDE is not a good thing as it is a bad way of generating said dice.
            His point was:
            “Hordes Always Have An Advantage”
            Which is dead wrong.

          • Valegorn

            Did you even read his article, he gave why hordes have the advantage. AND I QUOTE,

            “As far as game mechanics go, the more times you get to roll for something, the more likely you will pass. Point for point, units that get to roll more dice for shooting, attacks, or saves have a serious advantage over “better” units.”

            You read it wrong dude, his point was about the number of dice roll, something that HORDE armies gravitate towards.

            Figures I’d get this level of stupidity from an Eldar player.

          • Charon

            How old are you kiddo 12?
            You are wrong. Thats about it. You skip half of the article and gravitate towarde the only sentenct that is correct. We are discussing HORDE. Since start. HORDE is a terrible way to create dice.

          • Valegorn

            Seriously dude, did you just read the headline of the paragraph and nothing else? Pimp makes his argument pretty clearly, it’s super hard to misunderstand what he said (unless you didn’t read it at all).

            Go back and READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE, not just the titles of each paragraph.

            He’s talking about more dice being rolled, more wounds, and he even gets into ways to make the hordes harder to kill working even more for you.

          • Valegorn

            You obviously have a hatred for horde armies, did a horde army touch you inappropriately at some point? Obviously you’re extremely biased because not even facts and math (OR READING), or even the basic concept of understanding an argument can change your mind about hordes.

            He says hordes have an advantage and you start wailing and gnashing your teeth. YOu don’t even read his reasons why they have an advantage (which is logically and mathematically true). You just freak out and say,
            “We are discussing HORDE. Since start. HORDE is a terrible way to create dice.”

            Show me on the doll where the horde touched you 😉

          • Charon

            “YOu don’t even read his reasons why they have an advantage (which is logically and mathematically true). ”

            And there we go again.
            It is not true. Youst because you calculate 50 shots from 50 models that does not mean “these 50 models are actually all in range for some reason”.
            Again. HORDEs do not have an advantage.
            Units that can cost efficient generate dice have an advantage. No amount of raging and insulting will change that simple fact.

  • Wilkie Cort

    I Love Pimpcron, his articles always make me laugh 😀
    And while I don’t nessesarily agree with the Horde part of it, the Squat part is spot on 😀

  • Hoards are super great, which is why Orks, Guard and Nids are dominating the tournament scene over those smaller, more elite armies, like Marines and Eldar. I saw a Tau player field like 10 models he called “Riptides” and “Ghostkeels” overwhelmed by a simple wave of termaguants. Just couldn’t handle the numbers.

    • Knight_of_Infinite_Resignation

      Seriously hordes do work, but only under certain circumstances. The units need to be cheap, fearless or equivalent, and there does need to be some part of the army that puts out damage. IA13 Renegades has won a few tournaments because it fits this description.

      • “Hoards Always Have An Advantage”… a few tournaments by one army with a series of silly rules seen no where else does not make “always”, nor clearly define if it was the hoard aspect or the Ordnance Tyrant that gave them an advantage…

        • Knight_of_Infinite_Resignation

          In my personal experience the MSU horde has a huge advantage. I have only lost 1 of about 20 games I’ve played with my IA13 list. Club players are usually unprepared for its volume of fearless infantry. I don’t even use artillery (but I do use rapier batteries).

          • ZeeLobby

            It’s def strong. The power armies still chew through though.

          • Knight_of_Infinite_Resignation

            I’m really talking about club level play not tournament level. The tournament crew win through broken combos usually it seems.

          • Every army has a chance to win and can be good locally. Over the entire meta (audience of BoLS) though certain armies tower over others. Most hoard armies are at the base to middle of that tower.

            The article suggests otherwise in absolute terms. I called bull.

  • Hagwert

    With sisters , it’s not just about being competitive because they have great fluff. I realise they are not good on the tabletop but they are a great part of the 40k story.

    • Valegorn

      yeah, honestly the easiest way to make sisters competitive is give them a codex wide invulnerable save. I don’t know where the cut off should be, but maybe a 5+ or 4+. That would fit their fluff and make them awesome!

      Faith points every turn was a good time for sisters, but not what they have now.

      They are by far one of the most iconic armies in 40k, they really do need to find a way to make them work, everything about them is just Awesome!

      • euansmith

        How about a 7++ save that gets one better each turn?

        • Valegorn

          that’ll work too.

  • Valegorn

    LOL, so true.

    I once had a friendly discussion about the benefit of numbers during a game. I was playing Nids and had a poop ton of spine gaunts (gaunts with spine fists that cost 4 pts each at the time). Codex Deamonhunters had just come out so he was running that, and he deep striked a full 10 man squad of Grey Knight terminators with a character (a very expensive unit) in front of my (I think it was 3 units of 20) spine gaunts, which is 80pts x 3 = 240pts. That’s 2 shots each, so 120 shots at S3 AP-, I rolled fairly well above average and dished out something like 30+ wounds. Out of 30 dice he rolled enough 1’s that I completely wiped the unit off the field in that shooting phase. His unit was like 400-500+ points.

    After that I tried to throw the game because he was pretty upset. Not only had I told him about the power of numbers AND he disputed me on it, but I totally Harlem Globetrottered him right after saying I would. I felt pretty bad. It was literally like watching something from Good Will Hunting.

    Yes, more die rolls = victory,

  • Son_of_Corax_XIX

    Officially the best article you have ever written by a long stretch. Nice to see some honesty on here with an article that isn’t just to draw the masses and masses of clicks

  • Valegorn

    1) Sisters: Very true. I love the poop out of them but they feel too much like Marines with worse stats and fewer weapon options. But man I wish they found a place because they are so iconic and cool!

    2) Painting: Yes and no. Just because some agonize over painting doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Think back to how many times it took talking to girls before you became somewhat comfortable with it. You may look like a goombah at first but each step forward should be celebrated. Do you have kids Pimp? I sure hope not.

    3) Hordes: totally agree. More dice = more statistically accurate results = victory.

    4) Squats: Sadly yes, cool idea but they just don’t fit at all.

    5) Rules: Its always going to be that way. I have yet to meet a judge/rules authority who hasn’t still had to look crap up now and then. But don’t worry, its actually good for us.

    • euansmith

      He does repeated refer to being a “father of four”; though, I hear that one of them is a Canoptek Spyder.

      • Valegorn

        I was being facetious, his painting comments made me imagine him as a cold parent who doesn’t account for personal growth, and thinks that if you can’t get it perfect the first time, all your time and effort is pointless. But again, I said it facetiously.

  • vlad78

    Squats were not a terrible idea. Actually thye were miles better than fishmen in mecha armors.

  • Donald Lindsey

    Ooooh! You’ve been playing a whole decade? Why are you allowed to write this dribble? What you wrote is not thought provoking, not well thought out and should have been left on your personal blog.

    • Nyyppä

      Why exactly are you offended by this?

      • orionburn

        Because everyone is offended by everything and it’s our civic duty to let everyone on the intrawebs know of our displeasure.

        • euansmith

          “… and the horse you rode in on, orionburn! If that is your real name!?”

      • Why exactly are you defending this?

        • Nyyppä

          I’m not. It does not neec defending.

          I’m still curious though. Why are you people offended by it?

  • Nyyppä

    That’s one of the most accurate articles of this year. Satire or not it ends up being honest and objective. Kudos.

  • Adrien Fowl
  • The_Illusionist

    “Sisters of Battle Suck”
    This is hardly a secret; they haven’t had a proper codex release in nearly 15 years, through 3 different editions of the game. Saying that they need to be “more than just Marines with special rules”, however, is completely untrue – that quote is pretty much the perfect description for Blood Angels, Dark Angels, Space Wolves and Grey Knights, the latter two sitting at the top tier of tournament play for years. Most armies would be LUCKY to call themselves “Marines with special rules”, going down that route is entirely plausible and likely to be effective.

    “Most Of You Are Wasting Paint And Time”
    Because excellent painters sprout, fully formed, from the foreheads of their fathers without any apparent effort? And that having ambition to improve, and acting upon it by trying new and different things, is badwrongterrible? TROLLcron, more like it.

    “Hordes Always Have An Advantage”
    No; statistically reliable dice rolling always has an advantage. The easy way to get that is to roll lots of dice and let them average out, but armies like Eldar and Grey Knights have proven, time and time again, that it’s often more effective to roll a handful of dice and then use bonus’, rerolls and modifiers to ensure a good result. That’s why Grey Knights dominated 5th Edition, Eldar dominated 6th and 7th, and Orks haven’t been a consistent threat since…. what, 4th? When they abused Merry Go Round Wounds and had nothing else after that?

    “Squats Were A Terrible Idea”
    An anachronism. Squats *ARE* a terrible idea because their models are awful, their rules were bad and their whole aesthetic of Space Biker Gangs no longer fits into the larger, galaxy-spanning-Empires images of current 40k. Back in the 1980’s though, Squats *WERE* a perfectly fine idea because the setting was much smaller, their fluff had them fit just fine among Space Marines who were little more than 2000AD Judges rather than genetically malformed super soldiers, and EVERYONE had bad rules so at least they didn’t stand out.

    “You Don’t Actually Know The Rules To This Game”
    ….Yeah, you got me on this one. In my defence though; I play Black Templars, so not only do I not know, but I don’t care how Psychic Powers work. I certainly don’t care to memorise the endless tables of random effects that can happen to Chaos Daemons and/or Chaos Space Marines, or the specific relic weapon/special character rules for something like Clan Raukaan, which I have never played against.

  • thereturnofsuppuppers

    A new one.

    That your use of the hobby to paste over deeper emotional problems is very obvious to others.

    Especially your significant other.

    • Lol. Maybe. Just maybe. [drinks vinegar, because I deserve it and I’m worthless]

  • AregonAlmighty

    So, a hobby I can take up in my spare time for my own enjoyment, is a waste of time.

    …Isn´t that kinda the point?

    • amaximus167

      Exactly!

  • Bakvrad

    One of the missed out hard truths:
    Lot of 40k players have very bad memory.
    Like, when they have this psychic power, that has the profile x/y but they forget it’s a nova
    Or soul blaze
    Or that it’s not: warhammer 40k: a tournament tabletop game in a grimdark universe.
    Or that this article starts with a warning for sensitive people.

    The last FAQ series proves this point further.

  • Nathan whiteman

    I agree with the squats being a waste of time, they are one faction that should be left to die.

  • OrksIsMadeFerRockin

    Hard truth no one wants to hear: this game is fun even in its current incarnation

    • TRUTH

    • Geronimo32509

      And it could be MUCH better. Demand better and you might get it. Another hard truth.

      • ZeeLobby

        Haha. Amen.

    • Nyyppä

      To who? I mean, anything is fun if you ask the right people. Some people eat glue, some like to be thrown up on. 40k being fun is right there with those kinds of things.

      I think that the right question is “why”, not “what”.

      • euansmith

        Word to the wise, don’t let someone combine eating glue and throwing up on you. I’m just sayin’.

        • Nyyppä

          This could be the concentrated wisdom of our lifetime.

  • YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS! (especially the Sisters and Squats parts)

  • Matthew James

    I agree with your truth rant!

  • MechBattler

    “This is madness! 40K is everything!”
    “Madness? 40K. ISN’T. THAT. IMPORTANT!!!”
    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/4665329/this-is-sparta-o.gif

  • Jabberwokk

    Finally a good article.

  • Alfie Phillips

    I love how genuinely annoyed people seem to be getting over what is clearly satire and something that actually benefits the hobby hugely when you realise that most of the negative aspects surrounding wargaming come from people taking the game/rules/painting/etc. so seriously that they’re unable to see the situation from anyone’s perspective but their own. Being able to develop a healthy sense of humility about ones own interests and ideas is what keeps the hobby moving forward.

    A really good article, even if it is just a bit of cheap fun, I think it highlights a relevant issue within the community without actually forcing it on you by keeping the tone humorous and the language unambiguous.

  • SilentPony

    So wait, why is painting the model, which is roughly half the hobby seeings how its a model based wargame, considered more a waste of time than actually playing?
    I mean what, you think you’re going to be a professional Warhammer player? You think you’re gonna go E-Sport and get paid to roll dice?! Unless you’re going Pro, its a complete waste of time to even play this game. DUH!

    I mean who the hell does a hobby for the enjoyment of the hobby?!

  • Xodis

    Totally true, although I paint models to look pretty in my display cabinet and hope some day to get a Golden Demon/Slayer Sword……I also hope to win the lottery though so…goals? lol

  • Dan

    I can give you a couple of mechanics for Sisters that’d be fluffy right here and now.

    Acts of Faith are large scale, board-wide buffs (this way they scale to any game size) and have a faith points cost. can easily institute rules about how many times each power or how many times total acts of faith can be used this way

    one way to go about doing it is to play up the “waiting for a blessing” where at the start of a game turn the SOB player puts the Faith Power Card they want to use face down to use next turn. The rest of the turn they pay attention to whatever events transpire in the game to give bonus faith points to this power (kills with flamers might be for a wrathful power, your own units dying, passing leadership checks or armour saves, etc for a defensive power). at the start of *next* game turn it flips, and they have to roll a d6, add the appropriate bonuses and if its passed the power goes off. That way you need to try and orchestrate the battle to make events that help you occur and it simulates that “waiting and praying for help” aspect where your actions are dictated by what the faith demands. At a strategic level it’s interesting in that you need to plan way ahead.

    Likewise another way is for whatever events that give you generic faith points to your pool, like martyrdom etc, to add up and accrue like Blood Tithe for KDK. Then when you opt to use a power you roll a D6, add *all* accrued faith points and the power goes off or not. That more closely simulates convenient deus ex machine style divine intervention and instead of having a player plan ahead means you give them more reactionary powers.

    Then your whole army is kind of built around these powers and the battle has a certain ebb and flow of you shifting and adjusting these global priorities which may or may not pay off (again its prayer, it won’t always be rewarded) but you still can influence how likely it is that it will occur through in-game actions.

  • Iron Father Stronos

    How about the burnt holes in all of your pockets and wallets?

    How about the spilled washes and waterfalls of tears that follow, that are enough to refill said spilt pot?

    How about dust bunnies invading the collection?

    How about – you never are really settled on an army, youll find a new one before you finish….

    lol so many good topics. Thanks PC

  • Hendrik Booraem VI

    I’m with you on the painting thing. I tell the new players that I recruit that I’m an “80% kind of guy.” In the time you take to do the extras that take it that last 20% to amazing, I can do 5 more models to my 80% standard. Which means I can have a whole squad of Space Marines with four colors on them, while you have two models painted. God forbid we start talking about basing the models.

    Now, hey, maybe you’re in it for the hobbying, moreso than the playing. In which case, great! You’re getting the fun out of it that you want! But I want to roll dice and be able to tell great stories about what my guys did when the chips were down.

    And the rules thing is true, too. I only just found out the other day that Independent characters get 2+ Look Out Sir rolls. Also, when the FAQ was released re: grenades, I couldn’t understand why it was an issue. The Big Rule Book clearly states that only one model per squad can make a grenade attack. And I keep reading that storm bolters don’t get to use special ammunition, but that’s clearly not right, since they’re in the BRB under the list of “bolter weapons.” So, yeah, we all clearly don’t know the rules nearly as well as we think. I check the rulebook literally every game for something.

    And while squats may not have been “unique” in terms of theme, they had a very unique background and feel – they were a cross between imperial guard and space marines, and that was really cool. Plus they had different movement range, I think, but weren’t impacted as much by heavy weapons. Something like that, anyway.

    While I think Pimpcron is completely wrong in wanting to see WH40K made “more like Age of Sigmar,” I’m in agreement with him on most of what he posted in this article.

  • Jonathan B.

    “Hard Truths About 40K You Don’t Want To Hear” – Pimpcron
    “What is Truth?” – Pontius Pilate

  • marxlives

    The squats thing is on the nose. Dwarves from Warpath are way more intense than squats. But that is not a bad thing, the lack of dwarves in 40k, actually gives the game character. CMoN Dark Age and Infinity do not have dwarves or even space elves in their sci-fi and they are plenty of flavourful fluff wise.

  • Rich

    The D6 is what is holding the game back.

  • Flag 5: Enemy in sight!

    I don’t agree that the Sisters are orphans in this wargames, you price them mid range between a guardsman and a marine and load up on the flames and faith points. They problem comes from their support vehicles, and making them varied enough that you are not playing the same army every game. I do agree with the Squats being a bit of a joke in their last incarnation. I thought that their tech capability should have played up. If you don’t kill them all by the end of the game ,then they have built a bunch of Megazords to kill you all.

  • Alexis Thouin Bourdeau

    True.

  • Silas7

    I agree with quite a bit in this post, even if it wasn’t meant to be a serious one.

  • Marc Wittkowski

    I honestly don’t care too much if people can tell that I used 4 highlights and two washes for my miniatures as opposed to one wash and one highlight. It’s not like I paint my minis for other people’s enjoyment, I paint them the way I do to have fun, be happy with the results and satisfy my standards. Appreciation and reassurance from others are a nice bonus, but far from being a necessity.