Pimpcron is calling you all out this week.
Hello people! Your democratically–elected Pimpcron is here with a dose of truth and time management. I often ask people with non-painted armies why their armies aren’t painted. And no, it is only in rare cases that I’m pushing them up against a locker and knocking their books out of their hand when I say it. Though, I do generally finish the sentence with “nerd” and I’ve been known to wear my high school football jacket with my letter.
No, I’m not being a holier-than-though painting hobby bully. I’m genuinely asking them if they don’t like painting, or think they can’t paint well, etc. And nine times out of ten, they tell me that they “don’t have time”. It is at that point I push them into a locker, call them a liar, and take their lunch money. Everyone in my gaming group knows I rule with an iron fist, and there’s a saying, “Liars don’t eat”.
We hear this expression constantly in life. From kids not finishing their project for school, to adults saying they don’t have time to hang out with each other. And nothing boils my blood more than hearing a single friend with a normal 9am-5pm job and no kids say “I don’t have any free time”. If I wasn’t already on probation for multiple accounts of assaulting nerds, I’d punch them in the face.
So when I hear this horribly incorrect expression, I have to sit down and think to myself, “Does this person really not have to do [whatever]?” Well, I used to use this phrase too, and nobody (except Big Brother) knows me better than I do. So here is an imaginary example of one of my single days before having kids to show that this phrase needs to be expunged from our language. The thing I’m saying I don’t want to do is … hmmm. Let’s say bathe my elderly neighbor’s ferret (no innuendo, a literal pet ferret).
Isn’t she adorable?
I wake up just in time to go to work, and head out the door. Could I have woken up earlier to bathe Sparkles that I told Mrs. Widdlebottom I don’t have time for? Yup. I work all day and come home. I might have a chore or something to do before I make dinner. After dinner, I get on the internet instead of scrubbing Sparkles. Then I read a comic book and drink sweet tea, obviously not with a freshly-cleaned ferret. After that, I talk on the phone with my girlfriend instead of dunking a ferret in water.
And before bed, Mrs. Widdlebottom calls and asks if I could come over tomorrow and I say, “Gee willikers Mrs. Widdlebottom, I would love to, but my schedule’s been super busy and I’ll have to let you know.” 24 hours later, the ferret is still nasty and I played Magic: The Gathering with a friend, cleaned my bathroom, watched the Simpsons, and painted some models.
I did have time. I lied to myself and her because it wasn’t one of my favored things to do with my free time. Let’s say I loved Sparkles to death and she was an awesome ferret. Let’s say I really didn’t mind bathing her, but other things got in the way.
He’s lying and I know it.
Well clearly you have time for whatever you want. Very, very few of you work 80 hours a week. To those of you who do, you get a free pass. To all of the rest of you, you have to do some soul searching and realize that your life is full of things you MUST do. Sleep, eat, work, cleaning yourself and your living space. The rest of everything you do is what you choose to do. I talk to people all the time that claim they don’t have time but watch TV for 4 hours at night. Guess what Peaches? That was time you could be doing other things.
So on an average day of a working adult with no kids, when you take all of your “must-do” things out of the way, you really only get about a Top 5 things you have free time for. If you don’t choose ferret cleaning or model painting to be in that Top 5, you’ll never “have time” to do it; because you never made time to do it. If you have children your list goes down to a Top 2 or 3 due to butt-wiping, cleaning up spills, and refereeing arguments.
Single People with no kids: “Nah, I can’t do [whatever], I’m super busy.”
So you have to figure out how badly you really want to paint your models, and be honest when someone asks you why you don’t paint them. Or wash the ferret. Or wax your back hair, any of the things you’ve been putting off. It’s about Time Management. If you shaved off just a bit of time each night from Facebook, TV, or twisting your mustache near railroad crossings and laughing, you’d have more time for the things you say you wish you had time for.
BUT here’s the catch, it doesn’t matter if painting your miniatures is in your Top 5 or not. You’re an adult and your time is yours. If you’d rather watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians instead of painting a model, there is nothing wrong with that. Well, there is but that’s another topic. Just be honest with yourself and others that it isn’t a matter of “not having time” for it, you choose not to do it.
The same goes for money management. I see people constantly say that don’t have money for bills, yet own 4 laptops, 2 tablets, 3 cell phones, cable internet access, video game consoles, 2 vehicles, eat dinner out all the time, among other things. Just be honest with yourself, it helps put things into perspective and helps you identify what is important to you.
So why isn’t your army painted?
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