Pimpcron: 40k Dad Jokes

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Okay, 40k-themed dad jokes, not 40,000 dad jokes.Hey guys and gals! Your Pimpcronomatic 5000 is here again to bring you some cringe. This week I humbly offer you a bunch of 40k dad jokes, which if you aren’t familiar with that term, usually means bad puns. Like what your dad probably tells.

Now, many of you probably know that I’m a father. But many of you may not know that when you become a father, you naturally develop a tiny gland under your right arm that produces dad jokes each morning. These are the sweetest, richest, and freshest dad jokes around. So I figured I’d think really hard about 40k before bed each night and see what my gland produces. Don’t laugh, this is science and evolution at work here.

Okay, Here it is. Prepare to Cringe!

 

Why did the Chaos Gods stop inviting Khorne to breakfast?

Khorne flakes

Who is the most helpful Primarch?

Dorn’s always willing to lend a hand.

Is that supposed to be funny?

What unit makes the best cashiers?

Lords of Change

How do Astartes chefs add flavor?

A salt cannon.

 

The back part is all salt packets.

 

Who are the best dancers?

Khorne Bertwerkers

What vehicle has the most right-wing machine spirit?

The Rhino

What do you call it when an Australian Tactical Squad splits into two?

Wombat Squading

Why is Magnus so far in college debt?

He has a thousand sons

What do people say who hate Autocannons?

I Hades Autocannons

Who are the biggest threat to Imperium teeth?

Plaque Marines

What are Space Wolf bits called?

Kibbles and Bits

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

The Inquisition

Knock Knock

Knock Knock

[people seen fleeing in background]

Knock Knock

They have no luck as Christmas Carolers either.

What Chapter makes the worst proctologists?

Iron Hands

What is the Dark Angels’ favorite restaurant?

Buffalo Raven Wings

What race is always crying?

Tear-anids

What unit has the worst batting record in baseball?

Striking Scorpions

What is the funniest Astartes Chapter?

Ultramarines. Because they’re a joke.

 

Alright people, do your sides hurt or does your head hurt from these terrible dad jokes? I personally am a sucker for dad jokes, but cows like milk too, right?

This week you get a free pass on any hate you wanna throw my way. 🙂

~Do You Have Any 40k Dad Jokes To Share?

 

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  • nvrdeadned

    Why do sisters of battle alway win in close combats?

    Because everyone just falls over to get them to stop talking.

    Pahahaha

    • shmabadu

      Why are Sisters of Battle so hard to kill?

      Because they can bleed for 5 days and not die.

  • petrow84

    I’m genuinely amazed that you left out the Jeans-stealer classic. Might wanna do a second part with 40000 40k dad-jokes.

    Also, which chapter was appointed to the population control of the Imperium?
    The Castral Claws.

    • Matthew Collins

      I call mine pants stealers.

  • Axinous

    What do Khorne Berserkers do when they play in the snow? They make Blood Angels.

    What is Kharn’s favorite food? Khorne Dog’s.

    What do you get when you deep fry Kroot? The Greater Finger Licking Good.

  • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

    Why are there no Enginseers assigned to Catachan Regiments? Because they already know all the magic words to make the tank go.

    How many Valhallans does it take to change a light bulb? MORE.

    How many Raven Guard does it take to change a lightbulb? Couldn’t tell you, it was dark.

    • jexinator

      Those bulb joke : D

  • ILikeToColourRed

    iron hands got a good chuckle from me

  • euansmith

    “Knock knock.”

    “Who’s there?”

    “Alpharius!”

    “What? I thought I was Alpharius!?”

    “Hail, Hydra!”

    • Pimpcron

      These were great. lol

      • Arthfael

        “What vehicle has the most right-wing machine spirit?”
        I did not get that one. The rest were great!

        • Raven Jax

          It’s a U.S. joke, so you might not get it if you’re not familiar with our political system. A “Rino” is a derogatory name for a Republican, often used by other Republicans to describe someone they don’t like. It’s an acronym that stands for Republican In Name Only.

          • Arthfael

            Thanks for educating me on that. While I do follow American politics as much as possible, I hadn’t yet encountered that term ^^

        • Pimpcron

          A “Rino” republican is a Republican in name Only. In other words a liberal Repubilcan. I totally messed up my own joke. lol. Should have said left wing.

    • Pimpcron

      I tried really hard to figure one out for Necrons, but sadly never came up with that one.

      • euansmith

        “01001011 01101110 01101111 01100011 01101011 00100001 00100000 01001011 01101110 01101111 01100011 01101011 00100001”

        “Who’s there?”

      • EnTyme

        What is the Silent King’s favorite game?

        Settlers of C’tan

  • James Regan

    I still reckon the crowning dad jokes of 40k are the old references now become deeply entrenched in lore- i’m looking at you, poorly named primarchs… Lionel Jonson in particular, as that is a proper attempt at a joke reference

    • euansmith

      Lion L Jonson always makes my toes curl with its heavy handedness; though knowing the background to the poem, “Dark Angel” does give a bit of a “love that dare not speak its name” texture to the Chapter.

      One of my favourite GW pun names is “Ultramarines” as it works on both levels; as a cool name and a hue based pun.

  • Tshiva keln

    What’s the most effective exercise in the galaxy?

    Squats. All chubby little buggers completely disappear.

  • mark

    How do you make a chaos spawn laugh? You give him ten tickles.

  • I_am_Alpharius

    Ha good stuff!

    – Whats an Orks favourite resturant? Waaaagh-amama’s
    – Why can Eldar drink so much gin? Because they know how to handle their spirits.
    – Whats a is Asdrubael Vect’s favourite type of music? Soul Music
    – How does a Necron trim the lawn? With a Gauss-strimmer
    – Which singer do all psykers hate to list to? Pariah Carey
    – Which Officio Assassinorum Temple is the most grumpy? The Eversor(e) Temple.

  • CPENinja

    What is the T’au Empire’s favorite cheese?

    The Greater Gouda

  • IronMaster

    Why is Sanguinius bad at chess?

    Because he’s dead.

  • LeroyJenkinss

    Lol thank you!

  • Xodis

    lol love dad jokes.
    But “The Rhino” is Left-Wing fyi.

    • Pimpcron

      Lol. You’re right. I’m dumb. 😀

      • Xodis

        No worries, you’re still batting a .999

    • euansmith

      I’m sure there are good guys on both sides. 😉

  • Luciferiel

    Why did the inquisitor shave his head?
    Too get rid of the Hair-a-ticks!

  • IronMaster

    What’s Zoolander’s favorite Imperial Guard Regiment?

    Blue Steel Legion.

  • ReveredChaplainDrake

    When an Eldar Avatar makes a charge by walking through a solid wall:

    Avatar: “I AM… THE AVATAR! …YOU GOTTA’ DEAL WITH IT!”