You’re finally at a major tournament. But what can you do while your opponent slow-plays you into oblivion?
So. You’ve fought hard through a meta (which doesn’t matter), dealt with opponent after opponent bringing smite spam, dark reapers, and whatever the latest problematic unit is (let’s say it’s grots). You’ve clawed your way to the top of the heap and earned a spot in a major tournament. Soon you’ll be competing for less money than you’ve sink into the hobby over the years, glory, and the ability to finally wipe that smirk off of Henry’s face.
Only now you’re in your first game, and it’s been an hour and forty-five minutes and your opponent has yet to finish their move phase. You heard that most tournament games don’t make it past turn two, and now you see why, with your opponent seemingly frozen amber-like in time as the epochs craw by. This is a crucial phase in any gamer’s career–and I’ve got your back friend. Here are some handy things that you can do while your opponent slow-plays you into the next decade.
Make a Sandwich
Nutrition is important. You’ve gotta keep your energy up for that clutch moment when your opponent finally finishes their turn with two minutes left on the clock. Besides, when you eat a sandwich you’re stepping into gaming history. After all, John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich invented the sandwich so that he could continue playing cribbage without getting his cards greasy or having to use a fork. And now, here you are, at the pinnacle of gaming–why not rely upon one of its most important tools?
We recommend a hearty blend of smoked black pepper gouda, honey-mesquite turkey, avocado, arugula (you’re in the big leagues now, time to leave iceberg in the dust), thinly sliced red onion, tomato, and a fine some ground mustard. For extra style points, bring none of these with you, and just nip out to the store to buy all the necessary components and assemble them on site before your opponent decides whether or not that tank/transport/grotherd/Mortarion needs to be deployed one inch to the left of where it is now or not.
Play another game of 40K
Look, you came to play 40K, so you may as well do the thing you came to do. Now you definitely won’t be able to get a game in against your opponent. But you came prepared. Just have a friend set up a table behind you and start throwing down. Custodes vs. Knights isn’t a bad way to go, you’ll get at least one full five turn game in if there are less than 24 models between the two of you.
But even this has its dangers. Eventually your other opponent might get wise and start slow playing you. And there’s only so many simultaneous games you can run before you forgery which army you’re actually playing in the primary game and run out of table space in the convention hall. That’s why we also recommend:
Get in a game of Necromunda or Shadespire
Both are smaller scale games designed for fast and furious play. And both games take up less space than a full game of 40K. Besides you’ve been meaning to get into them for a while now that they’ve come out with those Fyreslayers and Bounty Hunters everyone’s been talking about.
Plus, those games offer a tactical challenge, so you can keep your wits sharp and ready to capitalize on the state of the board the moment your opponent finishes deciding whether or not they want to charge some or all of your crucial units on turn one.
Magnetize your weapons loadout
That’s just one less headache you’ll have later. It’s been on your to-do list for a while. You’ve always dreamed about being able to hot-swap a multi-melta for a autocannon without needing to worry about how everything is going to fit together. Your dreadnought looks so sad in disassembled pieces, you just haven’t been able to carve out enough time to do it. After all, this quarter’s been pretty hectic, what with that major deal in Monaco falling through. And lord knows you’ve barely had time enough for the kids once work at the factory started picking up–they’ve been growing so fast, so you’ve been making an effort to be there.
And sure, it’s been fulfilling to be there for their games, and not spending all your time at the office means you haven’t had to fight with a postal worker for the new hot toy of the season in a desperate bid to use financial success to buy your child’s love in some twisted capitalistic wet dream.
Get caught up on Horus Heresy Novels
They’re ending that storylune, right? At last all the books will be out. And sure, this series is daunting. Intimidating to wade into, even. But now, it seems, as your opponent reaches for yet another deep striking unit, there’s finally time. There’s finally time!
What do you do when you find yourself staring down an opponent who seems frozen in time. When you’ve stepped in for a game, but find yourself taking a little detour to a convention hall that’s located in… the Twilight Zone?