Pimpcron is here to help new players.
Well if it isn’t my favorite internet strangers! Glad to see you back here, reading with your eyes what I type with my fingers. Today I am bringing you some great advice for new players, stuff the establishment doesn’t want you to know!
Using the Force Org Chart To Buy Models-
When looking for models to buy for your new army, a simple way to find out what units are good is to look at the Force Org. You will want to buy indiscriminately from the HQ slot and Elites slot, because they are all good choices no matter the codex. You really can’t go wrong with any of them. Obviously the HQ’s will be good because they are the leaders, and the Elites are elite! Steer clear of Troops choices, as they have no real usefulness on the battlefield. They are just kind of left over from older editions and GW has the models to sell, so why get rid of them in the books? They get suckers every day to buy these outdated and useless models. Don’t fall for their trap. Heavy and Fast Attack options will be your 2nd choice after HQ and Elite. They aren’t quite as good, but you don’t want to be a Power Gamer so you need some less-effective units too. But don’t waste money on Troops.
Priming is a complete waste of time. You really shouldn’t waste time and money on primer because the paint you’re using will stick either way. But if you insist on priming, spray primers work very well; but you have to worry about your weather conditions. You will want a hot, humid environment to make your priming come out really smooth. Preferably humidity above 85% and the air temperature at 95 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. You see, science has taught us that as the primer droplets fly through the air, they become watered down by the humidity in the air, causing your primer to cover more area and smooth out. Most painters water down their paint when they paint, why wouldn’t you want to water down your primer? Cut corners and let Mother Nature do it for you. Just be sure to do it in direct, hot sunlight because we all know hot water (humidity) dilutes things better.
Be sure to spray lots of clear coat on at a time, so that it drips, if possible. This will provide a very nice layer of protection for your paint. You wouldn’t want to all of your hard work painting to be chipped away would you? Make sure you protect it well.
While there are many different missions in this game, they are really only a formality. Fluff players like to use them for whatever it is that they do. Nerd stuff. You’re too cool for that. Just completely ignore any mission goals that you are playing, because no matter the mission, you will win if you wipe the enemy off of the table! Veteran players don’t want new players to know this, but I’m letting the cat out of the bag. Just sit still the entire game and shoot, ignoring any objectives or any of that other stupid crap.
Which Paints to Use-
You may hear people brag about their “high quality” paints that have excellent “pigment saturation” and other made up words to show how much money they can spend on paints. Don’t fall for this like many n00bs do. Just go to the local Dollar Store and grab any craft paints that they sell. You can use water colors, but it will take many, many coats. Kind of counter-intuitive. Don’t waste your money on the Citadel paints, or Army Painter, or Vallejo paints. These are just over-priced money traps for bragging rights. Pigment Density isn’t even really a word. That’s how full of crap these guys are. Pigment is something that is in your skin, not in your paint. Plus who wants to use dense paints anyway? You’d have to water them down a lot to use them.
Supporting Your Local Store-
I’ll give you the answer in seven words: Don’t do it. These stores make literally mounds of cash from Magic: The Gathering and are generally irritated when you walk up to the cash register with a box of 40k. The reason for this is that the employee running the till knows what ridiculous profits the store is making from 40k merchandise, and it sickens them. Most of their Warhammer merchandise has an 80-90% mark up from what they pay. Games Workshop gets a bad rap for their frequent price hikes, but it’s actually the stores that have come together to do this; not poor, sweet GW. You can play as much as you like at your local store for free, why would you give them money? It costs them nothing for you to be there, and they would be open and anyway, so why not get better prices online? Also, a little known fact about comic and gaming store owners is that almost all of them don’t have families or many bills. They are content on just barely getting by financially and are irritated if they make enough money to pay taxes. So do them and yourself a favor and just buy online, the store will always be there with or without you.
Transporting Your Army-
Don’t let the braggers get to you, army transports are just an expensive accessory that is a waste. When a veteran player has purchased everything he can for his army, and still wants to spend money because he has so much extra apparently, he buys a transport. If you are smart and take my advice about applying thick matte varnish to your models, you’ll never need a transport. Just find a cardboard box or Tupperware container and literally toss your models in after the game. Time and money saved! Keep them in a bag to save space, or just keep them in a coat pocket or in the floor of your car if you really want to be efficient.
Levis made the only army transport you’ll ever need. One on each side and two in the back.
Taking Pimpcron’s Advice-
Another good tip for new players is that I can’t be trusted and enjoy the suffering of others. My last bit of advice about my advice is that I’d advise you not to take any of it. Except this piece. Take this piece of advice, but the rest of it is just silliness. But it’s kind of like that old riddle : Can you trust a liar when he says he’s a lair? Because if he says he’s a liar, he’s probably lying, but if he’s lying then that means he’s not a liar, right?
So I guess I’ve muddied the waters a bit, do what you want. But be aware that I will drink your tears and laugh at your sorrow if you take my advice and it doesn’t come out well. In fact, I would suggest you do roughly the opposite of all of these things I just a mentioned in the paragraphs above.
Any other great advice for new players?
Hey, I’m a guest on Episode #114 of Preferred Enemies! We discuss creating your own narrative missions and I explain my 4 rules for making them, and my 3 point template I use when designing my own! Please check it out HERE!
Want to witness my slow descent into madness, first-hand? Check out my blog at diceforthedicegod.com