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D&D: What Summer Vacation Is Your Character?

4 Minute Read
Jul 5 2021
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What would your D&D character would do for summer vacation? We matched each of the character classes to an iconic summer vacation.

The world might be in lockdown right now, but your characters can go out adventuring, and if your characters can go on an adventure, they can go on a vaction. So buckle in, stop fighting with your siblings, and see who can spot license plates from all fifty states, because summer is here (even if time is meaningless).

Artificer

Artificers love to tinker with things, and in another day and age they might have gone to computer camp and gotten shoved in the locker every day after school, but in today’s wet hot American summers, Artificers get to go to robot camp, build drones out of legos, and make the rest of us jealous.

Barbarian

Barbarians are that amazing Waterpark that closed down about five years ago. A lot of fun, a little bit unsafe, and nobody around is wearing a lot of clothes. Nothing like waiting in line for four hours to build up about 60 seconds worth of rage.

Bard

Bards are that one time your aunt took you to a Summer Stock Theatre production. An outdoor stage, children running around unsupervised, adults having a “wine picnic” while a bunch of overworked, underpaid actors sweat through their lines? Sounds like a bard to me.

Cleric

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This one’s easy. Clerics are Vacation Bible School. There’s a fun new theme every time you seem to revisit them, and try as you might, they all want to sit backwards on a chair and “rap” with you.

Druid

Druids are the trip to the beach with your grandparents, where you drive out past where the hotels are, to the empty stretches of beach where there’s a bunch of seaweed coming up through the sand, and a seagull takes your sandwich.

Fighter

Fighters are every single summer camp from the 80’s and 90’s, whether run by children, escaped con artists, or Ernest.

Monk

Monks spend their whole lives honing their skills, so naturally, they’re sitting alone in the basement playing fighting games until someone comes to make you go outside.

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Paladin

Paladins are the trip your parents took you on where you thought you were going to Disneyland but instead you ended up going somewhere Educational.

Ranger

Rangers are a Scouting Jamboree where nobody managed to get any badges, but neither did they have to call the paramedics, so it was a pretty good year, all things considered.

Rogue

Rogues are that one time you and your friends went to Vegas and agreed never to speak of it again.

Sorcerer

Sorcerers are a a music festival–sound and fury and spectacle that lasts for days, and if you do it right, you probably saw a legendary creature from whence your magic descends.

Warlock

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Warlocks are absolutely those weird Roadside attractions that start off as nothing more than a sign looming ominously out of the middle of nowhere promising to sate your curiosity. What do you find at the end of the road? Will it be a blessing? Will it be a curse? If there’s a better equivalent of an eldritch pact than $5 and driving 200 miles out of your way, we don’t know it.

Wizard

Wizards are that time you spent the Summer at the planetarium and got to run the projector during the “From the Earth to the Universe Show” because you kept insisting their data was inaccurate.

How does your character stack up? What vacation would they be?

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