Goatboy – ARD BOYZ IN YO FACE!


Each year Games Workshop serves up the nastiest missions they can cook up.  Read on if you can handle the heat!!!

Goatboy here again chatting about Ard Boyz. Yeah I know that 75% of you can give a rat’s patoot about the so called “SUPER COMPETITIVE” 40k event of North America. So for those other 15% (10% wonder why we would want to go to a dance club called Ard Boyz anyway?) here is my breakdown of the missions.

Lucky for me this year I get to play in the event. The past few years I have lost the chance to play due to relationship commitments and other fun real life things. Don’t people know I play Futuristic War Hams damnit! But this year I should get a chance to throw down with whatever 2500 points of nonsense I decide to bring the day before. Most likely I will be bringing Grey Knights but will see what I think up (got a fun Thunder Wolf Nonsense list too).

So for those who have no idea Ard Boyz is 3 – 3 round tournaments that you have to be in the top 3 from the one before to go to the next one. The middle one is the most important as you win a 2500 point army for crushing all your foes (Necrons???). There is no paint score, no sportsmanship, or any other type of score involved. It is just a battle point crush-fest that is designed for the meanest SOB to win. Oh yeah it is 2500 points so look for nonsense armies.

So without further ado lets dive into this kiddy pool of 40k missions.

Mission 1 – Git Dat Dirty Git! – or what I prefer – TABLE YOUR OPPONENT BECAUSE HE CALLED YOU FAT!

Objective – This mission uses Annihilation with one modification. Each player will give his opponent 1 troop model to represent the traitor. The traitor is worth 5 kill points. The traitor can join any troop unit in your army. He can ride in a transport as long as his squad meets the unit size for the vehicles capacity. He gains the independent special rule with the following profile: WS 4 BS 4 S 4 T 4 I 5 W 2 A 2 LD 10 S 4+/5+

Deployment – Pitched Battle / Special rules – Infiltrate, Deep Strike, Outflank, Reserves, Seize Initiative, Night Fight (Turn 1 only), Random Game Length

Bonus Points – +1 Kill the Traitor / +1 Kill an Enemy HQ / +1 If you control more pieces of terrain / +3 Your controlled traitor gets to your opponents deployment zone

So basically this mission is a kill points mission designed to make you kill your opponent completely. You get some bonus points for doing some stuff but really this mission is just about killing your opponent. Be smart and hide your “Traitor” in a vehicle. You have to waste a troop giving them a traitor model so that is a big FU to Deathwing. Either way there isn’t much going for this one other then a normal kill you game of 40k. Hell even the set up is good ole Pitch Battle making this a very old school game of 40k.

So really the only thing you are going to be doing is making sure you kill as much as you can. It isn’t hard and I know I am giving the most obvious advice. So hide your new girlfriend in a vehicle behind some buildings and kill everything else. Also don’t forget the game can end of Turn 5 but as this is a kill fest I don’t think there will be the rush to get on an objective. Remember the Traitor is worth 5 Kill Points and if you kill the squad and most likely vehicle they are in that is a total of 7 that can swing your way pretty quickly.

Mission 2 – Whoz got da Motz! – Or Yay we got Objectives!

Objective – Sieze ground with 5 objectives. Set up is Spearhead and there is an objective in the center of each section and the middle of the board. Funny thing is that if you place an objective in the center you can put the ones in the spearhead deployment zones exactly in the center being that they will be less than 12 inches apart. I think we won’t notice that but it is funny to think of anyway.

Setup – Spearhead / Special Rules – Reserves, Deep Strike, Seize Initiative, Night Fight (Turn 6)

Bonus Points – +1 I own all objectives / +1 Opponent has no units in your deployment zone / +1 All your Bossmen alive at the end of the game / + 1 Kill all your enemies heavy

So another basic mission that is about trying to punch your opponent a lot and still hold all the gold at the end of the game. Look if you are coming to Ard Boyz with 2 troop choices then you are doing something wrong. I look at having a minimum of 5 choices with the ability to either stretch very far or split up into smaller gold holders. So again play this just like you would play the book mission. The Night Fight on Turn 6 is annoying but hey I am sure it will do me good when I try to lay on an objective and not get shot off. Also this isn’t a random game length so be prepared to get your business done on Turn 6 or at least moving towards it on Turn 5. Also the objectives are worth different points so don’t get stuck hold one and only getting 1 point when your opponent grabs another for 2.

Mission 3 – Head of Da Snake! – Or Lord can we not do Victory Points! Or at least make the points for units very easy to figure out.

Objective – Victory points – Lord why do we still have this? I mean seriously how many times have you had people mess up Victory points? Really. Lord this could be a mess too and something I think should just go away. Hooray for calculators on my phone. Oh yeah nominate a leader for your army – they are worth double victory points – making the calculation even trickier!

Set up – Dawn of War / Special Rules – Deep Strike, Outflank, Reserves, Seize Initiative

Bonus Points – +1 Kill all the troops / +1 Your HQ is alive at the end of game / +1 Kill all the Fast ones

So yeah this is basically a repeat of the above one where you are all about killing everything your opponent has. Really that is about it. It’s also Dawn of War and you have that whole nonsense to deal with, too. Really the plan is to punch you as hard as you can and hope the punch back isn’t nearly as teeth damaging.


So really Ard Boyz round 1 is all about simple missions and the basic premise of being the toughest SOB out there ready to Angry Dance Punch his way to the winners circle. Look for Round 2 to be the hardest as most of the people want to win the plastic crack and Round 3 is just for those that want to fly out to meet friends. Maybe we will be lucky and Round 3 might have something new and interesting to win besides vouchers and something you have to ship back. Maybe we will all be lucky enough to be the newest DBag on the internet scene and replace Darkwynn as the jerk to beat (like that is even possible).
So who’s playing and what’s your tricksy plan for round one victory?

-Goatboy out

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