What Grinds My Gears: 40K Players on the Net

Pimpcron fires a shot over your bow.

Hello readers. The People’s Pimpcron has a public service announcement to make. Some of the internet shenanigans of you guys are causing me heartburn. It’s gotta stop. Obviously these people are in the minority of us 40k players, but this week we put those people “on blast” as you young folks say.

“Well, This Happened” Posts

Believe it or not, even a dynamically daring, dangerously distinct, and deliberately delicious wargaming blogger such as myself goes on Facebook. And I’m part of a bunch of FB groups that are all 40k related. And an irritating trend has sprung up over the last few months. People will post pictures of a bunch of brand new boxes of GW loot they just bought and post “Well, this happened”.

“Went out for a pot of Agrax Earthshade and, well this happened.”

The first time I saw it: kinda funny. We are long past this point. These pictures often accompany captions explaining that you went out to a GW store on your lunch break for a paint pot and ended up buying $450 worth of product. Another picture I saw recently was a literal dining room table covered in boxes (at least $1,000 worth) because someone got their tax return. Who the hell does that?! While I’m sure you’re excited about your purchases, it makes you look like you make poor life choices. You look like a person who makes huge impulse purchases and just can’t see far enough into the future to save a dollar for when you might need it. Obviously saving money and making a big purchase is a different story. But so, so many of these captions explain a spur of the moment $600 purchase.

While I don’t truly care what you do with your money or your life, I figure that if you’re this type of person, you might not be aware of the light it paints you in to others. I also know many a person who can’t control their personal spending, never saves a dime, and then complains how their life is hard and they got the short end of the stick, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile they sit on a stack of thousands of dollars of GW product and beg for money from others.

Heresy Memes

If you are on FB or forums, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Nobody can post anything without a string of dozens of Heresy memes. Ya know, 40k has been around for around 30 years, and that meme was funny about 28 years ago. Cut that crap out man. Not really funny anymore. And now, for your viewing pleasure, a string of heresy memes so you know what I mean:

              Post:Hey guys, what paint colors do I use for Night Lords? Any help would be appreciated.”

                Replies:



Stop it; please think of the children.

Humble Bragging About Your Paint Job

Every day I see wonderfully painted miniatures posted online, and while most of them are honest, a select demographic irritates me. It will be a picture of a model, with seventeen shades of color on it, pupils painted, every pore on their skin is painted with a microfilament brush using an electron-microscope. The painter made a special trip to Jerusalem just to get some holy sand for the base, and for the blood effects he used his own blood. This model is a true testament to what a human can do with dedication, determination, and maybe a little nudge from a higher power. Then I read the caption, “Here’s my model, I’m mostly happy with it, for a quick and dirty tabletop-standard paint job.”

If you look closely, the nose hairs I put in his nose were just a quick dry brush.

First off, listen up. We know you’ve had to take weeks off from your job to paint this. Re-mortgage your house for the Jerusalem trip, and break every human relationship you had to lock yourself away in a tower of painting just to finish this model. Don’t, for a second, think that we are all looking at your paint job and reading your caption while thinking, “Wow! This is just a rough and dirty tabletop-standard paint job for this guy? I can’t imagine what his models look like if he really tried!”

If your model was any more realistic, you’d have to literally breathe the spark of life in it. Stop the humble bragging, and down play all of the hard work you obviously put into this model.

Pro-Painted ebay Auctions

We all know what I’m talking about. I have just one question: has there ever been a model for sale on ebay that wasn’t “pro-painted”?

One time I saw a “pro-painted” model that appeared to just be dipped in melted crayons.

I saw a “pro-painted” Land Raider that was painted with an 8” roller.

There was a “pro-painted” Ork Flyer that appeared to be painted with a road striper.

I can only assume this other “pro-painted” model I saw was painted with that make-up shotgun Homer invented.

I know you’re trying to sell your stuff, but honesty is the best policy. We’re all wise to your angle now.

Oh No! I Spilled a Pot of Wash!

This is another post that drives me nuts of the Face Books: people accidentally spill a pot of wash and instead of cleaning it up, take a picture of it spilled and post it to social media. They receive sad faces and condolences. Dammit, you’re a grown-ass man. It’s a $6 pot of wash. Go to the store like everyone else for another pot of wash and … probably walk out with a thousand dollars worth of merch.

Hey, it happens.

Apparently.

Well I hope I cleared that up for a couple of you. You’re on notice.

On another note, take a look at this sketch I just threw together real quick with just a #2 pencil:

~I know it’s not great, but what do ya think?

Pimpcron signature 3

2017 Shorehammer Button for BoLS
  • spla5hmummy

    So tempting to post that this blog is heresy…but I won’t. Or have I just done? Anyway, you’re not wrong about these things Pimpcron!

  • David Leimbach

    By the way, I just saved all your heresy memes so I can post them on facebook…everyday…constantly. Muahahahah!

  • ThorOdinson

    What I learned from this: Pimpcron is ridiculously thin skinned.

    • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

      Well, it is a self-regulating nano-mechanical reactive armour carapace, so you’re not wrong.

      • THANK YOU! Finally, someone gets me.

        • Oh, there’s LOTS of people out to get you.

          😉

          • amaximus167

            GET HIM!

    • [sobs] No I’m not! [more sobs] Thanks to your little comment here, I won’t get any sleep for a week! [rocks back and forth]

      • Karru

        Don’t worry, I have this collection of over 100+ heresy memes for you to browse to help you sleep!

  • Rainthezangoose

    The people spending loads of money thing pisses me off as a poor student with a plastic crack addiction. Seriously I spent £200 buying both warhammer quests and that was my yearly wargaming budget. And the painting thing… Is a pain in my side. Like wtf.

    On an unrelated note I post large amounts of but heresy memes. BUT in a private chat. Which is my dark heresy group. So at least it makes sense there.

  • Karru

    So from what I just read, Pimpcron wants something like this:

    http://i.imgur.com/GJawvzm.jpg

  • Crevab

    Thanks for the collection of Heresy pics

  • Randy Randalman

    One of my personal favorites are the people who swear they’d suddenly be able to save up for a new army if GW would just give them the exact release order for the next seven years. They never save money, ever, but if GW would have told them months in advance, their impulsive spending habits would suddenly quit and money would appear out of nowhere.

    Ironically, those same people talk about how they’ll spend their money on other things while waiting for GW to release product, because it’s a “missed opportunity” that it isn’t coming out now.

    • Crevab
      • ZeeLobby

        Eh. It’s Randy. He just assumed everyone buys GW all the time because that’s all he does.

        • amaximus167

          I don’t know, I am sure he has an Excel spread-sheet linking all the people over the years that said ‘GWs should tell us in advance,’ and ‘missed opportunity.’ He probably checks that sheet more than Santa checks his list of naughty/nice kids. Therefore he has empirical proof that his information isn’t anecdotal and full of confirmation bias…

  • Beefcake the mighty

    Someone bought 1000$ of GW products? So a codex and a box of space marines?

  • Kevin Zimmer

    glue a piece of cardboard to the bottom

  • Iconoc1ast
  • Hendrik Booraem VI

    I still find heresy memes hilarious even after 25 years playing WH40K. But I agree on the other stuff.

  • Amaya89

    You forgot the people who go out of there way to give people bad advice. E.g those who go on Facebook and tell everyone to wash their models, even if they have no mould release on them.

    Knowing gallery level oil painting artists, I also find it annoying when people insist on telling people to use oil paints to paint models… despite their paint jobs looking just ‘okay’. Its okay having your own method, but seriously, oils are so bad for painting minis and these people are paintimg oils like its acrylic.

  • Matt Craufurd

    No mention of annoying references to everyone being Alpharius?

  • Mr.Fister

    You know what g http://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ca429a70da003e4914bcb20a1aae4fd6f2b317be0d6886f999a303b6d93b13e.png

    You know what grinds my gears?! Internet exlusive columnists that tell me what to do and what annoys people.
    And the the bigotery around here: “God forbid you criticise the new Eldar figures I like! You are toxic and you aways hate things. Be greatful when GW makes new models!” and 5 min later the same people: “Whaaat Roboute Guilliman is the ressurected primarsch! Why wasn’t it the primarch I liked! What an ugly model!” And when s.b. says that GW products are too expensive there are always those “it is a free economy the company and the market decide what the price ist” people. And later you read an article about how cheaper retailers on the internet destroy the community. So if s.b. finds a legal way to sell a GW product cheaper compared to a GW store the rules of the free market do not matter any more…and if you do not like what I post here at least be once a man about it and answer with a “this post gave me heresy” meme! (but I guess you do not have the guts!)

    • amaximus167

      “You know what grinds my gears?! Internet exlusive columnists that tell me what to do and what annoys people.”

      Yep. Also, internet columnists that think they are funny trying really hard to prove it by riddling a pointless article with bad gradeschool humor.

      • Well I obviously struck a nerve. haha. Which one of the things listed are you guilty of doing? 😀

        • amaximus167

          Hahaha, none of them. But damn I do hate the Pro-painted eBay auctions.

        • Mr.Fister

          Heresy Memes and Humble Bragging About My Paint Job

        • Mr.Fister

          You should have mentioned the Ultramarine Haters…I mean this getting soo old…they exist get over it

          • Yeah. That does get old. And the “Rowboat Girlyman” jokes.

          • Leif Leegard

            That’s why you sub Papa Smurf in for Rowboat Girlyman every now and then. Got to keep it fresh.

          • Mr.Fister
          • amaximus167

            Closely seconded by Failbaddon…

          • Lewismauler

            I have a theory that all the ultramarine haters are actually closeted ultramarine players. It’s those of us who don’t care and never bash them that are the try not non ultramarinists

    • Oh, posting that meme hurt. More than I thought it would.

      • Mr.Fister

        nobody said it is going to be easy to be a man about it….the right way is always the difficult way

        • [softly crying]

        • “the right way is always the difficult way”

          Someone called “Mr. Fister” said this?!?!?!

          • Mr.Fister

            Well people are more than a name…complex creatures not only black and white…

          • Mr.Fister

            Mr.Fister is my old Star Craft name…I fisted a lot of people back then…not literally

  • 301stFeinminsterArmoured
  • thereturnofsuppuppers

    40k players do seem to have a horribly embarrassing way of using memes.

  • sonny2dap .
  • euansmith

    I think that there is a certain “outsider art” fascination to “pro-painted” models like that. Of course, a quick dip in some wash and it would probably pass the 3′ rule. http://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8dc696036eb402210f3b9bbacd87e003c175d4a43d31fbcda3b3386d3a8a829b.jpg

    • life of adept brian

      The beauty is in the sheer audacity. It takes a certain “je n’sai… WTF!?” to put forward that kind of masterpiece

      • Drew

        Maybe it’s the analytic cubist version of a space marine? =)

    • No amount of wash is saving that! 😀

      • Leif Leegard

        I don’t know, a four day dip in a Simple Green wash might help…

    • Kritarion
  • Majere613

    I’ll have to partially confess to the ‘something I did quickly’ thing with painting. The thing is, I’ve been doing this a long time and I just can’t not paint fast, whatever the project- it’s not that the thing would look better if I took more time, it’s that I don’t know how to.

    I do envy those people with the patience to paint things over the course of a month, but I’ll never be one of them.

    • Ah, well I believe you. But most people aren’t like that.

  • Dan

    With regards to the tax return guy,I know exactly the post you’re talking about.. If i could add one to this list, people posting pictures of minis by linking to their own “mr paint painting studios” page, that nobody follows….

  • Chaosrex
  • gordonshumway

    I’m kind of tired of sophomoric columnists who think they are a lot funnier than they are.

    • Go to bed early?

    • Me too! If you’ll sign my petition we’ll get rid of that old Rob Baer guy.

      • amaximus167

        I can agree with you just once and get behind this one! Now, hopefully I don’t have to agree with Randy Randalman on this same post, that would ruin my worldview.

        • Cats and dogs living together. Mass chaos.

          • amaximus167

            I can get behind mass chaos as well. Darn you!

          • Winning hearts and minds, every week. 😀

          • amaximus167

            Breaking them is not winning them. 😛

          • It isn’t?

          • amaximus167

            You may win something from breaking them, but you don’t usually win them.

          • amaximus167

            Hopefully Wibbling shows up soon and makes a comment that totally misses the point, so I can yell at him. That always makes me feel better.

          • bobrunnicles

            If I’m wrong, then nothing happens! We go to jail; peacefully, quietly. We’ll enjoy it! But if I’m right, and we can stop this thing…Pimpcron, *you* will have saved the Facebook feeds of hundreds of registered posters.

          • Classic.

  • Charon

    THANK YOU!

  • Pete Croucher

    You know… I kinda agree.

    The Heresy thing was funny the first time, is it REALLY worth your time being the tenth? Same with linking everything back to an Alpha Legion plot/I am Alpharius. Yeah, we get it, you can copy and paste a joke. Well done you.

  • NNextremNN

    I usually like your post but in this one you read like this:
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nRib8DE6tT0/UAhQ0vv9ZTI/AAAAAAAAACE/fVppx4ZS83A/s1600/Old_Necron_by_Waileem.jpg

    And you forgot the “first miniature ever painted” models that look like they could win a golden daemon.

    • Ah well. This is all true, but I was aware that it was coming off a bit angry. lol.

  • Orblivion

    “Everyone is Alpharius” jokes. It was barely worth a chuckle the first time I saw it and somehow the more played out it gets, the more prevalent it gets as well.

    • Why did I forget this one?! I whole-heartedly agree.

      • euansmith

        But, I like that one… Just as planned.

    • lol. Just whipped em up real quick did ya? Like in an afternoon or something? 😀

      • Doesn’t everyone? lol.

        No, It was a commission a few years ago, the bestist most funist and coolist thing I’ve painted. After doing that project I wish it had been mine!

        • I bet that’s the problem with commissions. It’s like raising puppies, when it’s over you don’t want to let them leave. 😉

          • Some times. I’ve painted just a few really really good ones I was sad to see go.
            It took a few Emails and phone calls with this guy, the Necrons were for, before we decided to do the project. I know they went to a really good home. The second project I did for him was to finish his Orks. I was trying to paint them to look like the ones he’d already painted. ( Some of the best 6 point models ever… ) But it gets super tedious so no more of that for a few years. I kinda feel like his armies godfather.

          • Those necrons are quite pretty.

          • Thank you.

          • bobrunnicles

            Oh it’s definitely the problem with commissions. You spend hours of your life working on these minis, then you have to wave them out the door where you will probably never see them again. It’s soul destroying, it really is.

          • Severius_Tolluck

            What’s worse, is in a year, said person gets bored or can’t afford to do something and sells them for dirt cheap, cheaper then my commission price alone. Worse yet is when they go in the hands of someone who just treats them poorly and breaks them, my heart breaks with it!

          • Severius_Tolluck

            Oh yeah, had that joy doing commissions for thunderwolves and I think my fave was the entire range of Shadows of Brimstone!

  • Kreoss4u

    Agreed! The spilled paint pot thing has become such a bore.

  • William Dougherty

    Eldar player. Your heresy is dumb and rowboat girlyman agrees.

  • Pro-painted on Ebay means “painted by a prostitute, during the act”. It’s the only explanation.

    • Leif Leegard

      Or by my 5 year old with Ray Charles Sunglasses.

  • Tj van der Mescht

    wow … you must be the fun guy at parties

    • Yup. I sit in the corner and write down things that irritate me about the other party goers. It’s quite fun.

      • It’s more intense to carve it into your flesh with a bowie knife.

  • Leif Leegard

    If you can’t paint it right the first dozen times, please paint it black. I’ll except that as a Pro-painted color on Ebay…. Saves me time stripping. 😛

    http://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b55a1321bb07d6c9d97f1f1bc5740698e7424a8aa2c9d8d7d48ceff5ca4b02ac.jpg

  • SilentPony

    I would trade all of these into the Good Pile just to have one less person who talks about tournaments and discusses mathhammer as if its important.

  • I recently posted a picture of my new GW loot on Twitter – Silver Tower and 2 boxes of Shattered Dominion bases. This was a long-anticipated purchase for me, I was very excited, and I think it’s human nature to want to share these moments.

    I agree that it can be a little jarring when someone posts a picture of £1,000 of models that most of us could never hope to afford, but I don’t think people post these things with any sense of malice or smugness. Again, I think they’re just excited and want to share, and if the rest of us had that kind of purchasing power we’d want to do the same. If some people feel jealous or inadequate as a result that’s kind of on them.

    Live and let live, and let’s celebrate each others’ enthusiasm for the hobby I say.

    • amaximus167

      Clearly, he hates other people’s happiness. He is a Necron after all.

      • Haha! Well he’s got a forum through which to vent his frustrations, and I am an arch-ranter myself so I can totally empathise! I just happen to disagree with this particular rant, but I am totally in favour of ranting in general.

        • amaximus167

          Agreed on all points.

    • I don’t know if you missed that part of my article or not, but I said people who make impulse purchases of hundreds of dollars irritate me. It’s irresponsible. I also hate happiness. But that has nothing to do with it. 😀

      • No, no, no. You said you hate people who make $1000 impulse purchases and then post about it. So I have to infer that it’s the public flaunting of their purchasing power you object to. ‘So this happened’ doesn’t tell you anything about whether it was an irresponsible purchase, just that they have wealth beyond the dreams of avarice (not that the irresponsibility of complete strangers should be bothering you in any case). And I get it, it doesn’t make the rest of us feel particularly good. But it’s not too hard to recalibrate your thinking and see it as a positive. Try to enjoy the hobby explosion vicariously and all will be well.

        Also, ‘pro-painted’ ebay models are hilarious and I never want them to go away. Heresy memes are funny. And spilled wash is one of those relatable things that brings us all together.

        Humble bragging about painting skills can, however, go F itself.

        • IMPULSE purchases. If it’s an impulse, then it’s not planned or saved for. And not responsible.

          • Leif Leegard

            I keep my impulse buys for my army to $30 a paycheck on Ebay. It’s still out of hand though. I now have 4k pts of Chaos because of such buying practices after deciding to get the dragon a few years ago when it came out to help out a friend when we face off on the weekends.

          • That’s a great idea and it’s responsible.

  • MechBattler

    Folks posting useless things they think are funny but really aren’t- YOU’RE ON NOTICE.
    http://www.shipbrook.net/onnotice/OnNotice-original.jpg
    (That includes me.)

  • Dennis J. Pechavar

    Pro painted is a annoying thing I agree. Good thing there is a lot of paint stripping techniques. Too bad they want top dollar for those abominations.

  • Derptau

    While most of these do get to me I do have to say that the Facebook group one hour a night is a great way to keep up motivation for the painting slumps I suffer. The great thing about that one is there is really no boasting.

  • Sorien

    I LOVE THIS ARTICLE

  • mgdavey
  • Kritarion
  • Lewismauler

    BAhahaha another home run for pimpcron!

    • A cheerleader to egg on my narcissism?? I could get used to this! Thanks Lewis.

  • Joka

    Well when I spill my pots I don’t feel the urge to post a picture. I just go 100% honest heretic. As in christian related heretic, cursing God for making me cleanup stuff and outside buy mkre, wich I don’t want to do nor I should If god made just a better job at creting this universe.

  • euansmith
    • Matthew Pomeroy

      that is awesome!!

    • What on earth is that a reference to?

      • euansmith

        Its one of those Hairy Tick Memes you where talking about.

        • I was not aware of hairy tick memes. This is a new one for me.

        • AH! I got it. lol. Took a while, but I finally got the play on words.

  • sonny2dap .

    You’re welcome.

  • Steven Walter

    Man, I love showing off my loot. Its a great feeling sharing with your community the new projects you are working towards. Ive never been the guy you speak of “went for a bottle of paint and came out without my paycheck” but every model, every squad and every Forgeworld order I do I will show to my friend. It stimulates the hobby to express your infatuation with this game.

    I own my house, four vehicles, have many pets, wife and son and yeah, Ill drop a few hundred Dollars on Warhammer each month because I love this hobby and it brings me personal satisfaction to assemble and paint. When I get to play once in a while, as I collect more than I play, my opponents get to enjoy facing a Kraken tide of Tyranids under their terms. Pic here from my last match vs Dark angels. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1fdd138311e4a1eb774d55e3220da88da20cafe64df1854216555c62aaf746e9.

    • It sounds like you are a responsible adult. I have no problem with people like you spending whatever you want. Obviously if you were having a hard time paying your bills, you would hold off on the purchases. But these impulse buyers drive me nuts. And maybe they are just joking with the “oops” posts, maybe they did actually save and are trying to be funny, but it doesn’t come off that way.

  • dreamwarder

    a pot of wash is $6?!?!

    Over here I think it’s £2.75… or have I been away too long?

    • The larger bottles of wash are *roughly* $6 or $7 here. I don’t remember.

  • piglette

    This is spot on. I’ve tried a couple Facebook painting groups, advertised as amateur groups to get tips and show work. Every post is someone’s Golden Demon or near GD level paintjob photographed in some light box with an faux-humble description. I want to see other mooks like me struggling through average paintjobs.

    • I joined a few just to look at other peoples mini’s good , bad or whatever. Beats political stuff.
      I might suggest looking for the WGC group but I’m not sure how active they are anymore.

  • Kayreios
  • Mud_Duck
  • Emperor’s Champion

    the bragging about your paint job thing is actually legit. For someone who prefers the hobby side to gaming, in fact artists in general you’re never fully satisfied because you’ve watched the entire process, every mistake made and fixed up. They are just well hidden that the audience only notice the good parts.
    I’ve learned to appreciate my own work more but I’ve never painted a model without messing up once and this is someone who works in a scale model shop giving painting advice to customers.