Pimpcron: 6 Things That Suck About 40k 8th

Pimpcron has some odd requirements for what makes a good game.

Okay, unlike most of you apparently, I have not been looking over every single rules leak or release from 8th edition. The Pimpcron prefers to just wait until the new books drop so I can read them in my hand. But due to social media, I’ve still been exposed to some of it. And has knowing nothing about a topic ever stopped me from writing about it? Ha! No. I’ve been making up book reports since I was a child.

Pimpcron, To Kill a Mockingbird does not involve a DC superhero.”

“I’ve told you before, Huckleberry Finn was not a mutant shark boy.”

“Do you read any of these? Your report about Lord of the Flies involves Typhus.”

Layout

I just played my first game of 8th edition: did not like the layout of the indexes. Why are the points all the way in the back and not with the datasheets, when the power level is right on the datasheet? Why thumb to the back of the book to find points? Also, why are so many models coming stock with “free” wargear that you have to look up the cost of, just to make sure that you have to pay “0” points for it?

No AoS?

This game doesn’t seem to include any of the AoS armies. I mean, these two games keep flirting for decades, playing footsie with their rules, coming together just to separate again. It’s one of those iconic “Will they, won’t they?” kind of romances that drive me crazy. I mean, Age of Sigmar made fantasy just like 40k, and 40k has now made 40k just like Sigmar. KISS ALREADY! We all know you like each other. We’ve got flyers in AoS, and tanks with wounds in 40k. It’s like watching the television show The Nanny all over again. The suspense is killing me!

Meet The New Dark Eldar: The Drukhari

I am a huge Dark Eldar fan. And I even like the new name. It’s sleek, unique and kind of goes with Eldari. But why did they have to make it Drewcarey? I mean honestly, their Archon looks like Bruce Willis. I’d accept the Brucewillisari as the new name for Dark Eldar. At the very least, he is an action star. But I think that this may be a slight nod to all of you squat fans. It may be a hint that Squats are coming back as an army!

 

I Don’t Like This New GW

With all of this “turning over a new leaf” nonsense, they are really just trying to put complainers like me out of business. No! I don’t want you to be nice to us! I need something to complain about. This has become a really sad hobby when the abusive gaming company stops drinking and starts being a dad. I mean, I like all of this attention from them: dripping new rules out, teasing us with close-up pictures of new stuff, but some of us are trying to complain over here! I don’t need you being nice all of a sudden.

No Free Man Should Have To Go Without The Freeman

This is by far one of the things that have bothered me the most about this whole release. Morgan Freeman hasn’t narrated any of the videos. Now I know some of you will claim that he was busy or that maybe they never reached out to him, but that’s irrelevant. I have been spoiled by his rich narrator’s voice over the years and now find that I just can’t seem to get into something unless he narrates it. Captain America: Civil War? Yawn. March of the Penguins? Now that’s my jam! I just find this to be largely irresponsible on their part. [starts burning his armies]

It Seems Like Everybody Is On Board

Speaking of burning armies, where is all of that? Us gamers have a long and rich history of over-reacting and throwing hissy fits over things that happen to our toys and imaginary universes. I think we can all agree that watching people burn armies when AoS came out was interesting. The whining, the crying, the ruining of friendships as brother fought brother over either playing AoS or 9th Age. I know of two bar fights over Sigmar. So where are you whiney gamers? You’re just gonna sit back and let GW change your rules and super-size your marines?

Wow.

They have damage values now! You’re just fine with this? That wasn’t in last edition. Have you forgotten our collective fear of change? This is depressing. I wanted to watch armies burn, and here you are encouraging them with your money and Facebook likes.

The Honest Truth

Okay, in all honesty, I had a blast with my first game of 8th edition. Orks are NASTY now. Oh, and my opponent matt couldn’t roll higher than a 2 all game. He had six 3+ saves to make, five 1’s and a 2. Also, it was a first for me because my Boyz literally ripped a Dreadnaught apart without a Power Klaw. Lootin’ ya’ll!

This new edition has me quite excited! All of the above are just some of my extremely serious pet peeves about this game.

What is your lamest, first-world-problem complaint about the new edition?

Pimpcron signature 3

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  • Ray Carruth

    That gave me some chuckles. Thanks!

    • Thanks for chiming in Ray. It makes my day when people are nice to me! Although , truth be told, I kind of like rustling jimmies too. So any comment is appreciated!

      • LeroyJenkinss

        It’s all summed up in one word… No sly marbo.

        • They’ll put out rules for him just before 9th hits …

        • euansmith

          Sly Marbo has rules in 8th; they’re behind you.

  • Chris Hilliard

    They acted like the 3rd was going to be the big release, got my hopes up, even had the GW rep acting like we were going to get stuff, but that’s just pre-orders. No I’m spending two weeks twiddling my thumbs!

    • Badruk

      A lot of FLGS got a Dark Imperium box and all 5 indexes 2 weeks ago. Suck that you didnt find a place that had this

      • KingAceNumber1

        Yeah, my FLGS has a full stock of release product they’re sitting on and they can’t sell it for another week, we’re all champing at the bit lol.

        • Pascalnz

          thankyou for saying champing at the bit, so many get it wrong 🙂

      • Chris Hilliard

        The nearest place that had it for me was 300 miles away. US stores seem to get forgotten lately.

  • PrimoFederalist

    I get the article is tongue-in-cheek, but the reason the data sheets don’t have points on them is deliberate so GW can periodically tweak points costs for units/wargear with reprinting a new book.

    • Mr.psyker

      Then why not release points costs for free. What is the point of a power level

      • Raffazza

        Power level is to help with the other ways to play the game

      • PrimoFederalist

        This has been answered for weeks: power level is for more casual gaming (but not “unbound”) to allow for semi-balanced pick-up games and/or new players learning the game.

        • Spacefrisian

          Power lvl aint balanced as weapons arent assigned points, i believe Longwar also talked about this.

          • Xodis

            Power levels are “roughly” balanced towards taking most of the best options available. So they dont expect a squad of Space Marines to NOT have their Special and Heavy weapon as those have been taken into effect. Its not perfect by any means though.

          • happy_inquisitor

            Power level is fine for most games outside of tournaments.

            Is that Lascannon better than a flamer? Depends if I’m bringing 400 Boyz or a Stompa doesn’t it? It costs more points because they reckon Stompas work better in tournaments because 400 Boyz will give you a bad back.

          • charlie

            Power Level is balanced as they assume you take the weapon and wargear options.

            I listened to that Long War podcast live so I know what you’re talking about, but I disagree with them. Juice was complaining that every Tau Battlesuit got a free upgrade, but that has clearly been figured into the Power Levels, and even in the points system they are mostly really cheap (the one he complained about costs 8 points).

            You’re probably not going to believe though, so I suggest you just go try them out and see for yourself. So far I’ve had 2 games at PL 100, and they were both really great, close games.

      • Randy Randalman

        Points costs are going to be free. And the power level is for casual/narrative play.

        • Griffin

          When did GW ever state points would be free?

        • Since when are any army rules free? They’ve said they’ll be affordable not free

    • They’re printed in the book either way, so it’s errata either way, it should be on the unit entry

      • Thank you!

      • Heinz Fiction

        And even if you don’t want it on the datasheet for whatever reasons, you could still do it ten times better than they did.

    • Spacefrisian

      Calling bull on this, they changed points (and statts) Before.

      • PrimoFederalist

        They can now simply release a single points table per army and everything is updated.

  • Mr.psyker

    I believe social media is now completely moderated. That’s why no one complains. They are silenced and all we get is controlled opposition. Its like a presidential debate… Scripted and fake. Marketers are evil bill hicks was right and they all need to do what he says

    • Arufel

      Tin foil hat time…

      • orionburn
      • usGrant7977

        I despise the “tin foil hat” and “black helicopters ” response. The idea that people with influence and something to gain would not exercise that influence is childish. Relegating the reality of those with power will abuse it to some kind of paranoid delusion is…conspiritorial.

        • Mr.psyker

          Right! The campaign to convince that GW is doing this “Interpretive dance” based on the demands of frying pan wielding good idea fairies (the fans) is such a joke and social media has lost all credibility because of moderation in my eyes does not make me tin foil hat guy… The reptialian overlords will never catch me muhahahaha!

        • That does sound like something someone would say before explaining how the inner terrestrials from mount Shasta have used their lizard shape shifting powers to infiltrate our govt thought

        • happy_inquisitor

          Applying NWO rhetoric to a small games company from Nottingham is hilariously pathetic. Good work, well trolled.

      • Mr.psyker

        Every time I say this people call me a conspericy theorist. Its like in idiocracy when they say people talk all tarded

      • Charon

        To be fair they actually delete lots of posts. I had a guy asking if KdK is in the indexes as its own armies and all “no” aswers were removed and replaced by some generic “you can play all your models as before” answer.

      • Dennis J. Pechavar
    • Rush Darling

      This guy gets it! It’s one big, darndest conspiracy to stop the complaining! But we’ll never falter, we have the power, we have the stamina, we have the…..are these new space marines?

      • Severius_Tolluck

        We have the Touch? *holds up boom box*

      • Mr.psyker

        Conspiracy denotes intelligence and designed planning.

        https://youtu.be/UWvBvKSkC_g

        • orionburn

          It’s got electrolytes!!!

    • Xodis

      Going to disagree with that, I frequently see people complain about something on FB and they usually ignore it or respond to it in some way if its well structured. Its only the “F U GW” comments that get deleted as they should.

      • Mr.psyker

        Yeah it starts with the “F U GW” next thing you know your on the crazy train to early Nazi Germany and they are taking your children to work in factories on PCP so they can sell prepainted models for double the price. Is that well structured enough for you or do I need to spell it out for you.
        H-I-T-L-E-R YOUTH…

        • Xodis

          ….not sure if sarcasm or just crazy but, sure guy 😉

        • georgelabour

          Why would they be making PCP in factories when they could be making models in those same factories?

          • Mr.psyker

            No! The kids are taking PCP working tirelessly to paint the models to sell for an astronomical fee of course. Don’t worry I got you bro

    • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

      You aren’t entirely wrong. Your commentary on social media is indeed moderated, but the accommodation of your speech is only revoked when you do something at odds with that ToS agreement you (probably) didn’t read. And because Propertarianism is the guiding principle behind how ToS and EULAs are structured, most Civil Liberties attorneys laugh in your face when you try to use the courts to challenge when that happens.

    • georgelabour

      But this is social media. So does that mean you’re just a pre scripted response here to make us think there’s actual dissent. A canned echo that in reality is just misleading us further down the rabbit hole towards the red herrings?

      • Mr.psyker

        No but we are ants on a pheromone super highway of information!
        https://youtu.be/GFX7mRl7xDs

        • georgelabour

          Pheromone highway eh?

          Good thing I have allergies and thus am constantly stuffed up.

    • orionburn

      In all seriousness it’s very difficult to monitor the number of posts they get so how do you know they’re being deleted? I’ve seen a lot of complaining/hatred towards GW on their FB page. If somebody is being outright vulgar then they have a right to delete a post. If it’s going back and making an edit because of a mistake on their part then that’s not a conspiracy. It’s fixing somebody’s muck up.

      I don’t disagree that IF they are deleting a post of something that’s critical of the game that’s being childish and shouldn’t be happening. That’s a fast track to losing credibility with in their community outreach effort. If they’re deleting a post that says “F U GW for not giving us plastic squat sisters!!!” that’s a different matter.

    • euansmith

      Cheesy Puffs’s creepy prowling around behind Crimillary was “scripted”? Who by? Takashi Miike?

  • orionburn

    “…they are really just trying to put complainers like me out of business.”

    Silly you! People will always find something to complain about. That’s a field that will never suffer a high unemployment rate.

    • Severius_Tolluck

      Does high turn over though 😉

      • euansmith

        I used to complain, but I’ve learned my lesson #hydrareeducationinstitute

  • D_Ork

    “Why are the points all the way in the back and not with the datasheets, when the power level is right on the datasheet? Why thumb to the back of the book to find points?”

    Presumably so that GW can revise points as needed, and release the edited points value as a single points sheet that players can simply insert into their index.

    • Severius_Tolluck

      Makes sense, but still annoying lol. I suppose you could just sharpie in the points….

    • Mr.psyker

      Why power levels what’s the point.

      • D_Ork

        Power levels are meant to be vague so they are not really as prone to revision. The revised point values would be free, but without the rest of the index they wouldn’t be useful. So GW could release them without undercutting the market for the indices.

      • PrimoFederalist

        Power levels allow you to take all the unit upgrades you want for free- they’re not precise at all, as we’ve all pointed out to you (and as has been common knowledge for weeks) they are intended for more casual gaming and thus don’t need to be rebalanced as often which is not the case with match-play.

      • Seems like a better system than points to me *shrug*

        • Mr.psyker

          Yes it does… I’m scared hold me…

        • Loki Nahat

          Is that because you’re numerically challenged?

          • No, it’s because differentiating the cost of equipment seems unnecessary to me, I’m not worried about army balance particularly on a granular level, I don’t really care, so power levels just means take whatever’s modeled (which is nice because I prefer to arm models based on aesthetic and using all the bits and making things unique rather than how it plays on the tabletop, but I much prefer to play WYSIWYG)

          • euansmith

            I agree.

            If points really reflected the tabletop capabilities of a rule then the points cost would have to scale according to the unit said rule was applied to.

            So a Terminator with a Meltagun should pay more for it than an Imperial Guard with the same weapon.

            The granularity of 40k’s points system has always irked me. Like many of the games rules, it seems to me to be the illusion of complexity.

    • I’d still want them printed on the unit’s sheet initially

  • Raffazza

    Brilliant as ever 🙂

    • 3 nice comments in a row! Hot dog! I appreciate it, Raffazza. Keep reading. 🙂

  • Severius_Tolluck

    Thanks Pimpcron, was a good laugh to my crappy day at the office! I could never get over the drukhari myself and had that very same thought. Especially imagining Mimi as the Homunculus.

    • Hey pal, I don’t like your tone. How would you like it if I started complimenting you?! Saying stuff like thanks for reading and how much I appreciate the nice thing you said?!

  • Deacon Ix

    And now my Friday is complete

    • Wow, thanks for the nice words! 😀

  • Bakvrad

    If huckleberry Finn isn’t a mutant shark boy, which book did I read in school???

    All the time I didn’t like the whole release thingy but I could not point a finger on it. Now I know: no freeman 🙁

    • See, that’s what i said! i distinctly remember him attacking some people on a raft in the Mississippi river.

  • memitchell

    “To Kill a Morgan Freeman.”
    WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!
    Wait! What? You’re sure?
    Let me find my glasses.
    Um, never mind.

  • Haha. I actually do hate the separate points thing, but if I ever play 8th I’ll be using power levels so it won’t much matter. I’m not on board though, so maybe I don’t count 😂. I’m interested in what is to come, but damn if GW seemingly gave *less* attention to narrative than the alread lackluster path to glory system for AoS.
    That, combined with the general incomplete feel of the index lists has me in a holding pattern waiting to see if they actually flesh out narrative play and whether codexes fix the omissions from the index lists. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll get my heresy army done and wait for next edition lol

  • Maciek Kiliszek

    Boys ripping the dreadnought to pieces…. really great

    • Like I said, 6 missed 3+s will do that.

  • sjap98

    I got trounced on my first game of 8th, just like I regularly got trounced in 7th…but a bit quicker, smoother and without a headache!
    AWESOME!

  • Korvalus

    Glad to hear, immortal naggy. I had my first game few hours ago, maybe at the same time as you (Coincidence? I play Tzeentch so… unlikely) and I enjoyed it as well. Harlequins are SCARY with that speed and punch in combat, but seeing a Helbrute groundin’ a starweaver and smashing a shadowseer in the same turn… WORTH IT.

    I’m glad to have played it, even losing. I need moar, more reading, moar playing, maybe it’s time to put those few deamons that I’ve got to work and start smashing faces again por the lost lore and artifacts. It’s good that we agree.

    P.S.: If you ever see that far relative cousin called Trazyn, tell him to keep the hell out of me. Those artifacts are MINE!

  • Heinz Fiction

    They way points are presented is probably the least convenient possible for the player. In fact you’d have to put a lot of thinking into it to make it that terrible. Therefore I assume it’s done on purpose to disencourage us using them.

    • Someone

      Really? I found it much easier, having all the points for the whole army on two pages rather than flipping back and forth between all the unit entry pages

  • Tigirus

    I mean the rules are so compatable now there isn’t really anything stopping you from playing AoS against 40k if you really wanted. I mean it’s not legal in matched play but it’s not like it would be balanced anyway.

  • Carney3

    My first world beef is that a new edition exists.

    Here’s what I want:

    For me to buy a rulebook, codex, army and accessories, paints, etc and then never buy anything else again.

    And for GW to provide a hobby center near me with awesome terrain, background music, painting advice, gaming events etc for free, forever, and not go out of business.

    What?

  • Spacefrisian

    This edition will be great it has Primaris marines, ill be going Gloryhammer style on them and crank the lore up to 12

    • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

      My Herohammer list only runs 2.

  • chris harrison

    Wow, just when I was coming around. How dare your complaints about 8th be dumber than mine!

  • Xodis

    I love this article lol. Seriously though, why haven’t we seen a melted army yet?

    • Thank you Xodis. Thanks for readin’.

  • Diagoras

    “And has knowing nothing about a topic ever stopped me from writing about it? Ha! No.”

    Welcome to modern journalism, Pimpcron.

    That got a little too real, for a moment. Anyway, thanks for another hilarious article.

    • Haha. I learned it from [insert news source that you don’t like].

  • eMtoN

    Can’t wait to get my first game in. Alas I have to wait until my books arrive as I refuse to use the copies floating about online.

    Otoh, wife asked what I wanted to do for Father’s Day. I laughed because this takes precedence.

  • piglette

    Why ARE the points in the back? Flipping around the books incessantly has always been a pet peeve of mine.

  • 301stFeinminsterArmoured

    I have to rebuild my Hordey Drukhari army because it’s objectively good again.

  • Malisteen

    points are in an index instead of on the data sheets because GW plans on updating them based on player feedback semi-regularly based on player feedback rather than having them remain static for decades at a time for the codex cycle to swing back to a particular faction. With points in an index, revised points change a couple pages, instead of spreading errata through the entire book.

  • Matthew Collins

    I agree with you 100% about the layout. Just feels cumbersome. Everything else is so streamlined. Oh and for the record it was four 1’s and two 2’s. 🙁

    • Haha. oops. Fake news! Fake news!

  • AnomanderRake

    Don’t worry, there are still things that are wrong that need to be griped about (why can’t I upgrade units’ armour (‘ard boyz, Guard veterans, all of the Inquisition…), why are psykers so boring, why do PL costs hate the Deathwatch so much, why do the writers hate Dire Avengers so much…), but they’re edge cases now rather than foundational bugs, so they can be griped about less.

  • gagonthis

    Drew Carrie thing was hilarious