Pimpcron has some odd requirements for what makes a good game.
Okay, unlike most of you apparently, I have not been looking over every single rules leak or release from 8th edition. The Pimpcron prefers to just wait until the new books drop so I can read them in my hand. But due to social media, I’ve still been exposed to some of it. And has knowing nothing about a topic ever stopped me from writing about it? Ha! No. I’ve been making up book reports since I was a child.
Pimpcron, To Kill a Mockingbird does not involve a DC superhero.”
“I’ve told you before, Huckleberry Finn was not a mutant shark boy.”
“Do you read any of these? Your report about Lord of the Flies involves Typhus.”
I just played my first game of 8th edition: did not like the layout of the indexes. Why are the points all the way in the back and not with the datasheets, when the power level is right on the datasheet? Why thumb to the back of the book to find points? Also, why are so many models coming stock with “free” wargear that you have to look up the cost of, just to make sure that you have to pay “0” points for it?
This game doesn’t seem to include any of the AoS armies. I mean, these two games keep flirting for decades, playing footsie with their rules, coming together just to separate again. It’s one of those iconic “Will they, won’t they?” kind of romances that drive me crazy. I mean, Age of Sigmar made fantasy just like 40k, and 40k has now made 40k just like Sigmar. KISS ALREADY! We all know you like each other. We’ve got flyers in AoS, and tanks with wounds in 40k. It’s like watching the television show The Nanny all over again. The suspense is killing me!
Meet The New Dark Eldar: The Drukhari
I am a huge Dark Eldar fan. And I even like the new name. It’s sleek, unique and kind of goes with Eldari. But why did they have to make it Drewcarey? I mean honestly, their Archon looks like Bruce Willis. I’d accept the Brucewillisari as the new name for Dark Eldar. At the very least, he is an action star. But I think that this may be a slight nod to all of you squat fans. It may be a hint that Squats are coming back as an army!
I Don’t Like This New GW
With all of this “turning over a new leaf” nonsense, they are really just trying to put complainers like me out of business. No! I don’t want you to be nice to us! I need something to complain about. This has become a really sad hobby when the abusive gaming company stops drinking and starts being a dad. I mean, I like all of this attention from them: dripping new rules out, teasing us with close-up pictures of new stuff, but some of us are trying to complain over here! I don’t need you being nice all of a sudden.
No Free Man Should Have To Go Without The Freeman
This is by far one of the things that have bothered me the most about this whole release. Morgan Freeman hasn’t narrated any of the videos. Now I know some of you will claim that he was busy or that maybe they never reached out to him, but that’s irrelevant. I have been spoiled by his rich narrator’s voice over the years and now find that I just can’t seem to get into something unless he narrates it. Captain America: Civil War? Yawn. March of the Penguins? Now that’s my jam! I just find this to be largely irresponsible on their part. [starts burning his armies]
It Seems Like Everybody Is On Board
Speaking of burning armies, where is all of that? Us gamers have a long and rich history of over-reacting and throwing hissy fits over things that happen to our toys and imaginary universes. I think we can all agree that watching people burn armies when AoS came out was interesting. The whining, the crying, the ruining of friendships as brother fought brother over either playing AoS or 9th Age. I know of two bar fights over Sigmar. So where are you whiney gamers? You’re just gonna sit back and let GW change your rules and super-size your marines?
They have damage values now! You’re just fine with this? That wasn’t in last edition. Have you forgotten our collective fear of change? This is depressing. I wanted to watch armies burn, and here you are encouraging them with your money and Facebook likes.
The Honest Truth
Okay, in all honesty, I had a blast with my first game of 8th edition. Orks are NASTY now. Oh, and my opponent matt couldn’t roll higher than a 2 all game. He had six 3+ saves to make, five 1’s and a 2. Also, it was a first for me because my Boyz literally ripped a Dreadnaught apart without a Power Klaw. Lootin’ ya’ll!
This new edition has me quite excited! All of the above are just some of my extremely serious pet peeves about this game.
What is your lamest, first-world-problem complaint about the new edition?