Pimpcron tries to improve your game.
Your most trusted ally Pimpcron is here this week with ways to improve your dice rolling. I have scoured the internet to find every bit of dice rolling wisdom I can. Some of it I may have made up. You decide!
- Surfaces with more grip cause more bouncing, which is something we could all guess. That is the reason why casino tables have very “grippy” surfaces in an attempt to randomize rolls. But when observed via high-speed camera, dice often keep the same top facing even during a bounce. They don’t seem to tumble end over end as much as we would assume.
- Dice have been known to show pity on new players. It is well known that dice will often roll higher for a n00b than for the seasoned gamer. This is because the hands of a new player of soft, plump, and moisturized and form a pleasant cushion for the dice. After tumbling around in a new player’s smooth, padded hand-room, the dice appreciate the cushy tumble and return the favor. Veteran gamers notoriously have hard calloused hands from doing so much rolling.
- Slick, non-friction surfaces cause less bounce, making dice rolls only slightly more predictable.
- Air resistance can be factored out being that it doesn’t seem to have much effect. Unless you are playing in a wind tunnel, the dimples of the pips don’t appear to be deep enough to allow the air around the dice to grab it during a roll.
- Dice love the power they have over you in your games. It’s that crucial 2+ save that will make or break the game when they show their true nature. Or for me, roll 1’s on Dangerous Terrain tests for my vehicles. I swear I had a die actually wink at me in mid-air just as it landed on a 1 when I was trying to take an objective with one of my vehicles. Hand to God, that is the truth.
- They found that the number that was on top when the dice was rolled was the most likely to end up on top when it lands. Nobody seems to know why this is, but it could partially be due to the way they were rolling for some reason. But it’s not a bad thing to keep in mind. Try putting all 6’s facing up in your open palm before rolling.
- Some people who notoriously roll poorly have seen some improvement when rolling in a dice tower. It is widely thought that the negative energy that the roller imbued in the dice is knocked out of them during their 3-point tumble in the dice tower. When they finally land, they are so disoriented and confused that they forget that they planned on screwing you.
- Some people drill out dice pips and add counter weights in order to perfectly balance the center of gravity, but a study finds that the dice being perfectly balanced doesn’t really matter: the top number from the starting point is always more likely to end up on top when it stops.
- Practicing rolling dice can help you develop a “form” to rolling dice and may help you narrow the probability of your rolls. It’s no different than bowling: the average person would think you just throw the bowling ball, but the professionals all have their practiced style and form to help them control the ball.
- I have a set of solid aluminum dice that were milled instead of cast. If my plastic dice are rolling crappy, I change the polarity of my energy by rolling with my aluminum dice. They will roll awesomely for about 6 rolls, then go to crap. That’s when I know my energy has changed and go back to my plastic dice. They invariably roll better after that. Call it crazy but it works.
- Practicing on the same surface may also help lessen the chaotic results of a dice roll. If you practice rolling the same way on the same surface, it is thought to give you more reliable results. If you go to different places to play, it would be a good idea to roll on your codex cover because it is something you will always have with you, you can get used to rolling on it, and it is a slick surface which limits tumbling.
- A radio show interviewed a wandsmith for witches. She went into great detail about how the element that the wand is made of aligns differently with the energy of each person. You can supposedly enhance or impede your energy by using an oak wand versus a steel wand. Some people have been known to buy a wand and claim that the energy was so adverse to them that they felt ill while holding it and had to return it for another element.
- Rolling a single die at a time will always produce more reliable dice rolling than a fist full of dice. This is due to reducing the chaotic elements of the roll in the form of dice bumping up against each other. You can’t really practice rolling when it is 65 dice at a time.
- After a lot of independent research, many people of come to the conclusion that square edged “casino” dice are more reliable and roll less than rounded edges. When rolled hundreds of times versus round-edged dice, they came up exactly in the range that probability suggests they should. While rounded-edged dice tend to roll more one’s and sixes than probable.
- If you commonly roll badly, it is a personal commentary on your lifestyle. The dice are keenly aware of what you do behind closed doors. Stop whatever it is that make the dice hate you. While dice may be condescending and judgmental, they have a strong moral compass. This is fact.
- Dice that have the pips painted on are more reliable than the dice with the pips drilled out. This is why some casino dice are square edged, with pips painted on. It is in an attempt to have more probable rolls. This is probably due to the weight difference on each side because of the pips being drilled out as the di spins.
- Dice have been known to despise Lascannons and Plasma Guns. Nobody can be sure why, but this is quite apparent if you have ever shot either of these weapons. “Lascurse” is a real thing that people all over the world are effected by. Talk to your doctor if symptoms get worse.
So in summary, the best advice I can tell you to roll more reliably would be to:
Roll one die at a time.
Make sure the six is on top before you roll it.
Practice your rolling at home and develop a form.
Always roll on the same surface.
Make sure to roll on a surface that is slick and hard, not bouncy or coarse. (a codex would be my suggestion)
Purchase casino dice that have sharp edges and pips painted on.
Piss off all of your opponents as you take forever rolling dice.
Some of you may be disappointed that nobody has truly figured out how to master dice rolling and that I can’t give you a definite answer. Well, unfortunately there is no “right” way to roll dice, and science hasn’t spent a whole lot of time on this subject. This is probably because things like cures for diseases are more important than our toy soldiers. Oh well, if you want this changed please join me in writing to our Congress and demanding that they direct more funding away from diseases and towards research on rolling plastic cubes.
Do You Have Any Other Basic Tips?
HEY GUESS WHAT? What Muppets, Demonic Children, and Talking Rain Clouds refer to as “The Pimpcron” has created a Warhammer 40k/Wargaming Convention in December 2016. If you live in the Mid-Atlantic area of the U.S. you might want to come have fun with this crazy and adorable robot . . .
HEY GUESS WHAT ELSE? I’m on a podcast again! Go check it out HERE. We discuss running narrative campaigns.
Want to witness my slow descent into madness, first-hand? Check out my blog at www.diceforthedicegod.com