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Pimpcron: 40k Dad Jokes

3 Minute Read
Sep 29 2017

Okay, 40k-themed dad jokes, not 40,000 dad jokes.Hey guys and gals! Your Pimpcronomatic 5000 is here again to bring you some cringe. This week I humbly offer you a bunch of 40k dad jokes, which if you aren’t familiar with that term, usually means bad puns. Like what your dad probably tells.

Now, many of you probably know that I’m a father. But many of you may not know that when you become a father, you naturally develop a tiny gland under your right arm that produces dad jokes each morning. These are the sweetest, richest, and freshest dad jokes around. So I figured I’d think really hard about 40k before bed each night and see what my gland produces. Don’t laugh, this is science and evolution at work here.

Okay, Here it is. Prepare to Cringe!


Why did the Chaos Gods stop inviting Khorne to breakfast?


Khorne flakes

Who is the most helpful Primarch?

Dorn’s always willing to lend a hand.

Is that supposed to be funny?

What unit makes the best cashiers?


Lords of Change

How do Astartes chefs add flavor?

A salt cannon.


The back part is all salt packets.



Who are the best dancers?

Khorne Bertwerkers

What vehicle has the most right-wing machine spirit?

The Rhino

What do you call it when an Australian Tactical Squad splits into two?

Wombat Squading

Why is Magnus so far in college debt?

He has a thousand sons

What do people say who hate Autocannons?


I Hades Autocannons

Who are the biggest threat to Imperium teeth?

Plaque Marines

What are Space Wolf bits called?

Kibbles and Bits

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

The Inquisition

Knock Knock


Knock Knock

[people seen fleeing in background]

Knock Knock

They have no luck as Christmas Carolers either.

What Chapter makes the worst proctologists?

Iron Hands

What is the Dark Angels’ favorite restaurant?

Buffalo Raven Wings

What race is always crying?


What unit has the worst batting record in baseball?

Striking Scorpions

What is the funniest Astartes Chapter?

Ultramarines. Because they’re a joke.


Alright people, do your sides hurt or does your head hurt from these terrible dad jokes? I personally am a sucker for dad jokes, but cows like milk too, right?

This week you get a free pass on any hate you wanna throw my way. 🙂

~Do You Have Any 40k Dad Jokes To Share?


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Author: Scott W.
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