Some Orks are stricken with a disease of the mind that cultivates in their nascent psyche a need. A need for speed. Today we shall talk about why these fast and furious Orks are a danger to themselves and others.
Greetings Loremasters, today’s lecture on the care and maintenance of kitchen-servitors has been postponed until the Adeptus Arbites can round up the responsible parties, and the escaped servitors, and our Adpetus Administratum Assayer-Priest can secure the necessary permits to rebuild what was once our kitchen. While the Arch-Loremaster decides a suitable punishment, we will address the dangers of servitor-racing and why it is now expressly forbidden by turning to those driven mad in their veneration of, and lust for speed.
Those who have not the mental fortitude to endure the desire to move rapidly are certainly doomed to suffer the fate of those Orks who have been inducted into the Kult of Speed as they call it. These fanatics–even for Orks–are driven to constantly be in motion, perhaps inspired by the Ironstrider Engine of the Adeptus Mechanicus. But like that mindless engine, this desire becomes a singular, all-consuming need in the velociphiles who abandon their tribes, clans, and warbands to join the Kult of Speed.
The Kult of Speed is an Orkish non-clan phenomena whose members are Speed Freeks–Orks obsessed with and addicted to speed. Although most Orks prefer slaughter and explosions, some become addicted to driving really fast. These crazy individuals band together in their own mobs and warbands, full of War Buggies, Warbikes and Wartrukks. Most vehicles are painted red as, according to Orky superstition, “Da red wunz go fasta!” They rely on Mekboyz to build and maintain their vehicles, and sometimes a warband is even led by a Big Mek instead of a Warboss. The obsession with speed can affect any Ork – so it is possible to find Orks from different Clans in a Speed Freek force. Of all the Clans the Evil Sunz have the most Speed Freeks.
This points not only to the derangement of the mind, but the heresy inherent to swiftness itself. This can be seen borne out in notable examples of the Orkish Speed Kult, all of whom are notorious fiends.
Gazbag is an Ork Speed Freak Warboss. Noted for his tenacity and navigational skills, in 831.M41 Gazbag would guide his Waaagh! straight towards a group of unprotected Eldar Paradise Worlds. Despite the lack of loot from the planets, the Orks still find great fun in torching everything they can find. However Gazbag’s forces soon came under assault by the vengeful Eldar of Craftworld Biel-tan. Though initially taking heavy losses, the Orks sheer numbers eventually forced the Eldar to withdraw. Gazabg would then enslave the indigenous Eldar population.
Skargrim Ruknar is a notorious Ork Warboss and Speed Freek. The Warboss of the Burning Death Speed Freeks, Skargrim’s most notorious act was the immolation of the Imperial Library World of Shen. During the Third War for Armageddon, Skargrim’s forces would participate in the siege of Hive Infernus, destroying an Imperial Guard Regiment of Savlar Chem Dogs in the wastes when they attempted to break out. Skargrim and his boyz are noted for the particular love of fire, and as a result they use large numbers of Burnas and Skorchas in battle.
Wingnutz is an Ork Flyboyz Boss that was fighting in a Red Waaagh! and is known to be an avowed Speed Freek. He first piloted a Dakkajet upon the hive world of Ghul Jensen which was a near-religious experience for him. Since that day, Wingnutz has amassed a ramshackle armada of looted and kustomised aircraft that formed his airborne Warband.
Zhadsnark, also known as Da Rippa, is a notorious Ork Biker Boy and Speed Freak, one of the most powerful warbosses of Waaagh! Garaghak. A battle-hardened Warboss of the Evil Sunz Clan, Zhadsnark leads a warband of Warbikes, Wartraks, and Trukk-mounted Boyz. He has taken part in numerous raids in Segmentum Tempestus and believes that the best approach is the direct approach. As a result, the Warboss is prone to simply assault his enemy head-on and smash them to bits. As a Warboss of ‘da old skool’, Zhadsnark distrusts ‘clever gitz’ like Painboyz and Weirdboyz as well as complex technology offered by Big Meks.
Wazdakka Gutsmek is ostensibly the greatest Ork Warbiker in existence. Wazdakka started out as a simple Evil Sunz Mekaniak but quickly became seduced by the Kult of Speed and was banished from his tribe; he then became a Bad Ork Biker. While most Ork Bikerz like to ride in groups, Wazdakka prefers to travel alone – indeed it is rumoured that he only leaves the saddle to perform repairs on his highly kustomized bike, The Bike of the Aporkalypse. The rest of the time he rides hard and fast, kept awake by a potent cocktail of drugs supplied to him by outlawed Bad Dok Painboyz. Famed for single-handedly destroying a Warlord Titan on Scalex VI, he keeps the still-flaming skulls of the Princeps and crew as trophies. He is currently planning to unite all the tribes in a Waaagh! which begins at one end of the galaxy, and ends at the other.
So let that be a lesson to you Loremasters and Loremaster-initiates. Speed is nothing to be trifled with. And unless you wish to invite comparison to these Speed…Freaks… you would do well to slow down, return to your studies, and avoid the mess area until the rad levels have returned to an acceptable range.