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Pimpcron: Cheapskate’s Guide To Hobbying

5 Minute Read
Jul 4 2020
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Pimpcron’s got his penny-pinching monocle on, so you better come read.

Hey everybody, I’m here this week to highlight some ways you too can save money and time in the hobby. This is the one weird trick that scientists don’t want you to know they are furious about! And they hate me! You won’t believe #2!

This Hobby Is … [drumroll]

Yeah, it’s expensive. Do I even have to tell you this? I feel like deep down you should already be aware of that. I would guess that the pocket you carry your wallet in is a bit lighter than it should be when you leave the local gaming store. I’m not really gonna get into this, the expense of this hobby is a given. Here’s how to save money.

Hobby Knife and Clippers?

Do you really need a hobby knife? Maybe. Do you really need clippers? No. Sure, both of these things making hobbying faster and better and other things that end or -er. Fiber? I just gave myself an idea and I’ll get back to you on that one.

Mom doesn’t let me have these kind.

But if making hobbying easier is the sole qualifier for the NEED for a hobby accessory, then extra fingers and organic super glue dispensers ala Spider-man web shooters should also be considered essential. You really don’t need these two things that Big Cutlery has brain washed you into believing you need.

Alternatives? I’m glad you asked. I’ve found that regular paper scissors do an adequate job of clipping bits from the sprue. You kind of have to chomp on it with the scissors, and truth be told, it damages some of the finer bits. I’ve also found that meat cleavers can do the job in a pinch. I’ve also used hacksaws, paper shredders, toenail clippers, or a hungry guinea pig when needed.

Super Glue/Plastic Glue?

Absolutely not. Not required for assembling models. Hot glue can do anything these others can do, and the strings of hot glue give your models a spooky element. Elmer’s school glue works just fine too, but the only down side is you have to hold the pieces together for 1-4 hours. But it dries clear!

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Sometimes it doesn’t matter if the picture is applicable to the article, you just have to share it.

Did you know that civilizations have used dried dung as their house exteriors for centuries? Why are you looking at me like that? I just learned that fact and was excited about it, I wasn’t suggesting you use that as a miniatures adhesive. Geez. But while we’re talking about stuff coming from or to your insides, denture adhesive is nice a thick. This makes it an awesome glue for assembling models.

Spray Primer?

Listen up, spray primer is a god send and there not a single down side. If I hear you talk bad about this stuff, I will fight you. A thrifty hobbyist like myself locks himself in a small room, sets his models out and primes until I can’t remember feelings anymore. Stupid good-looking younger brother. Always making lots of money and flaunting his pet elephants. He was always the favorite, and now I manage to forget that while I simultaneously damage my brain irreversibly. That’ll teach him.

Anyway, you can save money (and not ruin your life) by these thrifty hobby hacks! Fill a drinking straw with paint and blow it at your models. It is exactly as good as a can of spray primer, ignore your doubts and go fill a straw. This method also works great for clear coating your masterpieces after you’re done painting them! Another good idea is to buy common wall paint (make sure its acrylic!) and dip your models. Voila! Primed, my friend.

Don’t Buy Miniatures

You’d be surprised how much mileage you can get out of polite social credit by claiming (or admitting) you’re poor. Just bring pieces of paper labeled with what unit they are supposed to be and have some excuse ready. You’ll keep promising your friends that you’ll buy the real models soon, but you just don’t have the money yet. In my experience, there is a 50/50 chance you will get to play at least once like this until you get kicked out of your social group.

Make Your Own Dice!

Find some wood, cut it with your craft scissors or toenail clippers into cubes. Then use a sharpie to draw dots on each side. Dice are random and have no real organization to which side has what number, so just go ape. Make some dice all 3’s or put four 5’s on one dice. They’re supposed to be random, dummy.

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“now I roll for my Ork shooting …”

Here’s another great way to play Warhammer without dice: use a coin! Here’s how you do it. Each time you want to roll a D6 but don’t have one, flip a coin. Heads is a result of 1-3, tails is 4-6. Then flip again two times to determine which number of the set you rolled. The rolls of two heads is a 1 (or a 4), one heads and one tails is a 2 (or 5), and the roll of two tails is a 3 (or 6)! Boom! It’s just that easy!

Okay, did I miss any short cuts?

Hey! This article is brought to you by my top-tier Patreon supporter Mike Cowley!

Thanks Michael, smooches!

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Pimpcron’s Narrative Wargaming Supplement

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