Pimpcron has a bone to pick with the 9th edition rule.
Hey everybody. Isn’t that kind of a strange greeting? It’s as if I’m only addressing you as lifeless meat mannequins. “Every body” is such as weird way to address a group of sentient people. I’m not talking to the people, only their bodies. “Hey there, all you feet and toes” might as well be another socially acceptable phrase. Language is weird.
Yes, I almost exclusively play with painted models. I agree, it looks better with painted models on the tabletop. No, I don’t own a single all-gray or even mostly-gray army. No, I don’t chase the meta but I am aware some people may do this while giving no thought towards the hobby. I figured I’d try to head your accusations off at the pass.
My efforts will probably land like this though.
Points For Painting
I’m sure you’ve all heard about it, but the new rule leaked last week was extra points in a game for having a completely painted army. Like an awkward hug, it is well-intentioned but ultimately unsettling. And just like my touchy-feely cousin, I’m not a big fan of it. Here’s why: we’re not really that close, Jeff. Not everybody likes to be hugged.
Here’s also why:
Our Community is 3-in-1
You may think of our gaming community as one cohesive culture but it surely is not. We have lore people who primarily like the fluff and may not play or hobby at all. Then there are the players that love the game above hobby and lore. Finally, you have hobby people who enjoy the assembly, painting, and kit-bashing but may not care as much about playing or lore so much.
These three interests are not necessarily intertwined. Would you force lore people to play games just because the topic is the same? How about making hobby people read the Black Library books for some reason? I don’t see the how these things are so similar that you would force people from one community to participate in another.
The Arguments In Favor of This Rule
“Well Pimpcron, people should be painting their models anyway, it’s part of the hobby. It is well-known and widely accepted that assembly and at least basic painting is required for this game. If people don’t want to paint models, they should pay a studio to do it or play a pre-painted game.”
“People who don’t paint their armies are just lazy. Or they only buy and play the most meta units, and sell them immediately when they fall out of favor competitively.”
“Only WAAC players don’t paint their armies, Pimpcron. Meta chasers. Real players who care about the hobby paint their miniatures”
The Arguments Not in Favor
It has been widely accepted that some people aren’t going to paint, or are slow painters, or don’t value painting to make it a priority. Maybe they care more about strategy than arts and crafts. Maybe they have a busy life with family, work, and other responsibilities. Its possible they competitively breed show-bats, and we all know how much work that involves. There are a million reasons why someone may not paint their stuff. Here’s the rub: It doesn’t matter why they don’t; it’s none of your business why they don’t.
Plenty of good players that are awesome at strategy choose not to paint their stuff. I agree that there is a background pressure to have painted models, but oh well. This is where I start to have a problem with awarding points in a game for something that is not actually an element of that game. This hobby has always been about doing your own thing and doing it the way you want. You want to make your own chapter? Go for it. Have a bunch of 3rd party models that are good proxies for a thematic army? Do it. The independent creativity of this game is what drew many of us to it.
Here’s What I Propose
Okay, I concede that this is now a rule and we need to follow it. So in the spirit of fairness, I have some tweaks to other aspects of the hobby so that it is the same for all three segments of the community.
From now on, all Black Library novels are missing their last twenty pages. To get the resolution to the book you just read, please play three full games of Warhammer at a minimum of 1250 points under the watchful eye of a registered judge. Both players and referee will sign off on the paper saying that you actually played the games to at least turn 4. Mail off the slip of paper with a minimum of five before and after photos of miniatures you painted. In a few weeks, GW will mail you the last few pages of the book.
Likewise, hobbyists and painters MUST complete the same game requirements for a miniature to be completed. In addition, hobbyists must answer a quiz of no fewer than fifty questions about the lore of their chosen faction. Once these requirements have been met, the miniature can be considered finished. I can’t wait until this is a real conversation.
“Hey, nice looking model.”
“Thanks, I put a ton of hours into it.”
“Where are your certs though? It doesn’t look like you are completely finished with the model”
“Yeah, I just played my three games, but I can’t get registered for the next lore exam until next week. So when I get those certs, it’ll really be finished.”
“Yeah, I glue my certificates under each of my models so people know I finished them.”
“Me too! I wouldn’t want people to think I don’t play or know the lore.”
“I’m glad we’re friends. This is a fun hobby.”
So is this fine or silly?
Hey! This article is brought to you by my top-tier Patreon supporter Mike Cowley!
Thanks Michael, smooches!
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