D&D: Five Spells That Would Probably Get a Billionaire to Ban You on Twitter

Elon Musk famously loves free speech, which is why these five spells would probably get you banned if you used them near him.

As you doubtless know by now, Twitter’s new owner is here at last to legalize comedy. As long as you clearly define what comedy is. And make sure that everyone knows you’re only joking. Maybe also make sure your jokes don’t involve a certain emerald mine heir.

But now that free speech is here at last, for everyone, you might want to make sure you never use these five spells. You could get banned, just like Chris Kluwe!

Disguise/Alter Self

Yes, even if you clearly label the fact that the way in which you’re disguising your image is only a parody, you might still end up on the cutting room floor, as the Chaser discovered.

Disguise Self can hide your physical appearance, but anyone close enough to touch you will see through the image. So though you might appear to be a wealthy noble, close inspection will reveal you are little more than a chiptune artist, for instance.

Tasha’s Hideous Laughter

Comedy might be legal again. And one of the most surefire ways to know that comedy is legal again is by banning people who make jokes. So take care when casting this spell.

Vicious Mockery

We recommend against casting this spell too. After all, it’s dangerously close to unlabeled comedy. And without a content moderation team to tell the difference, who can say what mockery is and isn’t, really?

Zone of Truth

It seems even speaking the truth, and asking a simple question could get you blocked.

Legend Lore

As for Legend Lore? This spell calls to mind a brief summary of the significant lore about the object named in the casting of the spell. The lore might consist of current tales, forgotten stories, or even secret lore that has never been widely known.

Not sure why, but have a feeling this might get you banned.

Happy adventuring, hope you don’t get banned

Author: J.R. Zambrano

Bell of Lost Souls Staff Writer and DM, J.R. covers RPGs of all stripes and on occasion eats sandwiches. You can ask him about either at [email protected]