Let’s Play D&D With Cocaine Bear
Watch where your character throw’s that bag, this week we’re playing D&D with a regular bear and I’d hate for it to find any cocaine.
Cocaine Bear is one of the movie concepts that don’t seem real. The fact that it’s (loosely) based on a true story makes it even more wild. The first time I saw the trailer I immediately watched it again and then sent it to a few people while thinking, “Has X seen this? They would love this.” Because it looks campy, wacky, weird, and a little more than over the top. But more than anything, it looks fun. And it reminds me of every oddball monster a DM has ever thrown at a party I’ve been in ever. A bear who got into a big bag of drugs and is now on a rampage seems like exactly the sort of hair-brained monster a fed-up DM would add to a game session. So let’s just go ahead and play D&D with…
Cocaine Bear
Sheet Made At The Homebrewery.
To make Cocaine Bear I started with D&D’s take on a regular bear. After all, it is a regular bear. It just happened to get into a big bag of blow this morning and now your DM is making that everybody’s problem. So the Armor Class and Hit Points aren’t super high, so if you hit it with a spear it will still bleed the same way. It may just not notice at first.
I also took bite, claws, and keen senses from bear and added some oomph. It’s a bear, at its core its main attacks will be swipes and bites.
But that’s where the cocaine part of the Cocaine Bear comes in. This beast is zooming around at a speed and endurance that shouldn’t be possible. It’s taking many attacks per turn and sprinting across the battlefield between hits. It may even be grappling somebody and taking them along for the ride. And with a barbarian-like Rage, it has a few advantages and resistances that may make it a little hard to dodge, resist, or hurt.
In real life and in the movie the Cocaine Bear wasn’t dropped in a world of swords and magic, like D&D. The trailers make it look like it’s barely up against people with guns as much as some unlucky tourists and hikers. So in your own game, I would recommend Cocaine Bear for a wacky bottle episode or encounter where your players are either relatively low-classed or don’t have access to their regular weapons. I never promote actively trying to kill your player’s characters, but the bear only has nineteen hit points, don’t make this an easy one-fireball-and-done sort of battle, either. This is Cocaine Bear, it’s meant to be fun.
Are you excited to watch Cocaine Bear this week? Did you know about the true story before the movie trailers started coming out? What movie, show, comic, or game should I make a sheet from next time? Let us know in the comments!
Happy adventuring!
