The Top Ten 40k Commentators You Love to Hate
a column by Paintraina
You prowl the forums and the threads and you see them time and time again. Those arch-types you just love to hate!
1. The Economics Professor:
This guy thinks he knows everything about how a model business should be run. He is frequently railing on GW for poor financial moves. He also is certain he has very accurate knowledge of the costs of production, design, and distribution.
Last time I checked, they are the ones selling products that you are sitting at your computer buying. Not the other way around. This brings us to our next lurker.
2. The Guy Who Is Always Mad at GW For Ridiculous Reasons, But Still Blows His Entire Paycheck On GW Stock.
Pretty self-explanatory really.
3. The Space Marine Fan Boy:
This is the kid who has played for two weeks against his brothers ratty ass army and thinks space marines are awesome. They are much rarer than the next type of lurker, but equally annoying.
4. The Anti Space Marine Fan Boy:
This is the guy who rips on the Space Marine Fan Boy by using mocking language and writing things like “Spess Mehrine”. If you have ever purposely misspelled Space Marine with the intention to mock, this is you. These are the same guys who piss and moan about new space marine chapter codex rumors. No one cares that you think GW takes care of space marines too much. Shut up.
5. The Rock Paper Scissor Retorter:
These people will reply to posts involving someones unit with the obvious counter oblivious to the fact that A. Points values were never mentioned, B. No one ever uses your obvious counter unit because this is the only thing it does and C. Obvious counter is obvious. Example:
Excited-Poster-Who-Just-Won-A-
The-Rock-Paper-Scissor-
Your engines suck. And one of them costs as much as 2.5 kans.
6. The New Codex Chicken Little:
This is the guy who proclaims that the latest codex will destabilize the world economy causing warp rifts in time-space. Look man, you haven’t even seen the points costs of the unit. Titans seem pretty overpowered until you realize that they cost the same points as an entire army.
7. The Summerhill Math Student:
This is the guy who always notes that mathhammer is useless because real games don’t happen in such a controlled environment. Well no sh#t. That’s why its called Mathhammer, not Warhammer. Oh, and also you are wrong. Ask the top players if mathhammer is useless or not.
8. The Power Gaming Ostrich:
This is further divided into two subtypes which are not mutually exclusive. Type A: This guy claims to play really fluffy “Themed” armies, but they just happen to be a rationalizing being a win-at-all-costs gamer. These guys will often give voice to such claims as “I take two units of Nob Bikers because they are speed freeks” and “I play Imperial Guard” Type B: These guys insist that there is no such thing as overpowered units. There are. We all know which units they are. If you add a list to one of your units instead of the other way around, chances are good that that’s an over powered unit.
It is important to note that there is a distinction between this lurker and just a power gamer. Power Gamer Ostriches are trouble because they are either in denial, or flat out lying.
9: Merriam-Webster Rule Lawyer:
Discussing rules is fine. When you bring out the dictionary to post the definition of “May” or “Any”, do us a favor and log out.
10: My Appendix Has Burst:
You picked an army from the appendix of your 3rd ed army book. You bought 13th Company, Last Chancers, Iron Warriors Basilisks, LatD, Tanith, whatever. Read the first sentence of this paragraph again. Stop complaining, and start “counts as”ing.
~So who’s you’re favorite type, and which ones are you secretly? I have been known to pull a #9 on occasion…
