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Pimpcron: My Spouse Loves My Warhammer Addiction

4 Minute Read
May 25 2018

Hello my fearless followers, it is your loving Pimpcron and I am here to discuss all of the ways that this Warhammer hobby has improved my life.

This hobby gets a lot of flak for being soul-sucking and all-consuming. But I’m here to tell you that that is simply not the case, you have to look on the bright side.

This Hobby Teaches How to Budget Money

Ever since I have started this long journey into wargaming, I have spent way too much money on these frivolous plastic toys. You may think that that sounds like a bad thing, and that maybe I would have more money for more important things like fixing this broken leg. But, there is an upside to having some of your money drain from your wallet each week in a downward-spiraling obsession.

When I look back on my past before this hobby, I realize that I had way too much free time and money. We easily paid our bills, all of my teeth were fixed, and I didn’t have this one floppy leg. My car was in working order, and my roof did not leak. Any time that we needed money, we had it in our savings because I did not waste it on this hobby. If I’m being honest, those were dark times. We were living life on easy mode and humans  need challenge in their life to thrive.


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Well, challenge and Slurm.

Now, this hobby has Taught me how to survive with less, with my strange limp and persistent cough as signs that I am living life to the fullest. It is not about material possessions or how functional your car is, it is about having all of these miniatures.

My Marriage is Better Than Ever

Many people get marriage wrong, because they feel like you have to spend time with your spouse or maybe even talk to them to maintain a relationship.Well, those people must not have heard of the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. With all of my hours each week at the gaming club, and in my man cave, and looking up net lists online, I don’t often talk to my wife. That may sound bad, but you don’t know how much we used to argue before my Warhammer hobby. Now that we don’t see each other or talk, we get along very well.

We casually nod like strangers when we pass each other in the hallway.  We have never gotten along this well. Our therapist claims that I am such a garbage human being that there is not much we can do to fix it, so the best option is probably just not to talk to me. He thinks we’re making a real breakthrough.


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Why did his name have to be so stupid?

I’ve Made So Many New Friends

Thanks to my Warhammer hobby, I have made so many new friends and it has really brightened up my life. They are like an extended family to me and I look forward to each and every time I see them. And if you think that’s the end of it, the power of wargaming is so strong that it is even helping my wife find new friends.  With all of her newfound free time now that I’m out of the house, my wife has found a new friend named Chuck. They are real best friends, and he’s always at the house when I get back from the gaming store. That guy is such a trip, I have to tell you. He is often spilling stuff on his clothes and has to borrow my bathrobe. What a klutz.

Even My Love Life is Better

I’m sure you may think that I mean marital intimacy but that couldn’t be further from the case. That obligation has been replaced by a longing to play Warhammer. As most of you know from reading my articles, I’m a highly competitive win-at-all-costs player. Nothing excites me more than beating the living daylights out of another player and ruining their night. If I’m being honest I often need a cigarette after tabling an opponent.

[ Opponent removes another unit off the table] Me: “ Is it getting hot in here?”

So in conclusion, war gaming is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can see no downsides to it. Who says crippling wargaming addiction is a bad thing?  I was never one of those people who wanted to walk straight anyway.


~How has Warhammer enhanced your life?

Hey friends! Since I’m too shameless to beg, come support me on Patreon if you enjoy my work. I promise I will love you forever.


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Author: Scott W.
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