Pimpcron: Prayer to the Dice Gods
Pimpcron offers a way to appease the dice gods.
Hey readers! Many of you may think that praying to the dice gods is a silly idea, but I recently visited the Most Holy Temple of Probability where they practice the ancient art of dice rolling and maybe a little gambling. I left with this handy little prayer to say before games. It really works! Read this slowly and methodically and the rhyme works just fine.
As we all prepare to play
Give us 6’s on this day.
Unless it’s for battleshock,
In that case, then 1’s would rock.
But not for Steve, he’s the worst
For him, those should be reversed.
I swear I’d pay any price,
For high charge rolls, once or twice.
Spent so much time on my list,
If you screw me, I’ll be pissed.
I’ve tried hard to rise above,
The bad rolls you seem to love.
I’ve got re-rolls, and CP’s,
And I take Cap-tains in three’s.
Because you’ve canceled my wins,
I admit, pat-ience is thin.
I beseech thee, elder gods,
To humbly help me beat the odds.
Against him on the other side,
Because he’s cocky and he’s snide.
He dares defy your holy power,
He just set down his dice tower!
I am offended, for you dice gods,
He’s sure his tower evens the odds.
How is he so heretically bold?
His faith is copper, but mine is gold.
So I think it is clear to see,
Your champion for this game is me.
And I hope that you guide my hand,
If my troops make a final stand
Or when overcharging plasma guns,
My faith is sure your help will come.
But if you don’t take any actions,
You’ll be shocked by my reaction.
You have a weakness, it’s clear to see.
Not rolling dice will set me free.
You have prov-en time and again,
You are my foe as much as friend.
I vow to you, once and for all,
This game will be the final straw.
I won’t lie, it will be hard,
I’ll quit this game for Magic Cards.
Try it and let me know! If I’ve learned anything in this life, deities love when you threaten them!
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