D&D: So A Yuan-Ti Applies For College
Could one of the serpent creatures known as the yuan-ti soon be enrolled at a college near you? Snakes, why’d it have to be snakes.
In a story that sounds like a headline out of The Hard Times or perhaps one of the, gaming-themed Clickhole articles, it seems that a Yuan-Ti has applied to college. Which makes sense, the human-serpent civilization is known for their +2 to Charisma and +1 to Intelligence which makes them well suited to fitting in at a crowded campus, where their natural charm and their serpentine cunning can help them rise to the top.
And their ability to conduct dark rituals to their fell serpentine deities mean that administer sticky-sweet herbs and magic to transform their unwitting victims into a yuan-ti pureblood, or to enhance their own prowess with enough power, means they’re a shoe-in to bring Pi Kappa Epsilon to the top during Greek Week. Sure, you might have the occasional midnight murder as abominations and malisons change into the form of serpents and sneak, stealthily into the rooms of their foes to slay them while sleeping. But on the whole it seems like the poisonous power of the yuan-ti is ripe to get ahead in academia.
So just how do we arrive this story that’s either a parody article or a postironic reimagining of I Was A Teenage Werewolf that is surprisingly well-crafted and, while the initial release is to a disappointing box office, in the aftermarket it finds true cult status, pardon the pun–I’ll tell you how we get there. The answer, like many things, comes from Reddit. There, one user relates the story of how they came to apply to college as “1/8th yuan-ti.”
So little backstory, to my knowledge I’m just about a 8th Native American.
My parents didn’t raise me spiritual or anything but I knew they did have a little shrine they liked to keep some things and whatever it was just part of the house I had friends ask me about and it was nothing crazy. They are also really fond of leathers and animal skins which… Cringe but anyway.Advertisement
When I got old enough I asked my parents what tribe we were and I was told the Yuan-Ti. Now I didnt know anything of it but I did tell my friends in elementary school and whatever and bragged I was close to nature (as you do). So recently I applied to colleges and since you only have to be 1/16 native I thought I had this in the bag. Confirmed with my parents and sent in my applications as 1/8th Yuan-ti tribe. I found out all these years that is a fictional race of snake people from Dungeons and Dragons. TLDR: since I was a kid my parents told me I was native Yuan-ti but actually they were just nerds and I told everyone I know that I was a fictional snake person.
The story has a happy-ish update, with the applicant taking the appropriate steps to correct their application. Which is exactly the sort of thing a secret snake person would say to clear up any suspicion that might befall them. So, whether harmless joke carried too far by a couple of D&D nerds, or an actual plot for society, we wish the redditor all the luck in their application.
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