Wargamer Achievements To Unlock

Pimpcron wants to see how much of a gamer you are.

Hey guys! It’s the Pimpcron! I thought it would be cool if we tabletop wargamers had achievements to unlock like in video games! Please let me know what your score is in the comments!

SQUATTED

1 point for you’ve ever been completely tabled before the end of the game.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve been tabled in the first half of the game.

POWERFISTING

1 point if you’ve ever completely tabled someone by the end of the game.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever tabled someone in the first half of the game.

QUESTING KNIGHTS

1 point if you’ve ever traveled more than an hour to play a wargame.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever traveled more than two hours to play.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve traveled to another continent to play.

TAKE A BATH

1 point if you’ve ever stripped a model in a chemical bath.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever stripped a pure lead miniature.

RAINBOW WARRIOR

1 point if you have painted a model with more than 4 colors.

1 point if you have a fully painted and based army of 2000 points or more.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you make your own washes.

MARRIED TO THE HOBBY

1 point if you’ve actively been in this hobby for 5 years or more.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve been at this for 10 years or more.

Bonus: Another extra point if you’ve been at this for 15 years or more.

KEYBOARD WARRIOR

1 point if you comment on wargaming sites at least once per week.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you comment more than 3 separate times per week.

BAD TOUCH

1 point if you have ever had a losing streak on more than 5 games in a row.

1 point if you have ever rolled 5 or more dice and had them all roll 1’s.

NID SYNDROME

1 point if you’ve complained online about how weak your codex is.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you still love your army and play it anyway.

DROWNING IN MODELS

1 point if you have unopened boxes of models sitting around

1 point if you have a dedicated hobby room in your home.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have more than 10 unopened boxes laying around.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have a permanent gaming table in your home.

SISTERS SYNDROME

1 point if you have a Sister’s of Battle Squad, or army that you play regularly.

1 point if you have complained online about how SoB get no love.

FLAYED ONES

1 point if you’ve accidentally made yourself bleed while hobbying.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve ever gotten stitches from a hobby injury.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

1 point if you’ve attended a tournament.

Bonus: 1 extra point  for each tournament you’ve won.

LEGENDARY CREATURE

1 point if you’ve ever gamed with or against a female human.

Bonus: 2 extra points if you are a female wargamer.

You are a majestic creature, like a unicorn, or a Big Foot.

INDOCTRINATION

1 point if you have ran a demo for a wargame.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have gotten a child into the hobby.

LORE MASTER

1 point if you have read Black Library novels.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have read more than five Black Library novels.

FLUFF BUNNY

1 point if you have finished a real narrative campaign

that had more than 3 missions.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you’ve finished several narrative campaigns.

POWER GAMER

1 point if you have ever looked up and used lists from the Internet.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you have changed armies to stay current with the Meta.

SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE

1 point if you have made a custom chapter for your army.

1 point if you have a detailed backstory for your army.

OLDHAMMER-ER

1 point if you still play older editions of a game.

1 point if you attend events or a club that actively plays older editions.

(yes, 9th Age counts for this, because it is the “old” version of Warhammer)

THE PLAYA

1 point if you play more than one army.

1 point if you play more than one wargame.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you play more 5 or more different armies.

Bonus: 1 extra point if you actively play 3 or more different wargames.

SCORING

There is a total possible points of 50. (unless you’ve won more than one tournament)

Grot on Ecstasy: 0-7

Drunk Fire Warrior: 8-15

Space Marine Captain on Cocaine: 16-23

Greater Daemon on Bath Salts: 24-31

WraithKnight on ‘Roids and Red Bull: 32-50+

So what did you score? I really want to know! let me know in the comments.

I scored a 28, making me a Greater Daemon. Let’s see how we stack up!

Author: Scott W.

Guest Columnist